so here we go yo
here's the scenario
lots of things.
first off, I had a dream that someone was complaining to me about how boring undergrad life was. I distinctly remember fighting the urge to hit them. I think..no i KNOW...that if ur an undergrad, you are BEING SPOILED. You have so much right there in front of you to enjoy and love..SO much potential to do stuff that you can put in LESS effort, and still get MORE. This is because as you pull away from the AWESOMENESS, people will always call you up and stuff to try and PULL YOU BACK. Oh you might think that is not the case, but wait UNTIL YOU LEAVE. So if you complain about undergrad life, then that deserves a Street fighter 2 13-hit super move combo finish with Ken wearing the green gi. Cuz getting knocked out by a man in a green gi is more embarrassing than getting knocked out in a pillow right or getting bruised by a feather.
My mommy got me KICKS YO. Asking about what she should get me, I said "kicks". So she gave me one..TO MY FACE. (edit: oh man, i so funny!) Yeah, she got me a brand new pair of KSwissessess!! I still haven't worn the pair I got for xmas, so now i have two brand new pairs of white shoe goodness. I love a brand new pair of white shoes. cuz white shoes are like rice or duct tape: they go with everything.
Sweeeeeet! my house class got moved to Tuesdays!! That means I can still go to dance class!! Sweet. Well worth the money. And it'll give me something to do tomorrow. So while everyone else is out getting their snuggle on, I'm gonna be getting down to some serious rhythm, some NYC house. Man, when it comes to house, those east coast peoples sure know how to get down. Maybe someday i'll go to NYC for one night just so can check out the poppin'/house scene.
I found out that "Time of your life" by Greenday is not a happy song. Everyone plays it at graduations and shit like that, but it's not a song with a positive message. The true meaning of it is a very sarcastic one..it's pretty much saying I hope you had a good time cuz you fucked it up for me. Hence, the "good riddance". I also found out that "Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan (sp?), is about a person's addiction to drugs!!! no!!!! that song is awesome, but she wrote the song about the "angel" being drugs and taking away the person's pain "may you find some comfort here". Of course, realizing this didn't take anything away from the song, in fact, it made it even more beautiful -- in a very cold and realistic way.
gonna head down to Orange County this weekend. Then it's off to vegas. Perhaps. If not vegas, then it's gonna be just a weekend trip to SD. Either way, i'll be good times. No matter what i'll be seeing some people that I haven't seen in a long time.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Tuesday, February 7, 2006
Monday, February 6, 2006
2005.
2005 was a milestone year for me.
Mentally, I pretty much grew into a different person. Shedding the skin of my college years, with all of the emotions and memories and stuff i was used to, was extremely difficult. In addition to the various thoughts of leaving behind a lot of things and ditching all my friends, I had a lot of self-doubt. If what I was doing with my life was the right thing. In a pitiful attempt, I tried to keep my "san diego" self as sustained as possible while up here in san jose. The resulting outcome was a stressed out, pissed off person who's health was affected by the contact negative feelings. Wow.
Then came July. That trip to Monterey. The aquarium. I remember a long time ago, when I had first gotten down to SD, I had told brendan one time when he was stressed out: "Hey man, we should go to Monterey next time i come up. That city always relaxes me and helps me think. I like it so much that sometimes I think about buying a place there so i'll always have a place to stay when i go there". Well, when we went, I hadn't been to Monterey in many many years. Going there was the first time that I felt like i had started to let some things go and accept that life has to change. Seems stupid, huh? Such a simple truth. But i was so stubborn, that I fought everything around me. My work ethic in school suffered greatly, and while I still did okay on the work, my heart definitely wasn't in it.
But as I stood on the back "porch" of the aquarium, and I saw the ocean stretched out in front of me, I started to discover a new appreciation for what was around me. This was a dark ocean, the ice cold water filled with seaweed and animal life, with coasts that consisted of rocks, not sand. This was the beach that I grew up with, not the sunny warm waters of La Jolla. To say that standing on that porch was a moment of catharsis for me is an understatment. I'm not being cheesy when I saw that that trip was the first moment since i got back where i felt genuinely like myself again.
After that, I tried my best to take a step back and look at what was around me. As the bitterness and negativity slowly melted away, I found both a sense of "coming home" (duh) to stuff that I had grown up with but never really took the time to appreciate. And even better, there was much to discover and explore (i.e. where are the good places to eat?, oh crap! there's actually good japanese food!) I got used to being on my own during the day, not eating out all the time, pretty much never eating pho or boba, and shopping at GOOD grocery stores.
Nevertheless, there are days where I can feel that feeling come back. A sad feeling that things that i left behind are gone completely, with no way that i can find them again. I've pretty much given up the idea that I will ever be as close with my friends down in san diego as when i lived down there. People change, and it's hard. I still stories from time to time from the few i still keep in touch down there..about the places that were my old stomping grounds, the house parties, the clubbing trips. And in a way, I envy them. I want to be there with them. And yet..that feeling has died out...just a melancholy aftertaste, I suppose. If i were to go back, I would feel so out of place it would be like my experience of moving back to san jose all over again. I'd have to find myself again, and after the delight that I became when I went through that the first time, I think i'll pass.
Dont get me wrong. My college years were the best fucking years of my life. I learned so much about life, about myself, about everything. Everything that I had always wanted my life to be had become reality while i was going to college. I was in a great fraternity with a shitload of awesome friends and i had a beautiful girlfriend. I was so happy that it almost seems like a dream when i think about it now. I will never ever forget my time in college, and can never express how grateful i am for being able to go down there and experience what i did. But it's done now.
Anyways...YES, i feel good. Somedays i feel great. I have to look ahead to the future without staring at the past. cuz if I don't, and i let the past affect where i'm looking, i'll run into a pole. A pole with spikes on it. And the spikes are covered in cilatro.
Life is different now, and in a way, I'm glad it is. I had to change, and I had to grow. Jon said "the times in life when we are most insecure are the times in which we learn and grow the most". This is true. I know it's true, because I've lived it.
Anyways, digression....
Come Dec, I was much more content with who i was, and where i was going. It was a very surreal feeling to feel content, and almost, happy with everything. It was hard to tell if i was happy because I had finally gotten used to my surroundings, or if it was just because I wasn't feeling sad anymore. Maybe both.
I used to say that 2005 was a horrible year. But i just had to get through it in order to see how much of a blessing in disguise it was. My one thought from 2004 to 2005 was: "Life is out to get me". Hardly. Life is doing me a big favor by throwing curveballs at my nutsack (not literally) in order to keep my jumping around and staying alert. Like Tony told me over ramen when i first got back here, "These are all tools in your toolbox. Later on in life when you have to deal with something, you'll have the right tool for it". But it goes way beyond that. It's not just specific solutions for specific situations that you learn from these experiences. They teach you to accept the fact that you can't always be comfortable in life, and that when life catches you without an umbrella cuz you didn't think it would rain and starts raining cats and dogs on your ass, that it's okay sometimes to run around like a kid till you catch a cold.
So May will roll around, and if everything goes to plan, I'll have my Masters. With that finished, it's now time to look for a job. Where to? I have no idea. There's a couple of companies up here in Palo Alto, and there's a company down south in Orange County that i would love to work for. I'm just ready to move on to the next phase of my life because this one is coming to an end. I've learned a lot from it, both in academics and in regards to my outlook on life. Now i just want to put those skills to use. The pretty much dead in the water lovelife of mine does suck, i won't lie, but we'll leave that discussion for a future blog post. Right now, i'm having a "manifest destiny" moment, and we dont wanna ruin it.
so yeah. I guess happy and carefree IS the way to go. Who would have thought. Yeah shut up.
Bring it on 2006. Cuz I'm ready.
2005 was a milestone year for me.
Mentally, I pretty much grew into a different person. Shedding the skin of my college years, with all of the emotions and memories and stuff i was used to, was extremely difficult. In addition to the various thoughts of leaving behind a lot of things and ditching all my friends, I had a lot of self-doubt. If what I was doing with my life was the right thing. In a pitiful attempt, I tried to keep my "san diego" self as sustained as possible while up here in san jose. The resulting outcome was a stressed out, pissed off person who's health was affected by the contact negative feelings. Wow.
Then came July. That trip to Monterey. The aquarium. I remember a long time ago, when I had first gotten down to SD, I had told brendan one time when he was stressed out: "Hey man, we should go to Monterey next time i come up. That city always relaxes me and helps me think. I like it so much that sometimes I think about buying a place there so i'll always have a place to stay when i go there". Well, when we went, I hadn't been to Monterey in many many years. Going there was the first time that I felt like i had started to let some things go and accept that life has to change. Seems stupid, huh? Such a simple truth. But i was so stubborn, that I fought everything around me. My work ethic in school suffered greatly, and while I still did okay on the work, my heart definitely wasn't in it.
But as I stood on the back "porch" of the aquarium, and I saw the ocean stretched out in front of me, I started to discover a new appreciation for what was around me. This was a dark ocean, the ice cold water filled with seaweed and animal life, with coasts that consisted of rocks, not sand. This was the beach that I grew up with, not the sunny warm waters of La Jolla. To say that standing on that porch was a moment of catharsis for me is an understatment. I'm not being cheesy when I saw that that trip was the first moment since i got back where i felt genuinely like myself again.
After that, I tried my best to take a step back and look at what was around me. As the bitterness and negativity slowly melted away, I found both a sense of "coming home" (duh) to stuff that I had grown up with but never really took the time to appreciate. And even better, there was much to discover and explore (i.e. where are the good places to eat?, oh crap! there's actually good japanese food!) I got used to being on my own during the day, not eating out all the time, pretty much never eating pho or boba, and shopping at GOOD grocery stores.
Nevertheless, there are days where I can feel that feeling come back. A sad feeling that things that i left behind are gone completely, with no way that i can find them again. I've pretty much given up the idea that I will ever be as close with my friends down in san diego as when i lived down there. People change, and it's hard. I still stories from time to time from the few i still keep in touch down there..about the places that were my old stomping grounds, the house parties, the clubbing trips. And in a way, I envy them. I want to be there with them. And yet..that feeling has died out...just a melancholy aftertaste, I suppose. If i were to go back, I would feel so out of place it would be like my experience of moving back to san jose all over again. I'd have to find myself again, and after the delight that I became when I went through that the first time, I think i'll pass.
Dont get me wrong. My college years were the best fucking years of my life. I learned so much about life, about myself, about everything. Everything that I had always wanted my life to be had become reality while i was going to college. I was in a great fraternity with a shitload of awesome friends and i had a beautiful girlfriend. I was so happy that it almost seems like a dream when i think about it now. I will never ever forget my time in college, and can never express how grateful i am for being able to go down there and experience what i did. But it's done now.
Anyways...YES, i feel good. Somedays i feel great. I have to look ahead to the future without staring at the past. cuz if I don't, and i let the past affect where i'm looking, i'll run into a pole. A pole with spikes on it. And the spikes are covered in cilatro.
Life is different now, and in a way, I'm glad it is. I had to change, and I had to grow. Jon said "the times in life when we are most insecure are the times in which we learn and grow the most". This is true. I know it's true, because I've lived it.
Anyways, digression....
Come Dec, I was much more content with who i was, and where i was going. It was a very surreal feeling to feel content, and almost, happy with everything. It was hard to tell if i was happy because I had finally gotten used to my surroundings, or if it was just because I wasn't feeling sad anymore. Maybe both.
I used to say that 2005 was a horrible year. But i just had to get through it in order to see how much of a blessing in disguise it was. My one thought from 2004 to 2005 was: "Life is out to get me". Hardly. Life is doing me a big favor by throwing curveballs at my nutsack (not literally) in order to keep my jumping around and staying alert. Like Tony told me over ramen when i first got back here, "These are all tools in your toolbox. Later on in life when you have to deal with something, you'll have the right tool for it". But it goes way beyond that. It's not just specific solutions for specific situations that you learn from these experiences. They teach you to accept the fact that you can't always be comfortable in life, and that when life catches you without an umbrella cuz you didn't think it would rain and starts raining cats and dogs on your ass, that it's okay sometimes to run around like a kid till you catch a cold.
So May will roll around, and if everything goes to plan, I'll have my Masters. With that finished, it's now time to look for a job. Where to? I have no idea. There's a couple of companies up here in Palo Alto, and there's a company down south in Orange County that i would love to work for. I'm just ready to move on to the next phase of my life because this one is coming to an end. I've learned a lot from it, both in academics and in regards to my outlook on life. Now i just want to put those skills to use. The pretty much dead in the water lovelife of mine does suck, i won't lie, but we'll leave that discussion for a future blog post. Right now, i'm having a "manifest destiny" moment, and we dont wanna ruin it.
so yeah. I guess happy and carefree IS the way to go. Who would have thought. Yeah shut up.
Bring it on 2006. Cuz I'm ready.
Friday, February 3, 2006
Things that piss me off,
brought to you by maruchan instant noodles. Destroying japanese cuisine one flavor at a time, Maruchan.
Those vegas commercials. I don't really know why. Okay yes i do. Those commercials are stupid. Pure and simple. Stupid. Yes. Stupider than that mountain dew commercial. I mean come on, are we to assume that eveyrone who goes to vegas becomes a skanky whore and fucks other ugly people and does all these nasty ass things that they can't talk about it laters. EVERY SINGLE ONE of those commercials makes me cringe. The "naughty" parents coming home, the old ugly asian lady who apparently puts some "no no's" on her postcard (oh come on, what taboo shit could she be writing? "today i bet thirty dollar on sic bo numba 15. [insert fobalicious yelling]!"), the lady who hides her sexual escapdes from her husband with the stuff that she bought, ARGH! The commercials are so stupid and dumb that it makes me want to NOT go to vegas, YEAH. THAT FUCKING BAD.
and now, gym time.
brought to you by maruchan instant noodles. Destroying japanese cuisine one flavor at a time, Maruchan.
Those vegas commercials. I don't really know why. Okay yes i do. Those commercials are stupid. Pure and simple. Stupid. Yes. Stupider than that mountain dew commercial. I mean come on, are we to assume that eveyrone who goes to vegas becomes a skanky whore and fucks other ugly people and does all these nasty ass things that they can't talk about it laters. EVERY SINGLE ONE of those commercials makes me cringe. The "naughty" parents coming home, the old ugly asian lady who apparently puts some "no no's" on her postcard (oh come on, what taboo shit could she be writing? "today i bet thirty dollar on sic bo numba 15. [insert fobalicious yelling]!"), the lady who hides her sexual escapdes from her husband with the stuff that she bought, ARGH! The commercials are so stupid and dumb that it makes me want to NOT go to vegas, YEAH. THAT FUCKING BAD.
and now, gym time.
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
A few weeks ago. While playing cards.
Someone else at the table: "So yeah you guys see Brokeback Mountain?"
John Ho: "Wait is that the movie with the two gay cowboys?"
Someone else at the table: "Yeah"
John Ho: "Oh are you serious? That's what it's called. I could have sworn it was called Bareback Cowboys"
What made it even more funny was that he wasn't joking. He really did think that that was the name of the movie.
Comedy.
Someone else at the table: "So yeah you guys see Brokeback Mountain?"
John Ho: "Wait is that the movie with the two gay cowboys?"
Someone else at the table: "Yeah"
John Ho: "Oh are you serious? That's what it's called. I could have sworn it was called Bareback Cowboys"
What made it even more funny was that he wasn't joking. He really did think that that was the name of the movie.
Comedy.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
and now for a few things.
last night i had a series of three dreams. some weird, a couple cool.
dream #1) I went to a HUGE party a brendan's place. His parents went all out for this party: baseball diamond, pool tables,...they even bought like 200 lbs of snow and had it shipped over so we could have a snowball fight. We all ran around and had a good time, and ate, and drank beer, and it was awesome. There are other parts to this dream that made me happy too, but i'll save those details for later.
dream #2) so i was chilling at a friend's place..i dunno who it was...a generic friend. Anyways, it was a nice ass house, and they even had a maid. Anyways, the mom was hitting on me nonstop, and I was like WTF. Anyways, i kept telling her to leave me alone, and all of a sudden she came back wearing all white, and she hella lost it. She was like cussing me out and shit. All of a sudden, the maid drives her ghetto ass car into the living room, and gets out. The fucking car is covered in roosters and chickens and shit. She gets out and puts this big piece of paper over the trunk and starts writing this letter to her mom and dad about how she's gonna take the mom and the animals and move away to take care of the crazy mom. Turns out she's the mom's sister. While she's writing this letter, this cheesy ass music comes on like we're in a movie. The whole time i'm thinking, this is fucking stupid. Meanwhile, the roosters keep trying to get off the car, so i keep grabbing them and throwing them back on the car, but they try and scratch me with their claws, those fuckers.
dream #3) I was in japan, and I went to this bar to meet up with my brother and some of our friends. BTW, for some reason, in this dream, we're all like yakuza or something. Anyways, they're sitting in the back of this bar, and this particular bar has a bunch of benches lined up instead of chairs. So i step over people to get to the group, and this guy is sitting right next to the group, so i ask him to scoot over a little so i can sit next to my peoples. He looks at me and says in japanese "what?". So i say to him again, can you scoot over a little bit so i can get in? He smirks and rolls his eyes and does nothing. So then i realize what i have to do..which is knee him in the face, and punch him again and again and then throw him out of the bar. It was actually kind of fun. Then i sat down and we had a drink and watched some TV.
now for something completely different:
why is everyone making such a big fuss over this "million little pieces" book. So the guy lied. You think he's the first author ever to lie in his writing??? you think that every single non-fiction is the absolute truth??? FUCK NO. Futhermore, was it a good book? From what i've heard, it IS. So if it's a good book, who GIVES A SHIT. And why are giving a fucking author such a big bitch-slapping for lying when our fucking government, who has a much bigger impact on our daily lives than a single author, lies to our faces every day and no one criticizes them in the least? Jon Stewart said it's because he made people in our country read something when they didn't have to. hahaha.
People are stupid. I rest my case.
last night i had a series of three dreams. some weird, a couple cool.
dream #1) I went to a HUGE party a brendan's place. His parents went all out for this party: baseball diamond, pool tables,...they even bought like 200 lbs of snow and had it shipped over so we could have a snowball fight. We all ran around and had a good time, and ate, and drank beer, and it was awesome. There are other parts to this dream that made me happy too, but i'll save those details for later.
dream #2) so i was chilling at a friend's place..i dunno who it was...a generic friend. Anyways, it was a nice ass house, and they even had a maid. Anyways, the mom was hitting on me nonstop, and I was like WTF. Anyways, i kept telling her to leave me alone, and all of a sudden she came back wearing all white, and she hella lost it. She was like cussing me out and shit. All of a sudden, the maid drives her ghetto ass car into the living room, and gets out. The fucking car is covered in roosters and chickens and shit. She gets out and puts this big piece of paper over the trunk and starts writing this letter to her mom and dad about how she's gonna take the mom and the animals and move away to take care of the crazy mom. Turns out she's the mom's sister. While she's writing this letter, this cheesy ass music comes on like we're in a movie. The whole time i'm thinking, this is fucking stupid. Meanwhile, the roosters keep trying to get off the car, so i keep grabbing them and throwing them back on the car, but they try and scratch me with their claws, those fuckers.
dream #3) I was in japan, and I went to this bar to meet up with my brother and some of our friends. BTW, for some reason, in this dream, we're all like yakuza or something. Anyways, they're sitting in the back of this bar, and this particular bar has a bunch of benches lined up instead of chairs. So i step over people to get to the group, and this guy is sitting right next to the group, so i ask him to scoot over a little so i can sit next to my peoples. He looks at me and says in japanese "what?". So i say to him again, can you scoot over a little bit so i can get in? He smirks and rolls his eyes and does nothing. So then i realize what i have to do..which is knee him in the face, and punch him again and again and then throw him out of the bar. It was actually kind of fun. Then i sat down and we had a drink and watched some TV.
now for something completely different:
why is everyone making such a big fuss over this "million little pieces" book. So the guy lied. You think he's the first author ever to lie in his writing??? you think that every single non-fiction is the absolute truth??? FUCK NO. Futhermore, was it a good book? From what i've heard, it IS. So if it's a good book, who GIVES A SHIT. And why are giving a fucking author such a big bitch-slapping for lying when our fucking government, who has a much bigger impact on our daily lives than a single author, lies to our faces every day and no one criticizes them in the least? Jon Stewart said it's because he made people in our country read something when they didn't have to. hahaha.
People are stupid. I rest my case.
Friday, January 27, 2006
one more thing
WTF! Lack of essentials????????? Man that's just cuz i clicked that my career is in standstill and i live with my parents!!!! BUT THAT'S CUZ I'M SCHOOL!!! I guess the rest is true. Unless you're a cute girl reading this. Then, it's all wrong because I HAVE NO WEAKNESSES, except for kryptonite, cilantro, and sadly, cilantro kryptonite.
lolz, i took this as a joke cuz everyone knows that self-reporting surveys and quizzes are all bullshit anyways.
aight. g'nite for reals.
| Dating Strengths | Dating Weaknesses |
|---|---|
| 1. Sense of Humor - 85.7% 2. Kindness - 54.5% 3. Financial Situation - 53.8% 4. Generosity - 53.3% 5. Adventurousness - 50% | 1. Appearance - 100% 2. Insecurity - 76.9% 3. Pessimism - 66.7% 4. Lack of Essentials - 58.3% |
| Dating Strengths Explained |
|---|
| Sense of Humor - Girls are attracted to people with a good sense of humor. Be sure to put yours on display! Kindness - You treat other people with empathy and goodwill. This positive trait helps you stand out and draw people into your warmth. Financial Situation - You've got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. Be careful to avoid girls who are only interested in your money. Generosity - You are a giving person by nature. Others will see this quality in you and recognize your kind nature. Take care not to let others take advantage of you. Adventurousness - You are willing to try new things and be spontaneous. You want to get out there and really live, and you will attract people with a similar love of life. |
| Dating Weaknesses Explained |
| Appearance - Devoting a greater effort at making good first impressions is a must. Try to be fit and develop a style if you want to catch a girl's attention. Insecurity - Your insecurity makes you doubt yourself, but you must learn to love and trust yourself if you want to succeed in dating. Pessimism - Too much cynicism can be a turn-off. Try to see the brighter side of things and people will be attracted to your positive outlook. Lack of Essentials - Dating is difficult for you because you lack certain key things, which may include private space, a car, money, or a nice wardrobe. Work toward obtaining these essentials! |
| Take This Dating Quiz |
WTF! Lack of essentials????????? Man that's just cuz i clicked that my career is in standstill and i live with my parents!!!! BUT THAT'S CUZ I'M SCHOOL!!! I guess the rest is true. Unless you're a cute girl reading this. Then, it's all wrong because I HAVE NO WEAKNESSES, except for kryptonite, cilantro, and sadly, cilantro kryptonite.
lolz, i took this as a joke cuz everyone knows that self-reporting surveys and quizzes are all bullshit anyways.
aight. g'nite for reals.
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