Paul Newman passed away yesterday. He was 83.

He seriously was one of my favorite actors. Throughout many of his roles, to me he epitomized what "cool" was. He was calm, adventourous, and always did his own thing. I think those parts weren't just written into the characters. I think Paul Newman brought those traits into the identities he played and emphasized them because they were a part of who he was.

He stayed married to the same woman for over 50 years (in hollywood, that's a rarity). He gave away millions to charity. He was modest, and never took anything he had for granted.

He was an awesome person. He will be greatly missed, but I'm glad he had a full life in which he did what he wanted to on his own terms, and was a gentleman the entire time. I imagine that whereever he is right now, he's strolling along with that smirk he always had, hands in his pockets...not a damn care in the world.

Rest in peace, Paul.

Last night I had two dreams that I can remember.

1) I was playing super nintendo at my house, and I had noticed that my one of my favorite games had added 20 new characters (random). Apparently there was also a bbq at my house and my brother had invited all of his friends, including some I had never met before. In the crowd, there was this guy who I was acquaintances with in college. He said, "hey steve remember me? It's Jamal something." and I said, "You mean Eric (asian last name)? Come on man...Jamal is a black name!" and everyone laughed. Anyways, the important part of the dream. They had decided to have a sequel to the Friends sitcom, and Jon and I had been picked to be in the show. This meant I was now making a much larger salary and the only thought I had was..omfg, I can QUIT MY FUCKING JOB!!!!

You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up and realized that I would not be starring in a few show this fall.

2) I dreamt about her again. We went on a date. We talked about what we had been up to for the past few years. We ate and drank and joked around. It was seriously like a real date except in dream form. WTF

You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up and realized that I'm still me. Anyways, this means two things: One, I'm fucking looney and I need to GO OUTSIDE and two, the regret has saturated my brain and will not let me forget it. Regret is a bitch. I gotta admit though - it's kinda fun in a bittersweet way. I mean, it's fun to see how my brain can create such a detailed reality.

BTW, in an attempt to stop being so damn cryptic, I should explain who i mean by "her". I realize that this should probably go in the other blog, but since I mentioned it, I gotta explain.

"Her" is this girl who had a thing for me in college. The problem was I had just gotten burned by another girl that I had been "chasing" for about a year - I say "chasing" because "nice guy"chicken shit methods are HARDLY "chasing". and the girl had shot me down after I had "done so much" (give me a fucking break). Anyways, I was jaded, so I thought that if I tried too hard with this girl I would fuck it up. Plus, I had never had a girl go after me before, so I wasn't sure how to react. Long story short, by not trying hard enough, I ended up fucking it up anyways. She told me one day that she no longer liked me and just laid it on me on just exactly how I had fucked up.

I learned a few things that day:
1) Not doing is just as bad, if not as bad, as doing.
2) Don't doubt when a girl likes you.
3) I was a fucking idiot and a fucking loser. No seriously. If I could go back in time and kick my own fucking ass, I'd do it faster than you could say "1.21 jiggawatts".
4) One of the worst things you can hear from a girl: "One day you'll find a great girl. But it's not going to be me".
5) Regret is eternal. Of the two instances of regret that routinely burn my brain, this situation with this girl holds the world record and it won't be beat for a while. And let me grind it in a little deeper: This girl likes playing video games, going clubbing, dancing. She's was cute back in college but has become even cuter since. What is wrong with me????

one would ask, why are you up so late when you have work the next day?

well, it's because I spent most of today sleeping. I had nothing else to do, and had nothing to do. I was bored. So I slept, and I ate. That's it. Today was the kind of day that was a waste of oxygen. It was depressing and stupid. Today was the kind of day that makes me realize that I need to do more activities and expand my life. I need to meet more people and do more hobbies.

So my sleep schedule is fucked up. I'll be going to bed as soon as this blog is done though.

Nothing is really going on until the end of Oct. Until then, I'll have to use the time to shock myself somehow. I've grown complacent again. I've gained some weight back. Why I can't get to the weight I want to be is beyond me, but it would seem that I simply need to suffer. I guess my body is an expert at trying to stay the way it's been - not surprising when i've been fat my whole life. So it would make sense then that in order to get my body to the way I want it to be, I'm going to have to suffer. A lot. Diet, exercise, etc..all that shit is beside the point. The main thing is that in order to change how I am, I'm going to have to sacrifice and SUFFER. I'm going to have to destroy my body - shock it, tear it to pieces - in order to start all over from scratch. And that's what I'm going to do. My body and my appearance makes me sick to my fucking stomach. But I'm not going to sit here and complain. Nay. Instead, I'm going to see how far this disgusting pile of shit I call a body can go. I'm not going to sit here and type how I'm going to do it in order to motivate myself or anything like that. I'll just say this: if I don't do anything, i'll be disgusting for the rest of my life, and I cannot accept that. If don't change something, then the rest of my life will be like today - a complete fucking waste.

No more judging. Just action.

The one perk of sleeping so much today is the weird dreams I had. I dreamt that a coworker had a crush on me and kept trying to ask me out. One problem. The coworker was a man. In addition to that, one of the managers at work had given me his pet to take care of. It was like a cross between a dog, a rat, and a guinea pig. I had idea what it ate, but it was sitting in my office over the weekend and I had no idea that I had left it there. When I finally got back, my office had been overrun by fruit flies. I then went toa nice restaurant with my parents and my brother, but we had to eat in this banquet hall with a bunch of korean fraternity guys. They hated japanese people, as usual, so they forced me and my coworkers to play this korean board game that's a lot like risk. This one guy got hella into it and started yelling at me, but I had no idea what he was saying and I just kept thinking, "when the fuck am I going to eat?". I also dreamt about this game show/movie, but I can't remember what it was. It was such a good idea too. damn.

Today I saw the weirdest road rage causing situation. Car A is a small car. Car B is a truck - Roto Rooter to be specific. The driver of Car A is an elderly gentleman. The driver of Car B is a middle aged guy most likely in the middle a shift. While driving on 280, the driver of Car A decides/realizes that he needs to get on 101. So he needs to move over one lane to the right in order to do so. However, he proceeds to do it WELL before he actually needs to. Anyways, he starts he turns his blinker on, like a responsible driver, and then proceeds to start moving his car over. Did I mention that Car A is RIGHT ALONGSIDE Car B? So Car B accelerates a bit, just to show the driver of Car A that Car B is, in fact, right alongside. So Car A pauses his rightward advance as if waiting for Car B to get out of the way, and simply DRIVES IN BETWEEN TWO LANES. Then, the driver of Car A decides that he DOESN'T WANT TO WAIT, so he keeps on going over to the right. So the driver of car B has to step on their breaks quite forcefully. I then see the hands of the driver of Car B go up into the "what the fuck?" position. I see the other hand hitting the dash. The driver of Car B is very mad and wants the driver of Car A to know it, so they zig zag through the other lanes to get in front of Car A. But alas, while the zig zagging was going on, the driver of Car A exited onto 101, and went along his merry alzheimer's way.

The moral of the story: Always eat your veggies, or Santa Claus will leave you coal.

Why do people's personalities change so much when they're sleepy?

It's like the brain chemical that makes people sleepy acts like some kind of personality changing crack.

So I was talking to friend today about probably one of the cutest girls that I have ever seen in life. She's a friend of a friend but I have never met personally - only seen her on facebook. And this is what he said:
Friend: yea dude that ##### girl is cute.

no offense to you.

but she's way out of our league.

5:50 PM she's major league baseball.

we're girl's baseball.

LOL. He's so right though. Makes me want to try, but come on now - trying to flirt with a girl through facebook??? Two words: EPIC. FAIL.

Every time a cute girl gets with an ugly guy, a kitten dies by papercuts.

So what did I learn today:
-I officially dislike my job
-html isn't as hard as thought - so far
-black plastic frame glasses do not work for me. The fobs ruined it. Thanks fobs.
-If you try to buy glasses without using your vision insurance, you will pay a SHITLOAD of money.

- - -
I seriously cannot wait until the weather fucking cools down. One of the many reasons why I dislike it when it's hot is it's too uncomfortable to wear layers. I'm not like brendan where I can wear nice clothes even though the sun is out. There is nothing cool about sweating too much.

But dammit it's cool to dress up. This past weekend seeing everyone all dressed up was cool. When people get super dressed up to the nines, i think it's really cool because in my head we're all still young. But when everyone dresses up it's like dayam we're some slick looking adults, if i do say so myself.
- - -
I'm gonna try to get reservations at the French Laundry next year. After that, around the time that I finally move out, I think I'll start trying to learn how to cook. You know what that means. Free food to visiting friends. (read: minh/cz, move up north)

Weekend was awesome.

On Friday, I meet drove up to SF with Dana and met up with Rock and Willy. We grabbed a bite to eat at this Korean spot called Brother's and headed out to Wish for some good house music. I haven't seen my friend Willy in about 5 years, and it was DAMN good seeing him again. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. We all drank a lot too. The vibe at Wish was really cool, even thought place was really really small. There wasn't really a dance floor, which was kind of a let down, so we just had to get our groove on in the small area by the front door. And since it was so damn small, we pretty had to take turns going one at a time - very battle-ish. But godDAMN I had a good time. I haven't had a night out like that in a HELLA long time. Anyways, was hella drunk by the end of the night, so I went home after a second meal at a thai place and crashed.

Here's what I learned:
-With certain old friends, you just click.
-It doesn't matter how big the toilet is, people will straight piss on the ground.
-Just cuz a club is small as shit doesn't mean it sucks.
-When you go out with a group of people who all want to dance/drink/party, it's fucking AWESOME. Do you know how long it's been since I gone out with a group where EVEYRYONE was feeling good and laid back and wanting to drink and dance and all that? The vibe was fucking awesome. No doubt.
-There's no point in eating a second meal if you're just going to make yourself yack later so you can sober up fast. Waste of damn money.

Saturday I finally fell alseep at around 830am. I woke up 3 hours later to pack and head to the airport. I flew down to Burbank in a plane that had less than 30 people. Everyone had their own row it seeemed like. Awesome. No kids. No fat people next to me. Only problem was I was fucking STARVING. I hadn't eaten anything all day, and all I had on me was water. So when those peanuts finally came around..YO. I enhaled both the packets before the damn drink came.
After I got in, I went to Subway. Best sandwich ever, and not cuz it tasted good. (FYI, don't get the "Cold cut Combo" at subway - all that shit is is bologna. Lame). Once I got some food in my stomach, I went with minh to get 30 cakes and stuff. We then went to meet up with cz and her family and cvu to get dinner (though I was full from the coldcrap combo), then after a short chill session at cz's parent's place, we went to this asian hooter's like place called Indian, where all the waitresses are dressed up as native americans. Weird. (FYI, only a chose few can pull off a white blazer, and none of those few are asian. Sorry, fobby chinese dude).

We got a couple ten dollar pitchers of kirin and played this numbers game until we were all red and feeling AIGHT (aka buzzed). We then headed back to cz's house where cvu tried to scare me and then laughed hysterically and snorted. It was awesome. Afterwards, I headed back to minh's/cz's place and then we wrapped up the rest of the engagement gifts for us to bring to cz's place the next day. (FYI, Chinese people have a million and one things that need to be done for weddings. Also, minh and myself cannot wrap worth shit.) I then crashed out.

Sunday I woke up at around 9am and got ready. Minh and I headed down the local Sunday chinese meeting (read: Dim Sum resataurant), in order to pick up a pig. And I mean a PIG. I'm talking like a straight up pig that done got its cook on. Full pig, from the snout to the tail. Like that. We loaded it up into the car with that was already filled with a bunch of red chinese stuff. We shoulda bought a lottery ticket at that point cuz the car was filled with so much good luck. Anyways, we got to cz's house, but minh couldn't go inside because his parents weren't there yet (read: chinese superstition). So we chilled with him outside until his parents got there, and then we carried everything inside. I finally got to meet another one of the groomsmen, who I found was laid back and sarcastic, so we got along just fine. Meet up with some old peoples that I haven't seen in a while. Met some new peoples too. Everyone was coo. I didn't really talk with the older people cuz they were too busy hating me cuz I was japanese and ruining all the good luck (even the pig was pissed), I MEAN eating and socializing. (i kid lawlz). Everybody was looking good dressed up and stuff. So we all just chilled and ate, chilled, ate, and chilled and ate. After that the remaining few went to this okay japanese restaurant and had some more food. Then more people left and so that left me, minh, and cz. So we headed back to their place to drink and chill, but then like an hour into it, minh finished his drink, changed into his jams and comes out and says "yo I'm gonna take a nap". YO, when someone changes into their JAMS and says "I'm gonna take a nap", that ain't gonna be no NAP. It's gonna be a SNOOZE. So then cz and I were just chilling and drinking. But it's cool. We got a chance to bond over some interesting conversation. And even though minh was asleep, cz tried to keep him in the conversation and by waking him up and asking him questions (he wouldn't answer them). It was coo. Then I crashed out.

Today I woke up and went to eat with cz/minh at the local ihop. They fucked up our order and we left feeling all gross like. I've noticed that whenever I eat at ihop I feel like yacking afterwards. Ihop is like THE restaurant if you wanna add some chins and rolls to your figure. They have this one special that has pancakes with bananas and ice cream on top. Yeah, ice cream. AND it comes with eggs, sausage, ham, hash browns. WTF. But it's all good. Just get it with diet coke. You know, to keep it healthy. Afterwards we just chilled back at minh/cz's place until I had to fly out.

Got home. My watch finally came in from Nordstroms. Chilled wit parents. Ate unhealthy dinner. Took a nap, and here I am. Back to my boring life up here. But like I said from my last post, I still got a shitload of stuff to do. So time to get to it. Word.

I had a REALLY good time this weekend, from start to finish. I really wish minh/cz lived up here in the bay bc I really have a good time hanging out with them. It's always depressing when I have to leave after chilling with them for a weekend. Maybe it sounds a bit mushy, but I mean, dude, it's just cool. I dunno how to explain it without sounding more sentimental and all that bs. But hey, at least other people are moving up here. cmun is back up, cvu is moving up (hurry!!!!), darrell is moving up. Maybe eventually minh and cz will move up here as well.

Gonna get some new glasses this week. Most likely some black plastic frames. I wanna look like my dad circa 1972. That would be the dopeness. This weekend is shan's breakfast bday.

Gotta get to bed. I got a fullday of bullshit at work tomorrow. Fuck I need a new job.