Yes yes yes another poem about L-O-V-E. The recent events of those around me have inspired this poem.

Such is life. Enjoy.
- - -

why does distance kill love?
Is love not measured by the lengths one would go to
but not by the actual miles between?

perhaps the pristine perceptions we have of love are not as truthful as first thought
with tiny cracks lost and hidden within the supposed perfection

Is it wrong to assume that
the all purpose solution to all of life's stains
is nothing but a fool's gold elixir
full of false promises and shattered expectations?

and yet without it,
we feel lost and lacking

if we haven't experienced it,
we're made to feel as though
we haven't tasted the most seasoned part of life.

to be surrounded by people who are in love,
is to feel as through you're in last place
in a race of millions

However,

I would be lying if i said that
love is like a pleasurable vice
forever beaconing me to come back
To put my neck on the line
To tell me that this time it will be different
And do i comply? Do I follow?
In an instant.

A complex remedy to the stresses of life
And tho the relief it delivers
gives the worst hangover,
I would gladly drink it up in excess
till i forget about my worries
and the world becomes blurry
As I fall into the stupor found within punch-drunk love

In a journey where the promise of love is the destination
I would pump my legs to get to the front
from the rush of the first step
to the excruiating pain before the finish
I would run till my heart burst from my chest
and my muscles collapsed
Till my chest heaved for air and
sweat mixed with the blood running down my knuckles
from my tightly clenched fists

I do not doubt you, love.
Simply put,
I do not doubt your power to deliver happiness
I do not doubt your power to take it away.

Love.

So emotionally pure,
yet so logically tainted.
A thrill that creates a million questions
but not one answer.

We are all in different stages of love understanding
And to truly experience it,
two must find each other on the exact same page
Lest it falls to pieces, bringing both with it
Mind,
Body,
and Soul.

And so, I have to beg you Love
Let me be.
Perhaps one day after these wounds have healed over
and these scars can be brushed off with a laugh
I can let you in again
But for now,
let me be.
I have better things to worry about.

a rather abstract poem, a critique on how we perceive life.
- - -

a new found discovery
of could haves and should beens
cracked open into
the clean bowl of my consciousness
My maturity is constantly destroyed and then ressurrected
as my mental focus rolls back and forth
between a concentrated point
and a blurry untroubled fizz

think too much
think too little
feel too much
feel too little

the general public
either isn't aware,
choosing ignorance over knowledge
a voluntary short term memory shut down
or
too into thought of thought
overanalyzing moves and motives
to the point where the subjective
becomes more relevant than the objective

stretch that,
the populous
either hides behind a smile
laughing to hide the tears
or
puts on a mask of sarcasm and bitterness
in order to give an excuse
to their behavior and outlook on life

extremes.

we give advice on a million topics
when none of us can show expertise in one

we fall in love and suddenly become newborn
singing praises as if we were caressed by Aphrodite herself
writing poems that analyze love as if it were the easiest thing to understand
[ed note: ironic!!! =P]

we fall victim to the daily stresses of life
and we curse the existance of ourself or others
raging as if life were designed to fight us at every step

we are creatures of extreme proportions
of pure black and then pure white
and even sharp grays

Life
is learning a language backwards
we must speak it first
and then understand it later.

Just a second too late.

rave was off the hizzle. I had hella fun, and i know that jon and phyllis did as well.

Did the photon thing, but also did a LOT of popping. So much popping that by the end of the night, I was BEAT. Jon was pretty worn out too, which is amazing considering that he just doesn't get tired when it comes to dancing. Anyways, it was good fun. I danced my fucking ASS off. It was a GREAT fucking feeling..hearing the music, feeling the bass bump through my chest...awesome times. I'm glad I went.

I did notice a lot of people just standing around like it was a concert, and i did notice a significant descrease in glowstickers and photon-ers, but it's all good.

Reminded me of my younger years, and that i still got it in me. Afterwards we got some much needed food, and we chilled and talked about some hella random stuff. It's always good times hanging out with phyllis.

Now it's time for bed, since it's 9AM, and i can barely create coherent thoughts.

I'm gonna be sore as fuck later on today, but it was well worth it.

=)

Finished my design concepts! booyah!
Finished my second of MANY assignments for my Thesis project! booyah!

I have found it INCREDIBLY difficult to write anything in the past few weeks. No misery is horrible for creativity. Here's my attempt at a poem, but it's not that great. I have to learn how to write about happy things so that I can write even when i'm not feeling down. lol.

Tite, finally my hair growing long-ish.

and RAVE IN FIVE DAYS!!!!!!! =D

- - -

Memories

a box of memories left behind
to gather dust and forgetfulness
locked away so that every day
it's just a little easier to breathe

but yesterday i found that box
and curiosity got the best of me
i stretched upwards
and pulled down the container
that i had purposely put just beyond my reach

I looked at two pictures
at the emotion on my face
the smile that had no front,
the funny faces to make you laugh
You holding me close, with a smirk of pure content

Five minutes later...
The sense of meloncholy is washed away
by the reality of the present.
Good memories from the past are wonderful to visit
But that's exactly where they should stay.

Every now and then
I bring that box down
To look at the pieces of yesterday
that made me who i am.
But before they become too real
I put them away
just out of reach
from my hands
and my heart.

it's crazy to me that people down in sd are starting school soon, and i have been in it for four weeks already.

do i miss college? of course. But then again, not really. Like most things in my life, it was good at the time, but now it's good for nothing except good memories. Responsibility has become strangely entertaining, if for nothing else than to prove to myself that i'm not just wasting the days away.

I do miss the emphasis on social life. These days every thing must be planned days, weeks ahead of time. Last minute runs of fun are extremely rare, if not impossible. There is no such thing as a late night run to get any kind of food snack, such as a boba, or 7-11 for a slurpee. 24 hour mexican food runs are gone, as are trying to grab the special from 930-midnight at shanghai city. People have work M-F, 8-5, and to do anything past 10 or 11pm would be job suicide. Road trips and even hang outs are planned out carefully. That's how life is...week days are usually boring as shit, and sometimes weekends are not.

Things are replaced with other things tho. You find joy in what life offers, lest you go crazy. A trip to Monterey, or a baseball game with old friends. Finding a place in Milpitas that serves shitty boba but good noodles until roughly 330AM. Easy access to Japanese restaurants. A really good hawaiin food restaurant that's far as fuck away, but is good eating. Vegas trips are impossible, but when we do all end up finally going, i know it'll be worth it to all of us. The 5 and the 805 were replaced with 680, 101, 280, 87, and 85. Ralphs with Albertsons, Ichiro's with Okayama's, TE with well, TE or Bubbles. I've been lucky enough to go clubbing much more than i have in the recent months, at some interesting places in SF.

Best of all tho, i've reconnected with old friends. The crew up here, as well as a bunch of people from SD who haven't seen in a while who have moved up here.
I'm closer with my family due to living up here as well, even my stupid ass dog who loves no one in this family except for my dad.

Sure sometimes it sucks to be alone, but right now, i'm okay with that. And when it comes to relationships and love and all that other shit, it's worth the wait. Girls are crazy, and if there's one thing i've learned from the past 7 year of my life and the endless analysis of situations and the conversations with friends and their relationships: Take your GODDAMN TIME.

It's time for bed. Long day tomorrow.

Found this pic on a friend's blog. This picture is fucking awesome. This is the kind of pic I want to take at zoos.


RAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

last night i had a pretty shitty dream. I dreamt that a close friend of mine from up here passed away. I remember being at his funeral, people were crying. I distinctly remember the wave of sadness that passed over me when i realized that i'd never get to chill or joke around with him ever again. I also remember looking into the eyes of my other friends and seeing nothing but hurt and sadness.

That dream sucked.

Anyways...

Dude, so after all this run around, and ordering of new parts and stuff, i finally FIXED MY OWN PHONE. I found a website that shows how to open up the phone, and so i just took it apart and fixed it myself. So a big FUCK YOU goes out to the verizon store on blossom hill, and especially to bruce. and no i dont care if that's what they told you to say. i'll beat your ass for two dollers and a biscuit, and dont you forget it. lolz

I got work to do, but i gotta exercise first.