of course, why is it during one of the biggest edits of my final thesis that I find myself pondering things. Things that usually never get one single nerve synapse devoted to them are suddenly thought about like some kind of deep philosophy that I just had an epiphany about. It's probably my never ending drive to see how long I can procrastinate, especially on a saturday night, where most people are out having fun, partying, or getting drunk.

And that leads me to my first ponderance. Alcohol. Oh how i love alcohol. The cause and solution to all of life's problems. However, these days, it's more just a solution. Because in order to be a cause, it has be drank. While I was in vegas, i barely touched the stuff. That made me SAD. Even J-Hero commented on how little alcohol was drunken on the trip. My tolerance has gone down to subzero levels. I think I start turning red if a drink is mixed within a 5 mile radius of my person. Sad shit. Seriously. One drink and I'm red. Two drinks and I'm done. That's like undergrad sophomore levels, after the superhuman-like freshman alcohol tolerance levels disappear (oh the memories of taking 5-6 shots in a row of popov, saying "hey this isnt that bad!"). I hope that this summer I'll be able to work on getting my tolerance back up with more frequent clubbing trips, more trips to vegas, and just more drinking overall. The JAB house is a more than suitable place for house parties, and given the fact that the sound was bumpin last time and no cops came, we should definitely throw a bunch this summer. Of course, that is, of course, if that's okay with the people who live there (I guess they should have some say). Also, within the group there is only 3 people who like to drink it up, so it kinda sucks when the party can't be happening for all. Althought I guess the remainders could just make some brownies. And we would have to control the drinking enough so that certain persons don't need to reenact the 50 m olympic dash, or lock themselves in the bathroom while the rest of us wonder if they're alive. lolz.
Moral: I need to drink more. Thank goodness there's a sake tasting even on May 25 in my people's town. And it's to support the local senior citizen's center. Get drunk and do good? That sounds like the most excellent plan ever created by man, woman, or beast.

I hurt my ankle a few weeks ago. And then i got sick. I've skipped dance practice for two weeks now. I'm tired most of the time cuz all i do is sit around and cough and cough and cough. It sucks because I've kinda lost the energy to dance. And with the endless hours i've been putting on the thesis, this means i've been getting ZERO exercise. I stopped going to the gym because I had so much testing to do and data to compile. FUCK. So all the weight came back and then some. So finally, I've had it. I put down the cash and got a personal trainer. He called me the other day to discuss my goals. I said, "i have one goal. LOSE WEIGHT. oh and get cut too" I hope this works. Moral: All talk and no action means nothing. I need to lose weight because when i look in the mirror it makes me sick. Too much ugly and no place to put it. Well i'm about to put this gut on the curb cuz it's time to throw this trash OUT! (that was lame. Dork rating just went up).

Man. this thesis is killing me. like i said in the last paragraph. I work on this shit every day, then i get fed up and i take a break. Then i go back and i dont like how something sounded, so i'll rewrite it. Then the process continues, then i go and look at the edits my thesis advisors wrote down and I move on to the next error i made. It's a fun cycle that kills the social life, makes for a fatter stomach, and increases my nerd rating. And while the thesis is on the road to completion, the social life is borderline dead. Good thing I took CPR long time ago. (that too was also lame. I'm on a dinner roll. That was even lamer)
Moral: I need to finish this fucking thesis soon, cuz afterwards, I'll have a lot of beaucractic paperwork and bullshit to deal with since I can't technically graduate till December.

Man.....
Moral: This is a cryptic message. What i'm basically trying to say here is i'm thinking about something, but i can't really talk about it. The reason is NOT because it's painful or it's taboo or anything. It's just that when i talk about it, i can't help but feel like i'm a child. Plus, I dunno if the people around me can understand, or really wants to hear it. It's not something that's eating me apart, so it's not a big deal. It's one of those things that I'll probably bring up to someone while chilling in vegas, sitting on the balcony with my legs hanging over while drinking a bottle of cheap wine down to the bottom. That's also one of my dreams.

In fact, lets do a list of dreams/things i need to buy:
1) Drink a bottle of wine/champage/sake on the balcony of some hotel in vegas (i dunno if there are any hotels that have balconys, but whatever), drunk as shit and having a good time.
2) While i'm talking about vegas, I also want to eat at one of the two sidewalk restaurants at Paris, and also get a suite so large and roll with enough party people that we can just spend one night partying it up in the suite and getting so liq'd up that i wake up with my head in the toilet and wearing mittens.
3) A velcro wallet. Retro is cool right? Lemme tell you. I should get on that bandwagon. Any day now, deisel and gucci are gonna start making velcro wallets and everyone will want one. Anyways, I want one.
4) More shoes. More dress shirts. A suit. A new belt. Sunglasses. Another watch. More cologne. More tshirts. More jeans. A blazer. Another track jacket. Cargo pants. More shorts.
5) go to japan, eat at mos burger, eat at the place where they have neverending noodles you can eat, go sakura viewing while eating manju and drinking plum wine and sake, eat lots and lots of TORO for CHEAP. Buy a shitload of obscure japanese fashion stuff and then wear it back here and start all kinds of weird fashion trends.

aight. urge to write has now ended. back to the thesis and the regularly scheduled program. payce outside and word to your maternal figure.