one would ask, why are you up so late when you have work the next day?

well, it's because I spent most of today sleeping. I had nothing else to do, and had nothing to do. I was bored. So I slept, and I ate. That's it. Today was the kind of day that was a waste of oxygen. It was depressing and stupid. Today was the kind of day that makes me realize that I need to do more activities and expand my life. I need to meet more people and do more hobbies.

So my sleep schedule is fucked up. I'll be going to bed as soon as this blog is done though.

Nothing is really going on until the end of Oct. Until then, I'll have to use the time to shock myself somehow. I've grown complacent again. I've gained some weight back. Why I can't get to the weight I want to be is beyond me, but it would seem that I simply need to suffer. I guess my body is an expert at trying to stay the way it's been - not surprising when i've been fat my whole life. So it would make sense then that in order to get my body to the way I want it to be, I'm going to have to suffer. A lot. Diet, exercise, etc..all that shit is beside the point. The main thing is that in order to change how I am, I'm going to have to sacrifice and SUFFER. I'm going to have to destroy my body - shock it, tear it to pieces - in order to start all over from scratch. And that's what I'm going to do. My body and my appearance makes me sick to my fucking stomach. But I'm not going to sit here and complain. Nay. Instead, I'm going to see how far this disgusting pile of shit I call a body can go. I'm not going to sit here and type how I'm going to do it in order to motivate myself or anything like that. I'll just say this: if I don't do anything, i'll be disgusting for the rest of my life, and I cannot accept that. If don't change something, then the rest of my life will be like today - a complete fucking waste.

No more judging. Just action.

The one perk of sleeping so much today is the weird dreams I had. I dreamt that a coworker had a crush on me and kept trying to ask me out. One problem. The coworker was a man. In addition to that, one of the managers at work had given me his pet to take care of. It was like a cross between a dog, a rat, and a guinea pig. I had idea what it ate, but it was sitting in my office over the weekend and I had no idea that I had left it there. When I finally got back, my office had been overrun by fruit flies. I then went toa nice restaurant with my parents and my brother, but we had to eat in this banquet hall with a bunch of korean fraternity guys. They hated japanese people, as usual, so they forced me and my coworkers to play this korean board game that's a lot like risk. This one guy got hella into it and started yelling at me, but I had no idea what he was saying and I just kept thinking, "when the fuck am I going to eat?". I also dreamt about this game show/movie, but I can't remember what it was. It was such a good idea too. damn.