San Diego, Hell is a snoring roommate, A book for the ages

So this past weekend I went to San Diego with Jon and Brendan. Why? Because I owed them for being a shitty host when they came to visit me when I was in college. I showed them an extremely bad time, something which I was (rightfully) never able to live down. I, in my naivety, had not realized how angry they were in the past (again, i don't blame them), so as a way of making amends but more for just showing them the stuff that I should have shown them, I planned a trip to San Diego. Plus, now that I wasn't a starving college student, I wanted to go down there and eat at places that I probably wouldn't have gone to before.

I purposely didn't tell anyone that I was going down to SD (sorry) so that I wouldn't do any additional ditch sessions like i did when they first came to visit. I did meet up with my old roommate Justin but that's because he had tried to get a hold of me when he came up here a few weeks ago, and I haven't seen dude in over 6 years. To everyone else, we'll chill next time I come down, which will be sooner than later. If I still don't contact you when I come down next, you can pretty much assume that I now hate you.

Here's how it went:

Jon was able to score a pretty fucking nice hotel right next to Petco park via Priceline (props to Shattner). The place was called Omni, and was pretty damn nice. The only weird thing was it had a sliding door for the bathroom door. And it was away from the wall. So there was always big gaps on either side of the door when it was closed. That meant that anyone walking by the door would get a penis show. But the bathroom was right next to the front door, which meant there was no reason anyone in the room should be over there, which meant that if anyone did walk by there, they were purposely trying to glimpse, which was an indirectly direct way of saying that they were gay. Done.

Thursday - Meet at the airport. Flight is packed (fuck). I hate packed flights. Why? Because of my curse.

See I have this curse that no matter what, I'm going to sit next to, behind, in front of, an annoying fuck. This annoying fuck can be a large person (a fat annoying fuck), someone who kicks the seat behind me (rude annoying fuck), a group of loud people (bunch of annoying fucks), or a crying kid (a little annoying baby bitch fuck). I just have bad luck in this regard. And sure enough..

So on the flight over, three LOUD, ANNOYING asian late teens/early 20 somethings sat behind us. You know, I never understood people that talk loud. Why do people talk loud??? Especially if you're sitting RIGHT NEXT to the person you're talking to. And if you're going to talk loud, and you're in a crowded area that's quite, and has kids, for fuck's sake, don't swear. Also, these three outstanding individuals laughed loud too. And two of them, the guys, had loud GUFFAW kind of laughs. Okay, now add one more thing. Add annoying wanna-be ghetto slang to these loud voices WHILE they're guffawing. Amazing. The whole flight was kind of like this...

Person 1: YO MAN WHY THE FUCK YOU NOT TELL ME THE SEAT BELT SIGN WAS ON?
Person 2: HAHAH. CUZ YOU STOOPID. HAW..HAW..HAW!!!
Person 1: YO MAN YOU REMEMBER WHEN (tells story about how so and so threw up outside of a club)
Person 3: HAHAHA AND YOU WERE PUKING IN A BAG
Person 2: HAW-HAW-YOU-KNOW-WHAT-I'M-SAYIN'-FOO!-HAW-HAW-HAW!!!
Person 1: HAW!! HAW!!! HAW!!!

This curse will exist as long as I have a full flight. It shows no mercy.

Here's another thing about flights. I love it when people come in with a full bag that doesn't fit in the overhead compartments. Unless you've NEVER flown with that bag before, which if that is the case then i better see some brand new tags on it like how people used to do with their hats in the 90s, then why would you assume that THIS time it'll fit??? Ugh. Maybe you need to go on the short plane that leaves the airport early at like 2:30pm while the rest of us leave at 4:30pm after the second recess.

Plus, someone farted on the plane. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Anyways, we get there. Brendan's stomach is jacked so he crashes immediately. Meanwhile, I take Jon to see the magic that is Roberto's (#2 of course). But I forget one thing. It's Thursday. It's finals week. After getting there, we're immediately surrounded by a whirlwind of drunk asian college students trying to get their after pbbg burrito fix. I suddenly feel extremely old. We get our orders and book it. Pull by Ralphs to get some drinks, drive around the UTC area to show Jon my old stomping grounds and head back to the hotel. Eat food. Chill. Sleep around 4am.

Friday - So much for breakfast. Get up around noon. Get lunch in La Jolla at the Cottage. I had the crabcake salad. Hella good. Headed down the street to this place I saw in a magazine called "The Cookie Lady". Ate cookies and lemon bars. Hella good as well. We then hit up La Jolla Shores, and then campus where I showed them around different parts. Dude, students there have it HELLA better than I did. grrr. After that we headed to a dinner at Sushi Ota. HELLA good. In addition to our meals, we got some kobe beef tartar, toki sake (wild salmon...very rare apparently), a toro special, and two cuts of "o-toro". Plus some really good sake, "Masumi". Good shit. After that headed back to the hotel, grabbed a drink and crashed out.

Saturday - Again, so much for breakfast. Hit up the zoo, got some cafeteria quality lunch there, then checked out the entire zoo. That took many hours, but was well worth it to see..a lot animals hiding behind hills and not looking in our direction. Anyways, after that we went to dinner at Phils bbq. There was a long ass line, but I lucky to find out that we could go into the bar and NOT wait. Awesome. we got HELLA food again, which was delicious of course. Way better than I remember. After dinner we headed back to the hotel, where I vowed I would get up to work out, then promptly fell asleep.

Sunday - Woke up early to get breakfast at Brockton Villa in La Jolla. Last time I was here I had a horrible experience due to the people that I was eating with (I'm not going to call out names, but I'm simply stating the fact that it was the most unpleasant awkward meal I've ever had with people I knew), but this time it was awesome. The coast toast seemed to taste better, the omlette I had was really good, and catching up with my friend Justin was fucking awesome. He hasn't changed a bit...still really friendly, funny, and quick with the wit and a good story. After that we headed to the Scripps acqurium which I had never been to. It's cool for it's size. There I saw a hot mom.

Okay..another digression. Attention to all you moms of newborns out there. Please do not wear sexy wear of any kind. No short skirts, no lowcut tops, no makeup, no nothing. If you have a kid, you are only allowed to wear the following things:
1) Men's pants
2) Neck to ankle dresses
3) Mumu's
4) Pantsuits
5) Anything unflattering or unsexy
The reason why, is because a kid is like the ultimate in me thinking "okay nope!". It's a bigger "nope!" than seeing a ring on your finger. Because a kid means you're probably married, and compared to me you're now an old lady. Yup I said it. And thus, in other words, you aren't allowed to appear as even a blip on my radar screen. If I see you in your low cut top and sexy shorts and you're hot, I'm gonna register that hotness before I see the stroller and kid and husband behind you. NOT COOL. So turn around, go back home, and put on that jumpsuit with matching crocs you've had your eye on for a while. Cuz I'm not looking for girls with kids. I'm looking for girls who have permanent beer goggles with nothing to lose looking for a guy that will make them feel like going back to their ex (the one who lives with his mom and has a tattoo of a video game character on his stomach)

Anyways back to it. So after that we headed to Lolitas for a california burrito, and then finally to the airport.

Good trip. Good friends. Good food. Good times. My apologies to Jon and Brendan for the shitty times in the past and I hope this made up for it. If not, well, go fuck yourselves.

Going to SD has made me really want to go back again. I will be visiting again sooner than later. Going down to SD has also made me realize that college is heaven and now it's over. A place where I didn't have to work, had a ton of friends who all lived in the general area, and was surrounded by cute girls all around my age. That was awesome. and now here I am. ready to retire and then die. I know what you're thinking: "Don't look so happy"

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Do you know what hell is? Hell is many things. It's being forced to listen to that fucking "Loney stoner" song (btw, wtf is that shit? "Lonely stoner"??? Why not just call the song "Emo Thug", you wanna-be ghetto hipster crapathon?) It's sitting next to a loud fob family on a 4 hour flight. But one of things it DEFINITELY is is someone snoring when sharing a room with you. Like Kurupt, I'm calling out names. On this trip, Brendan was snoring like he was trying to win a prize. He kept Jon up, which is beyond ironic because jon used to snore a lot, but stopped. Seriously, you have no idea. His snores were epic and unstoppable. No amount of hits, cussing, yelling would stop it. So the following night I take away the extra pillows. No good. I tell him to sleep on his stomach. No good. It was AMAZING. If this happens on any vegas trips, I will pull an ari and start kicking dude in the face. you know how they say snoring is like sawing logs? There were a couple that were like it was petrified wood..and the electric saw got stuck in the wood. It was a work of art. Place your bets. Or somethingggggggg.
- - -
I recently finished a book called "Things I Learned from Women that Dumped Me". Edited by Ben Karlin. It's basically a collection of short stories or "lessons" from various comedians and artists. It's AWESOME. It's right up my alley. Some of the stories are really funny, some are pretty depressing, some of them are hopefully, most are sarcastic, but all of them are awesome. I think one guy says it best: It is crucial to bear in mind that even after a lifetime of such learning experiences, you will never understand the first thing about women. Do not delude yourself about this. Guy's who claim to understand everything about women are like Kansas school boards that cliam to understand everything about the creation of the world".

Think of my other blog, but with actual good writing. I recommend this book to everyone, even the ignorant morons hat are currently in relationships. Just kidding, you know I hat- i mean love you.