Clothes.

I don't dress well, but I'd like to think that I have a bit of a better eye for fashion than I did in college, and certainly than I did in high school, where the rule of "green homeless jacket" and "one pair of black crosstrainers" brought my game down to levels usually reserved for D&D nerds and people who forget to bathe.

These days I have a better idea of what I like and don't like. Unfortunately, if I were thinner and more in shape, I'd have more options of what I could wear. Hopefully that'll be the case someday down the road. But basically I follow a few simple rules

-Ties are awesome. It helps you get away from the typical uniform that all guys wear when they go out. Tie with a cool shirt, blazer, and jeans. Sickness.
-Quality denim is awesome. However, when I say "quality", I'm not talking about Sevens or those other jeans that douchebags wear. I think denim should be a uniform color, or if you do have some distressing, have it be minor and look natural. Flaps on the back pockets are fine if you're a dude looking for a boyfriend.
-Nike dunks (low only) are awesome. If I were rich, I would buy all the colors available. Unfortunately, I am far from being rich, and I have this problem where I'll buy a pair of dunks and then refuse to wear it because I don't want it to get dirty. Yes. Lame, I know.
-Print shirts are cool, but they need to follow a few rules as well:
a) No mention at all of the store that you bought them from. Usually this is because it's done in a stupid way where the name is in huge font on the front. So basically the shirt turns you into a billboard or an attempt to show your status. (Exceptions to this rule: Stussy, because I like their shirts, but you can't really get away from them putting their name on the clothes)
b) NO Ed Hardy or Affliction, unless you're using the shirt to: start a campfire, need a rag to clean up when you change your car's oil (caveat: the shirt cannot be old..it must be used as an oil rag while the shirt is brand new and never been worn), or just to wipe your ass when going to the bathroom.
c) Fitted, but not tight. You don't want to be dressed like a douchebag
-I'm coming around to argyle socks.
-If all else fails, a nice tshirt and light jacket will work wonders. The word of the day when you're dressing to meet up with folks is CLEAN.
-Thin stuff is cool. I like the layering look. Thin hoodies, thin blazers, thin sweaters. All good stuff.

Fashion No-Nos for me (personally)
-No hats. My head is way too big. Plus my hair is thin anyways. If I wear a hat, it'll look like I'm trying to hide it.
-No cargo pants. In the past I had several pairs. I even had a pair of CARGO PANTS JEANS. Wow. Cargo pants makes you look like you want mc hammer pants, but dont want to commit that far. Besides, how much fucking room do you need to carry your shit??
-Aviators (sadly). Even though I'll probably end up buying a pair eventually, the unfortunate fact is if you're asian and you get aviators....a) if the aviators are a solid color, you will look like a fob. Thanks fobs, for ruining it for everybody. b) if the aviators are a gradual tint, you will look lik a douchebag. Thanks douchebags, for ruining it for everybody.
-No rings, bracelets, jewelry of any kind except for a watch. There was a time in my life where I would wear a plain ring. I thought it looked cool. The unfortunate thing is, a ring on me was like a random tattoo on a supernerd. It just didn't look right. From the point of relization to the end of my life, I think the only metal objects I'll wear on my person is glasses (be they sun or seeing), a watch, and maybe someday a wedding ring (I had to throw a joke in here somewhere). I know a lot of guys can pull off jewelry, but I'll stick to a fashion quote that I saw in GQ a long time ago that said the only jewelry a guy should be wearing is a watch. Amen.
-No tattoos. I recently read another article that said that tattoos used to count for something. But now that every Tom, Dick, and Harry have one out there, they don't really. But my bigger reason is you simply can't get a tattoo if you're fat. It'll look weird. Plus, a tattoo would be like the ring I mentioned above. No go. I think those that get tattoos for personal reasons, that's cool. But if you just get a tribal band because everybody else is...well....you might as well go buy some aviators with a gradual tint and also...
-No polo shirts. I basically don't wear polo shirts because I'm too fat. But also, I feel like polo shirts have been ruined the the masses of douchebags and frat boy bros. I'm not sure who's great idea it was to layer multiple polo shirts and pop all the collars up, but that guy needs to be kicked in the crotch by everyone on the planet at the same time.
-No boots. Boots are for construction workers, cowboys, and members of the Wu-Tang Clan.
-No regular wallets. I hate having bulk in my pockets. I've taken to using a money clip and a card holder. The only exception to this would be a dope ass velcro wallet, which I am constantly searching for.

I really need to add more color to my wardrobe and more textures as well. I'm certainly not style conscious, but I'm working on it.

And that concludes this blog. It has become apparent that I spent an entire blog talking about clothes and fashion. Wow. My next blog will have to be about nothing but steak, beer, lesbian porn, and girls in high heels and bikinis eating steak and beer while watching lesbian porn.