ooooh i've been neglecting this blog, and so i shall write in it. But first I gotta shower.

brb.

aight back. And so fresh and so clean.

So Cal Trip 2-17 to 2-19

Aight so the so cal trip. The trip down to OC was coo. but it was off to a rocky start when i failed to realize that it was presidents day weekend. Additionally, apparently it was also the beginning of "winter break" or some shit for kids, so the airport was EXTRA packed. So I got to the airport at 730AM on friday morning, hoping to get into my flight at 8am. Well, the security line went through the airport, up the ramps, into the parking lot, and zigzagged over itself FIVE times. It was like being at a shitty disneyland. So i miss my flight, and then I just barely get on the next one. I also have the pleasure of sitting next to the man with the fattest legs i have ever seen, which is interesting, because the rest of him was not fat. That sucks. I was in a rotten mood, mainly because I hadn't eaten, and so therefore, the only delight i found on the plane as I drifted into a pissed off sleep was hearing the little kids cry out in pain as we increased altitude. LOL. Jacked, huh?

Anyways, once i got to the OC, it was fine. I chilled with helen, and then met up with my good friend mike. It was awesome seeing them both. We chilled at south coast for a while, and then went to get some boba, waiting for traffic to die down. We then picked up minh, and we headed to this ramen place in anaheim (mike's secret spot). He said this was the best ramen place in U.S.A., and since this guy is pretty much a japanese guy in a white man's body (i.e. mike can speak pretty much fluent japanese, can read fluently as well, has a japanese girlfriend, has a japanese family over in japan (they "adopted" him)), and thus i trust his judgement when it comes to japanese food. Upon reaching the restaurant, he ordered for me, minh, and himself (cha-siu (sp?) pork ramen and a side of friend rice). He ordered us to drink the broth as soon as it came, and was a bit disappointed when we got our orders that the broth wasn't boiling hot. He noted that the broth tastes different everyday since it's homemade, and that we had come on maybe a B+ day. Anyways, the stuff was delicious. Absolutely delicious. It tasted a lot better than the crap back in the bay, and the crappy place in SD. Maybe I need to try other places, but the place on saratoga, and especially the place on convoy do not measure up.

Anyways, after that, we dropped minh off, and helen off at her car, and then off to mike's place. Mike lives with his grandma, who was gracious enough to let me crash at her phat pad. I got to stay in the guest room, and it had a FULL sized bed. This was bomb for two reasons: 1) I had been on my damn feet all day, and I had barely gotten any sleep the night before and 2) my bed at home is a fucking twin. There was one portion of my life where i had the wonderful experience to sleep in a full sized bed the majority of the time, but those days are long gone, and i'm once again stuck in a fucking twin sized bed. Bah. When i move out of my parents place, and i get a good paying job, i'm gonna buy myself a CALIFORNIA KING, JUST FOR ME, with 8000 thread count sheets. Yeah.

The next day, we headed down to SD. That was a trip and a half. I hadn't been to sd in many many months. I had nearly forgotten what it looked like. It was even better going down because I totally over it, meaning that now that i had gotten used to living in the bay, it was not a melancholy experience to visit SD. I didn't get to see a lot of people, but then again, i didn't exepect to. I did see bobby, DJ cham, george, randall, fiona, norm (thanks for the drinks homie), brian, JEN, neil, alan, leslie, christina, and the lo. It was tite. We ate dinner at this japanese restaurant i've never been to, then we went to typhoon, and I was immediately reminded of how much SD DJs suck. The night ended with going to Roberts #2, which was a flavor well-missed. I wish I had time to stay in SD longer, but it was a good enough taste.

The next day I headed back up to OC with mike, then chilled with helen until I had to go to the airport. It was good to see her.

Heading back home again, I was NOT surprised to find that my flight had been DELAYED. How delayed? Like an HOUR. This leads me to express a big FUCK YOU to southwest. While I was waiting in line way back in the beginning of the blog, I was surprised to see an American Airlines agent going up and down the line to grab people who had flights who were leaving soon and move them to the front of the line. Southwest said that was not their policy to do such things. Well FUCK YOU SOUTHWEST. That's the LAST time i'm flying on their broke-dick airline!! [broke-dick is slang courtesy of J. Quigz, aka Randall]

It was nice to be back home, as I've realized that living at home has made me a lot more clean that I used to be. I was horrified to hear myself think "dude, do you just throw you shit on the ground like that? Why dont you pick that stuff up??" when i was chilling at my friend's places. Cry.

Being being in SD, gave me an UP FRONT realization of how much I had changed and grown since I had left. That was a serious trip, and it made me feel even more comfortable in my shoes. I had been there, and done that, and here i am now, doing what I gotta do.

I'll end this entry with that.

so the birthday activies were cool. I can now right about them, because now that's it's two days later, i no longer need to worry about it sounding like a "hey IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! TELL ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" kind of entry. Anyways, on friday, brendan, brian, mel, and jon (*EDIT: AND BRYANT THE WHINY KOREAN! LOL. love ya man!) took me out to this japanese restaurant. We got all kinds of food, and some rolls, and even some nigori sake. They fucking treated my sorry ass, and it wasn't cheap! But the food was great, and the company was even better. Some awesome pics were taken, and I had a great time. Thanks guys! Afterwards, we went back to jon's place and played some poker. I lost. No thanks guys! lol. Then on Saturday, Brendan, Andy, Bryant, and Jon came over to dinner. My mom cooked up some crazy foods: bbq'd teriyaki chicken, bbq'd marinated steak, inari sushi, broccoli, and a shitload of fried wontons. She also bought me a guava cake from Aki's. Damn. We all ate so much that we damn near passed out. If you wanna know how any of the food was, just ask anyone who came. Anyone else who DIDN'T COME IS NOT ONLY A BAD FRIEND, BUT MISSED OUT ON THE BEST MEAL EVER. JK. SORTA. JK. NO REALLY. LOLZ. Afterwards, we headed back to Jon's place, and then me, jon, and brendan went to santa clara billards to shot some pool. I am absolutely amazed at how much better jon is. This fucker used to take 20 minutes before taking a shot, taking out all kinds of graph paper, protractors, and his TI-85. Now he takes 2 seconds and then sinks all the balls in and your ego takes another shot to the face. All in all, a great birthday weekend. Lots of food, good conversation, and chillin'. Thanks to my friends up here for planning the dinner and poker game for me. You guys seriously make it possible to live up here without going insane.

valentine's day came and went. it was a regular day. What i did actually, was sit at home and count all the money i would have spent. Too bad that doesn't count for much...
Me: "Look at all this money! I'm rich, biatch!!"
Them: "I got laid last night"
Me: "=*("

Finally turned in all my paper work and stuff for graduation. It's finally starting to hit me that i'm going to be getting my masters in a few months. Well, that is, once i finish this HUGE project ahead of me. But yeah. Crazy. I guess after all is said and done, going to grad school was worth it. Actually, wait till I see how much I'm making for my first job, and then i'll let you know if it was worth it lolz.

Weird thing...I've come to the realization that at my age, there are two groups of people. Those who are single, and those who are dying to be married. Yes, people want to get married. A much stronger argument however, can be made about those that are taken vs those that are single. It seems that all the girls my age are taken, and all the guys my age are not. Or maybe it's just the people i know. And you would think, well, that's impossible, because is close to an equal number of guys and girls in the world. Well, maybe in the world, but ur forgetting two important details. One, in the bay area, guys outnumber girls at a staggering ratio of like 6:1. That fucking SUCKS. I'm not fucking kidding. Two, you're forgetting bout the hot lesbians. They can be in a relationship without a guy. And they're all hot. lol.

So looks like vegas is off. Oh wells. San diego? Maybe. OC for sure.

aight. time to go to the eye doc. i'm running out of contacts. And i need a haircut SO BAD.

so here we go yo
here's the scenario

lots of things.
first off, I had a dream that someone was complaining to me about how boring undergrad life was. I distinctly remember fighting the urge to hit them. I think..no i KNOW...that if ur an undergrad, you are BEING SPOILED. You have so much right there in front of you to enjoy and love..SO much potential to do stuff that you can put in LESS effort, and still get MORE. This is because as you pull away from the AWESOMENESS, people will always call you up and stuff to try and PULL YOU BACK. Oh you might think that is not the case, but wait UNTIL YOU LEAVE. So if you complain about undergrad life, then that deserves a Street fighter 2 13-hit super move combo finish with Ken wearing the green gi. Cuz getting knocked out by a man in a green gi is more embarrassing than getting knocked out in a pillow right or getting bruised by a feather.

My mommy got me KICKS YO. Asking about what she should get me, I said "kicks". So she gave me one..TO MY FACE. (edit: oh man, i so funny!) Yeah, she got me a brand new pair of KSwissessess!! I still haven't worn the pair I got for xmas, so now i have two brand new pairs of white shoe goodness. I love a brand new pair of white shoes. cuz white shoes are like rice or duct tape: they go with everything.

Sweeeeeet! my house class got moved to Tuesdays!! That means I can still go to dance class!! Sweet. Well worth the money. And it'll give me something to do tomorrow. So while everyone else is out getting their snuggle on, I'm gonna be getting down to some serious rhythm, some NYC house. Man, when it comes to house, those east coast peoples sure know how to get down. Maybe someday i'll go to NYC for one night just so can check out the poppin'/house scene.

I found out that "Time of your life" by Greenday is not a happy song. Everyone plays it at graduations and shit like that, but it's not a song with a positive message. The true meaning of it is a very sarcastic one..it's pretty much saying I hope you had a good time cuz you fucked it up for me. Hence, the "good riddance". I also found out that "Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan (sp?), is about a person's addiction to drugs!!! no!!!! that song is awesome, but she wrote the song about the "angel" being drugs and taking away the person's pain "may you find some comfort here". Of course, realizing this didn't take anything away from the song, in fact, it made it even more beautiful -- in a very cold and realistic way.

gonna head down to Orange County this weekend. Then it's off to vegas. Perhaps. If not vegas, then it's gonna be just a weekend trip to SD. Either way, i'll be good times. No matter what i'll be seeing some people that I haven't seen in a long time.

Tony, playing Winning 11, after getting scored on by the computer: "Yeah! You should be proud of yourself, you piece of shit!"

shit was hilarious. I still laugh when i think about it.

2005.

2005 was a milestone year for me.

Mentally, I pretty much grew into a different person. Shedding the skin of my college years, with all of the emotions and memories and stuff i was used to, was extremely difficult. In addition to the various thoughts of leaving behind a lot of things and ditching all my friends, I had a lot of self-doubt. If what I was doing with my life was the right thing. In a pitiful attempt, I tried to keep my "san diego" self as sustained as possible while up here in san jose. The resulting outcome was a stressed out, pissed off person who's health was affected by the contact negative feelings. Wow.

Then came July. That trip to Monterey. The aquarium. I remember a long time ago, when I had first gotten down to SD, I had told brendan one time when he was stressed out: "Hey man, we should go to Monterey next time i come up. That city always relaxes me and helps me think. I like it so much that sometimes I think about buying a place there so i'll always have a place to stay when i go there". Well, when we went, I hadn't been to Monterey in many many years. Going there was the first time that I felt like i had started to let some things go and accept that life has to change. Seems stupid, huh? Such a simple truth. But i was so stubborn, that I fought everything around me. My work ethic in school suffered greatly, and while I still did okay on the work, my heart definitely wasn't in it.

But as I stood on the back "porch" of the aquarium, and I saw the ocean stretched out in front of me, I started to discover a new appreciation for what was around me. This was a dark ocean, the ice cold water filled with seaweed and animal life, with coasts that consisted of rocks, not sand. This was the beach that I grew up with, not the sunny warm waters of La Jolla. To say that standing on that porch was a moment of catharsis for me is an understatment. I'm not being cheesy when I saw that that trip was the first moment since i got back where i felt genuinely like myself again.

After that, I tried my best to take a step back and look at what was around me. As the bitterness and negativity slowly melted away, I found both a sense of "coming home" (duh) to stuff that I had grown up with but never really took the time to appreciate. And even better, there was much to discover and explore (i.e. where are the good places to eat?, oh crap! there's actually good japanese food!) I got used to being on my own during the day, not eating out all the time, pretty much never eating pho or boba, and shopping at GOOD grocery stores.

Nevertheless, there are days where I can feel that feeling come back. A sad feeling that things that i left behind are gone completely, with no way that i can find them again. I've pretty much given up the idea that I will ever be as close with my friends down in san diego as when i lived down there. People change, and it's hard. I still stories from time to time from the few i still keep in touch down there..about the places that were my old stomping grounds, the house parties, the clubbing trips. And in a way, I envy them. I want to be there with them. And yet..that feeling has died out...just a melancholy aftertaste, I suppose. If i were to go back, I would feel so out of place it would be like my experience of moving back to san jose all over again. I'd have to find myself again, and after the delight that I became when I went through that the first time, I think i'll pass.

Dont get me wrong. My college years were the best fucking years of my life. I learned so much about life, about myself, about everything. Everything that I had always wanted my life to be had become reality while i was going to college. I was in a great fraternity with a shitload of awesome friends and i had a beautiful girlfriend. I was so happy that it almost seems like a dream when i think about it now. I will never ever forget my time in college, and can never express how grateful i am for being able to go down there and experience what i did. But it's done now.

Anyways...YES, i feel good. Somedays i feel great. I have to look ahead to the future without staring at the past. cuz if I don't, and i let the past affect where i'm looking, i'll run into a pole. A pole with spikes on it. And the spikes are covered in cilatro.

Life is different now, and in a way, I'm glad it is. I had to change, and I had to grow. Jon said "the times in life when we are most insecure are the times in which we learn and grow the most". This is true. I know it's true, because I've lived it.

Anyways, digression....

Come Dec, I was much more content with who i was, and where i was going. It was a very surreal feeling to feel content, and almost, happy with everything. It was hard to tell if i was happy because I had finally gotten used to my surroundings, or if it was just because I wasn't feeling sad anymore. Maybe both.

I used to say that 2005 was a horrible year. But i just had to get through it in order to see how much of a blessing in disguise it was. My one thought from 2004 to 2005 was: "Life is out to get me". Hardly. Life is doing me a big favor by throwing curveballs at my nutsack (not literally) in order to keep my jumping around and staying alert. Like Tony told me over ramen when i first got back here, "These are all tools in your toolbox. Later on in life when you have to deal with something, you'll have the right tool for it". But it goes way beyond that. It's not just specific solutions for specific situations that you learn from these experiences. They teach you to accept the fact that you can't always be comfortable in life, and that when life catches you without an umbrella cuz you didn't think it would rain and starts raining cats and dogs on your ass, that it's okay sometimes to run around like a kid till you catch a cold.

So May will roll around, and if everything goes to plan, I'll have my Masters. With that finished, it's now time to look for a job. Where to? I have no idea. There's a couple of companies up here in Palo Alto, and there's a company down south in Orange County that i would love to work for. I'm just ready to move on to the next phase of my life because this one is coming to an end. I've learned a lot from it, both in academics and in regards to my outlook on life. Now i just want to put those skills to use. The pretty much dead in the water lovelife of mine does suck, i won't lie, but we'll leave that discussion for a future blog post. Right now, i'm having a "manifest destiny" moment, and we dont wanna ruin it.

so yeah. I guess happy and carefree IS the way to go. Who would have thought. Yeah shut up.

Bring it on 2006. Cuz I'm ready.

Things that piss me off,
brought to you by maruchan instant noodles. Destroying japanese cuisine one flavor at a time, Maruchan.

Those vegas commercials. I don't really know why. Okay yes i do. Those commercials are stupid. Pure and simple. Stupid. Yes. Stupider than that mountain dew commercial. I mean come on, are we to assume that eveyrone who goes to vegas becomes a skanky whore and fucks other ugly people and does all these nasty ass things that they can't talk about it laters. EVERY SINGLE ONE of those commercials makes me cringe. The "naughty" parents coming home, the old ugly asian lady who apparently puts some "no no's" on her postcard (oh come on, what taboo shit could she be writing? "today i bet thirty dollar on sic bo numba 15. [insert fobalicious yelling]!"), the lady who hides her sexual escapdes from her husband with the stuff that she bought, ARGH! The commercials are so stupid and dumb that it makes me want to NOT go to vegas, YEAH. THAT FUCKING BAD.

and now, gym time.

A few weeks ago. While playing cards.

Someone else at the table: "So yeah you guys see Brokeback Mountain?"

John Ho: "Wait is that the movie with the two gay cowboys?"

Someone else at the table: "Yeah"

John Ho: "Oh are you serious? That's what it's called. I could have sworn it was called Bareback Cowboys"

What made it even more funny was that he wasn't joking. He really did think that that was the name of the movie.

Comedy.