I think the worst job in the world would be to be the "rep" for some celebrity. What a stupid, pointless job that certainly does not make the world a better place. You're pretty much the cleanup crew for this person that makes you look like you're their bitch. Sure, you will probably make a lot of money, but no one will take you seriously, because it's a given that you're going to deny any wrongdoing or bad stuff your master has done. And because that's what they do, I see their existance as pointless.

For those of you who are looking for places to get some quality fish (to cook), I would suggest going to the farmer's market in Mountain View. Apparently, there's a guy there who sells the fish that he catches, as well as some fish from other fishermen that he has connections with. Let me tell you, that shit is FRESH. I mean, the fish doesn't have that "fishy" smell at ALL. And it tastes SO much better than the supermarket fish. Even Race Street doesn't compare to this stuff. I cringe when I think of how old all the fish I've been eating from the bigger supermarkets was.

In the past few months, I've been witness to many of my friends getting their hearts ripped out of their chests by the girls that they loved and thrown on the floor and stomped on. While I admit that it's life, it's still painful to see. Heartbreak/heartache is a horrible thing in that it is like a fever, there is nothing you can really do...you can only let it run its course. Things will get better, that is inevitable (unless you FORCE yourself to stay miserable, which some do, for they see it as a way of making the love that they feel everlasting (this action which is, btw, complete and utter bullshit), but it doesn't occur to you when it's happening.

Heartbreak hurts guys and girls equally. I think. Or at least I'd like to think so. I'm not saying that girls don't hurt too, because seriously, us guys are stupid and cause females a lot of frustration and pain. I'm focusing on the ending of the relationships tho. I see a common theme in ending of the relationships of my friends and family around me in that they all blame themselves for the breakup. There is no admission of "it was both our faults", but rather a proclaimation of how they themselves fucked it up. It was this way for me too...at the end of my relationship (yeah you read that right, it's singular), I blamed myself for the ending of it (though I will admit that the "first relationship" blunders, added with my own stupidity, both during and subsequent to the breakup added to fuel the fire of the destruction). I just hate seeing it. It takes two people to make a relationship, and two people to break it. Unless one person cheats, and even in that case, it can still be recovered.

Being out of a relationship for so long is a good/bad thing. It's given me the ability to THINK. And i'm not talking about all those bullshit "epiphanies" and "revelations" that I've had in the past. I'm talking about some serious self-reflection. I feel like I've come MILES and MILES since sept of this year, and i'm trying to capitalize on that. Anyways, it's given me time to think about myself and my life and what's truly important. On the other hand, it feels weird. I mean, i've been out of a relationship for SO long that I can barely remember what it's like, and furthermore, I dunno..I just want to see what i'd be like in a relationship now - now that all this time has elapsed and I've been thinking and learning and all this stuff.

Finally, my life is getting way too routine. I need to go do more things. I need to travel around more. and when I say travel, I mean places around here! there are lots of things to do, and yet i've seen none of them. and it also seems, and I say this with no spite or anger whatsoever, that no one here has any urge to go do new things. It's not because we dont want to, I just figure we're all just slaves to our routines/work schedules. That and no one wants to plan anything because it's a pain in the ass. I also hope that the reason why our group of friends are all getting more distant is because we're in hibernation mode until it gets warmer and we do more things. But if not, that's life and it only means that I need to finally get off my lazy ass and do more things to meet more people.

Another weekend filled with interesting stuff.

-I got to see what it's like to get destroyed on the dance floor. Jon and his dance crew all went to sofa lounge, and i decided to tag along. Some sucky guys come along and try to battle, if you can even call it that. Its' more like, they were trying to mock the people dancing cuz they were drunk and/or stupid. So they get served up pretty good, and they they try and c-walk. Here's the thing: c-walking is for gangstas, not club-goers. And do not EVER try and use c-walking in a battle circle! That immediately says that you cannot dance. Anyways, so then, the choreographer/teacher of the entire crew gets up, and SERVES these two guys. It's ridiculous. It's too bad they didn't understand/appreciate what was going on, cuz they sucked too much. Sad.

-I drank something on the rocks for the first time. That means i'm old. Halfway through the glass I gotta say tho, I wished I had had ordered it with a mixer.

-I'm always tired these days. I don't get it. It's getting to the point where I need coffee everyday. Oh wells.

Time for another week to start. Sweet.

When you love someone, if you love someone, then you owe it to them to be as clear as possible. None of this implying, insinuating shit. None of this "you should have known" shit. None of this. When you love someone, you tell them. You have no problem telling them if they are making you pissed, or if they are making you happy. It's called honesty. And if you can't be honestly with the person you're with, maybe you should analyze if you really love the person, or just someone to keep you from being alone.

Sometimes I think you learn more from observing than from actually doing it yourself.
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I need to keep improving myself. I need to make myself better today than I was yesterday. I need to keep learning, exercising, reading, living, breathing...standing on the edge of today and looking out over everything that life has to offer.

Today is the best day of my life, and I'll be damned if I waste it.

I need to make myself better for the people who are in my life...for myself, my family, my future love, everything.
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It's a sad sad thing that the longer time progresses, the more I lose touch with the friends in my life. Even up here.

Time to expand the social circle. I just need to figure out how.
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It was only a matter of time. See yah.
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When I get older, I will get a dog. The dog will be a shiba inu. He will be called "Buta", "Ed", or "The Dog Named After Its Owner, Steve"

I just got into work and before I start on the mountain of designs I need to fix, i thought I'd get a quick blog in. Or maybe not. We'll see.

Yes, it is that time of year. The Monday after the giving of thanks, in which the xmas season officially starts. Let's be honest here. Xmas is the only good holiday left. (Except Mother's Day/Father's Day cuz you gotta give respect where it's due) It fact, in my book, it is the ONLY holiday left. Why? Well let's take a look at all of the other "holidays":

HOLIDAYS THAT SUCK:
1) Halloween - wow. This one used to be so cool. Dressing up, going around the neighborhood to get candy, finding the cool houses (the ones that give away the regular sized candy bars, and none of that "back to school" shit aka pencils/pens/etc...and dont even get me started on the houses that gave away toothbrushes). But now halloween is a pain in the ass. You gotta go buy candy for the rude ass kids that come trick or treating. Halloween is now dumb because I would never go trick or treating myself..i mean, I can either waste an hour going around getting candy, or I can go to the store, pick out the candies I WANT, and then buy them for less than TEN BUCKS.

The only good thing about Halloween now is that it's an excuse to go party. And me, being a guy, loves this aspect of Halloween. Why? Because at our age, dressing up for halloween has become to very different things for each gender. Lemme break it down:

Males - Dress up in something funny.
Females - Dress up in anything, but then make it slutty. The more slutty the better.

Man it's so much easier for girls. I would complain that the whole naughty schoolgirl thing is played out, but I WON'T, cuz that shit is HOT.

Anyways, Halloween (the regular activities) are definitely dumb and dumbest.

2) THANKSGIVING - A big ass meal. wtf. I can make a big ass meal any day of the year!!! Hey i know, how bout I make a turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, stuffing, green beans, all that shit on Feb 22, just for the shits of it! Does that mean that it's thanksgiving? no. And rightly so, I mean on thanksgiving, you make turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, stuffing, green beans and all that shit. oh yeah. SAME STUFF.

Summary: Thanksgiving = big meal. Big meal = can be made on any day of the year. LAME.

3) VALENTINE'S DAY - K, I don't need to spell it out. Or maybe I do. If you're not single, you're obligated to do something nice. So anything you do isn't like.."oh how nice of you" it's more like.."yeah you better get me that shit". Lol. What I mean is, something nice is EXPECTED. That sucks! I mean if you plan all this shit out and do this and do that on valentine's day, then to a certain extent it's gotta be expected. If you did all that shit on ANY OTHER DAY, it would be like OMFG/fireworks/exploding confetti dogs/etc.

And lemme push the issue a little further. I'm not saying that all couples are like this on valentines day, but i would HOPE that the girls in the relationship do something nice for the guys too (And I'm not talking about sex cuz that's different)! Lets follow Japan's example, where on valentine's day, the girls give all the guys chocolates and gifts and shit.

K anyways, so if you are in a relationship, you have to do something nice and it becomes expected. If you are single, then you get to be audience to a show of what you're missing. And yes, it's going to be stuff that you're missing. You're not going to see any of the nasty stuff (fights, throwing things, girls messing up they man's car like in them rap videos). Nope. You're gonna see all the lovey-dovey shit and it's gonna be all up in your face. And don't think about shopping to avoid it, cuz you're gonna see nothing but hearts, and red, and signs telling you how lonely and ugly you are. Finally you'll end the day thankful that it's over, but even then you'll be troubled by the fact that all over the country, people are getting a little somethin' somethin', and you ain't getting shit.

4) FOURTH OF JULY - All this is an excuse to BBQ and drink beer. I ain't knocking this at all, but again, you can do this any day of the year. And if you've waited until the fourth to have a bbq and drink beer, you are a sad sap, cuz that means you've wasted half the damn summer. Fireworks are cool, but it sucks ass that the only time of the year you can see them is in july. There should be a city that has fireworks every night, and anytime you wanna see a fireworks show, you can just head there.

5) LABOR DAY - In addition to having no specific celebration involved with it, everyone gets this day off. Which doesn't make sense...i mean, you're NOT working on LABOR day. Why not just call it, "Last Day of Vacation Day" or "No Work Today Day".

6) ALL OTHER MISC HOLIDAYS (Flag Day, Arbor DAy, Columbus Day) - These days are just regular days, but with special names. They make you all excited cuz you think you might get off work, but you don't. It's like getting an xmas present that's really an empty box. Weak.

EXCEPTIONS:

ST. PATTY'S DAY - I fuckin' love corned beef/cabbage/beer/potatoes/lucky charms, so any day where I can eat this stuff is a awesome holiday. You could use my logic explained above about how you could do that on any day of the year against me. And to that, my rebuttal would be: cram it.

NEW YEARS EVE - The one day of the year where you get dressed up, go out with a bunch of your friends, and drink champagne till you're borderline drunk. You get your dance on all night, and when midnight comes you can sing that stupid song with all of your drunk friends and then pop those weird paper things that tell you not to pop it in people's faces. As an added bonus, ever year you can hope that some girl will be drunk enough to actually kiss you. Unfortunately, there isn't that amount of alcohol behind the bar for that to happen. Sorry.

Aight, now i guess I should go over why xmas is cool.

XMAS = COOL: First of all, it's nice and cold. And when it's cold, it makes you want to stay inside by the fire. This is perfect timings to invite friends over and have dinners and chill and stuff.

Second, the tree. Now getting a tree and decorating it is a pain in the ass, but I can't deny how cool a tree with lights and ornaments looks. when I was a kid, I would lay down by the tree and just watch all the lights blink on and off. Pine tree smell is dope too.

Third, PRESENTS. Dude, this is what xmas is all about. Giving presents and getting them too (fuck what you heard lol). Christmas shopping is a pain, but giving presents to friends and family is cool. But lets be real here. Getting presents is JUST as cool. You can't sit here and tell me that if you gave a bunch of presents and then GOT NONE that you would be happy with that. If you would be, then you are either: a) giving away presents just to feel good about yourself, in which i would say that you have self-esteem problems b) a person who thinks that their friends are friends but really aren't c) the Father of Christmas himself, Santa Claus.

Fourth, food. Okay this totally backs up my point about Thanksgiving. Xmas dinner is SO similar. Family. Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, pie, etc. ALL THE SAME STUFF. So in essense, xmas is like thanksgiving times roughly A MILLION. Thanksgiving got served/owned.
Plus peppermint, one of the coolest spices/flavors around, becomes a focal point when xmas comes around. You got peppermint this and peppermint that. Dryer's comes out with their peppermint ice cream, which is by FAR one of the dopest ice cream flavors around. Eggnog (which i still want to try getting drunk off of), christmas cookies (who cares if it's just sugar cookies with a shitload of frosting on it), christmas ham (goes even better with the owned thanksgiving turkey), figgy pudding (whatever the fuck that is).

Fifth, everyone comes home. It doesn't matter where they are, but all your friends who are based somewhere else, but actually grew up in the bay area, come home for the holidays. This means you can spend time with all of your friends without leaving home. Awesome.

Sixth, christmas vacation. OH WAIT. THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVE TO WORK.

speaking of which, i better get to it.

There is so much good in the world, it's just that our perceptions are keeping us from seeing it.

I think I'm finally starting to truly feel the difference between arrogance and confidence. It's one thing to vocalize the difference, but it's something else completely to FEEL it. Haha I should note that I'm saying I'm gaining confidence..I'm just seeing the difference.

You only have bad days if you feel sorry for yourself. Period. Horrible events are only horrible if you perceive them to be. It's hard when there are days when everything seems to go wrong, but take a look around you...is it really going wrong? Or are you just thinking they're going wrong? Life has no personal vendetta against you. Or if you must notice all of the bad things that are happening, put as much, IF NOT MORE, thought into the good things around you as well.

If all else fails, take a nap. There is nothing more enjoyable than a nap. Especially on a cold day when it's raining. Oh man. The only way that could get any better is if that nap could be taken while eating jello w/whipped cream simultaneously. Oh and with a hot girl. And money. And spam musubi.
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Aight back to work. I think i'm getting sick. Headache, and the comings of a sore throat. Time to vitamin C it and then hit the hay early. Yup.

Always learning...

Ignorance may be bliss, but i would glad pay all my comfort, and go through all kinds of pain in order to gain knowledge. Ignorance is bliss because you're simply ignorant to what true happiness is. True happiness can only be attained through knowledge, for it is only knowledge that lets you truly understand yourself and the world around you.

Ignorance is bliss? BULL.SHIT.


I don't know if i'm learning more. I certainly don't believe that I am smarter than those around me. However, I do think that due to my constantly thinking, especially in a more positive realistic POV as of late, that I digest more of what happens both to me and around me. I am certainly surprised by some of the things i've seen/observed as of late, and it confuses me. But it is not my life, and I cannot judge. I can however, keep learning.

Every single problem in life comes down to ONE single thing. Not knowing yourself. That's all it is. When you break down all of life's problems, that's what it comes down to. Sounds simple right? Yes, except for one thing. Facing what you think about yourself is something that most of us are terrified of. We'd much rather bask in a fake sunshine that gives us that immediate gratification that face reality that give us a much more geniune happiness in the long run.

Yesterday is over, and tomorrow is never here. Today is right now. LIVE IT.

Thank you Mom and Dad, for doing everything you could to raise me right and to give me the things that didn't come so easily for you growing up.

Thank you for giving me and my brother opportunities to make the most of our lives, and for even today, making sure that we have everything we need to be productive.

Thank you for always putting us first, making sure we had enough to eat, a roof over our heads, and simple luxuries that were comfortable but not spoiling. Thank you for scolding/disciplining me when I acted out or tried to do things my way.

Thank you for putting up with me, no matter how difficult I made it.

I don't deserve everything that you've done for me, but I'll do my best to make you both proud. This is only right because I am very proud to have you two as my parents. You two are both wonderful people, who I can see clearly love one another. I do not worry about being able to recognize a good relationship because in my eyes, I've been given the perfect role models.

It's so easy to take things for granted, and I think for a long time, I took what I was given by you two for granted.

I curse myself for constantly always looking at the bad things in life, when it's very clear that you've both worked your hardest to make sure that I have nothing but positive things to look at.

I love you both, and in the coming years, I will offer you the same kind of care that you offered me when I was younger.
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Thank you Grandma and Grandpa, on both sides, for doing the same thing, but also for raising my parents right and teaching them the importance of life's lessons. The way all four of you were has helped me become the man I am today, both directly in my interactions with all of you, and indirectly, through my parents.

You survied a world war, and an internment where you lost everything, the whole time raising a large family, and making sure that your children didn't feel the ill effects of a country's paranoia. Never once did you complain or make a sour comment about any parts of your past that were more difficult than they should have been.

I only wish you were all still around so that I could talk to you. I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me and my parents. I wish I could hear what you had to say about life, because I know your wealth of wisdome stretched way beyond your years.

I miss you all terribly.

But each one of you has made a strong impact on my life, and for that reason, you're not really gone, and you never will be.