Yesterday I went out to eat and i was in a ROTTEN mood. It was nuts. I could tell how rotten a mood I was in by a) the things that I said b) the fact that today I look back at how I was feeling and can think "dude, it just FELT hella different". When you notice the difference, you know that that shit was rotten to the corest. Furealz.

Anyways, I'm gonna have to sleep cuz I got another couple days of class. Yes. Class. I'm taking class for work and let me just say that i'm enjoying class way more than my current work project. That is beyond sad. I can't believe I am actually saying that I enjoy class more than I'm enjoying work. I want to punch myself in the spleen for that.

I'm lagging on this diet thing. I will lose weight tho. Yup.

It took me two hours to drive home today. From north san jose. WTF is that shit. I'm not heading back home after tomorrow. Either I'll meet up with someone for dinner, or I'll just go play cards at bay 101 for a couple hours. Fuck traffic and fuck traffic some more. I'm SO happy that i work to the south now. I will never complain about my commute EVER. EVER EVER EVER. I feel sorry for anyone who has to drive north in the morning and then south in the afternoon. bullshit.

I wish I had a part time job at a bar. No I wish I owned a bar.
I wish I was dating that asian girl model for victoria's secret.
I wish I had a brand new accord with the navigation system and all that, or a brand new v6 toyota camry.
I wish I had more clothes.
I wish I had more money.
I wish I wasn't so greed.
I wish I wasn't so fucking fat.
I wish I wasn't so unhappy with how I look.
I wish I wasn't so pathetic
I wish I had more nike dunks.
I wish I wasn't so superficial.
I wish I could dance better
I wish I could play piano better.
I wish i had a donut right now
no i don't.
Yeah I do.
k i'm sleeping.

aight. yet another blog before the work storm hits. Actually I'm taking off kinda early today. I've worked way over my 40, and I deserve it. Now, if I can actually do it, well that's another story.

I'm going to lunch to this place called Shiki's on Santa Teresa. I recommend it if you like japanese food, and if you like getting a lot of pretty decent food for bargain prices. The first time I went there I got their special and I was like DAMN they must be trying to get rid of some extra food. What can I say. Japanese are the only asians who don't just hook up our peoples, but everyone who comes into the restaurant. Japanese are the best. We're hella modest too, and never ever brag.

Okay. I'm going to Vegas again in April, and then possibly again in February. I can't wait. It's gonna be fucking SICK. Feb possibly with old school peoples and April with the crew back home. I'm sure a lot of people don't understand why I love vegas so much, but if you could see it from my eyes, you'd understand. I'm a man who's living out his teenage angst in his mid twenties. I'm not content with living the routine life that I currently have...nah, I have this idea of what life "should" be like, and instead of fighting against it, I'm trying to mesh it with the current status of my life. Maybe that's why I like vegas so much..it gives me an opportunity to enjoy the other extreme of my boring ass life -- partying, drinking, gambling, dancing my ass off, and the opportunity to meet some awesome people (and by people I mean a hot, cute, funny, intelligent, single girl who's not crazy...yeah, and if I meet her i'll take her pic with the loch ness monster and sasquatch..cuz all three are nonexistent). I will never get tired of vegas. There is only one time where I was like okay that's enough vegas -- I had gone to vegas two weeks in a row and I didn't have a job, so I spent 125 on each trip. That's WAY too little to bring on a trip to vegas.

k the amount of work i have to do just tripled. Guess i'll be working this Sat and Sunday too. Oh wells. It's not hard, just busywork. Next week ill be attending classes for work all week too. Unfortuantely, it's to the north, and that means traffic. joy.

holy shit. my friend just showed me a friend of a friend on myspace. HOLY SHIT this girl is hot. She's also local. She's single. WOW. I hate seeing girls like that! It makes me hate life. Why? Cuz I could never get a girl like that. And even if i were to message her on myspace, the probability of failure is like 99.99%. lol. BAH!

Anyways. I've been holding in my pee for like twenty minutes working on work, so i think i'll go. brb.

I think the best feeling i get these days is when i'm at the gym and I start to get tired. and the sweat is dripping down my face, and I want to quit running. Then I immediately think of this article in men's health. In it, this guy says "Enough with the indifferent exercising where you can watch tv and zone out. You want to get in shape? It takes hard work. Yeah you could get in shape by jogging, butyou can get in shape even faster by running hard. Stop complaining and making excuses. If you want it, then work for it, hurt for it." Then I push myself. Push myself cuz i'm sick of it. Sick of looking like shit, feeling like shit, acting like shit. I run and exercise these days for myself, not for her, or you, or them. I exercise to show myself that I can. I exercise to stop being a puss. I will lose weight. I will get in shape. I can't wait till summer cuz i'm gonna cut like an action figure. Well, that or just be more slim.

k i realized something the other day. Have you noticed how the word crab turns gross/funny just be making it plural? The other day I was chilling with some people, and the conversation turned to seafood. This one girl says hella loud, "OMG I LOVE CRABS". k. maybe i'm just being immature, but that sounded really funny to me. It's one thing if she had said "omg i love crab". Cuz when i hear crab. I think crab legs. seafood. when i heard crabs, i think gross stds. k i guess you had to be there. fuck you.

aight. i need to finish up and get the hell outta here. I'm tired. I need to hit the gym. I need to sit on my roof with a beer and watch the sun go down while i think about life.

I love it when people who are fucked in the head when it comes to relationships write blogs/xangas about what it takes to be in a successful relationship. It makes me want to dragon punch the nearest kitten.

And in order to save me from being called a hypocrite, which is probably true, what I write is mostly for me. Yeah, I can say this is how i think this is and that is how I think that is, and blah blah, but that's my life, and will work for me. Not for you. You shouldn't try to do/follow what I say, becuase doing that is like following a human sized millipede through a mine field. Not a good idea, and really gross.

So you dont have to look to my blog for advice on life, because hey, making that kind of mistake is your choice. You fool. LOL.

This blog is really pretty much the first sentence. I wrote this because I was doing my usual xanga blog crawl, and I came across a xanga of a person who has probably one of the most fucked up lovelife and views on relationships. Their whole entry is reminiscent of a shitty Dr. Phil rant about what are the major factors in a good relationship. Patience, understanding, good communication...which is clearly bullshit because everyone knows that the major factors in a good relationship are nachos, number 9 at Togo's, and microwaving marshmellows and laughing at them.

Okay, while I'm killing time before this meeting, let's talk what's attractive bout girls. I mean lets face it, girls are beautiful creatures. Everything a girl does is cute. Even when a girl farts or burps, it's cute (well, maybe not EVERY girl. SOME girls have farts that tear through the very fabric of reality. SOME girls have farts that open up doorways to other dimensions full of awe and amazement. YOU know who you are. heh)

shit. ran out of time. We'll continue this later. Fo shizzle.

another weekend that's much too short. damn.

Friday. Slept. Woke up. Went to SF, place called Syn Lounge with Bryant, Julie, Shannon. Danced not so good. Off beat. Life lesson learned. Drank a beer and a gin and tonic. Good stuff. Went home. Thought about some stuff. A reintroduction of feelings long forgotten. Sleep.

Saturday. Woke up late. Went to have lunch with Daco, Norm, and Cynthia. Sushi maru. Horrible service. Pissed me off. NO japanese restaurant should EVER have bad service. That shit is an insult against the motherland. Fuck that place. They did give a lot of food tho. Ate, chilled, bought some manju. Headed home. Nap. Shaved with a brand new razor..one of the best shaves of my life. Went to dinner for Jeff's bday. Had leftover food from Julie's party. Werd. Went to downtown San Jose with Bryant, Julie, Shannon, Bob, Jeff, Lily. Temple. Got crowded. Went to Loft. Much better. Cute girls with fobberts*. FUCKING REGGAE followed me everywhere. Saw a fight in the parking lot. It was a drunk viet guy trying to drive and his friends were keeping him from driving. Why do angry drunk viets always have to take their shirts off? So it was basically a shirtless guy fighting with 8 of his fully clothed friends. They ram his head into Bryant's bumper. Bryant laughs. Lily walks up to fight with pita in hand. I sit back and enjoy the show. Guy eventually gets carted off by his friends. As he walks by he says "slkj lkhjfas;l alkjasdf" which means "what you looking at???, but remember, this guy has a strong viet accent and he's drunk, thus understanding him is quite difficult. Get in car. Drive home. Bryant drunk as shit. Singing, putting head on my shoulder. Get home. Bryant runs to find andy. I follow. He finds out andy is inthe bathroom. Andy forgets to lock door. Bryants throws open door. Hilarity ensues. We all eat some more food. Jon gets home. Chill till 5. Head home. Go to sleep at 6.

(* a fobbert is a guy who has that typical asian fob haircut where they shave everything except for a small circle of hair on the top of their head, which they then spike up. They look like fucking bert from sesame street. It looks hella stupid and i'm glad i never did that shit. Yes i'm judging and i don't give a shit because the fact that it looks stupid ain't an opinion - 4 out of 5 dentists agree with me - and that makes it a fact, son)

Sunday. Wake up hella late. Sit around. Sit around some more. Sit around some more. Meet up with Tony at eastridge for dinner. Talk. Go to barnes and noble. Buy two mags. Get home. Phone call from Mel, who i haven't talked/seen in a long ass time. Chill some more, and here I am now. It's 1220am and i'm about to go to bed, to start this damn work week all over again.

One of these days I'm going to take off work early and go shopping. I want more nike dunks, more shirts, some thin ties, and whatever else i can find. Gotta head back to the cardroom at some point too. I think i'm gonna start writing again too.

gotta keep going to the gym. Stay positive. It's getting easier.

another vegas trip is in the works, with hopefully another vegas trip before it. Also a trip to yosemite. Also a kickball tourney. I also think it's about time I headed down to SD too at some point. Just gotta get Daco to drive and i'll pay him gas money. Yup.

Had several conversations about guys/girls/relationships this weekend. pretty fucking interesting stuff. The interactions between guys/girls will never cease to amaze me. Seriously. I think it's all fucking hilarious.

I think it's about time I got off my ass and was a little more proactive when it comes to the dating game. It's been a long ass time yo, and I've been more than ready to move on to the next thing.

It's good to be persistent, to be hopeful, to be undeniably sure of what you're doing. But at some point, all that heart turns into stupidity if you can't just let shit go. I think letting something go, and always looking at the positive side of something, is way more precious and important than hanging on until you've wasted everything away and you're left with nothing but lost time and friends who have become acquaintances. Don't assume what i'm talking about here is a girl, or a friend. I'm talking about LIFE and EVERYTHING in it.

Not just with what you've done, but with what you HAVEN'T done. You can regret an action, and you can regret doing no action too. But pretty it's like, anything that is no longer the present you gotta let it go.

But enough about talking. I'm tired of it. I just gotta act from now on. Take the Tony approach. Time to jump first and over analyze later. Crazy actions are only stupid if you don't learn from them, if you take the injuries you suffer personally, or if you're just dumb as shit. Luckily, I'm dumb as fuck, which is in an entirely different league of dumbness.

k a few other random thoughts i've had during work.

I can't seem to get vegas out of my head as i have before. This trip was crazy. I didn't do that much, but the stuff I did is sticking with me. So much so that mentally I'm still there. I want to go back so bad cuz I had so much fun. I'm not even here at work in my head. I'm still at the tables, drinking with my friends and hitting the dance floor. Sweet. I may do a recap in my next blog, or maybe not, and just keep it to myself. This was definitely a "what happens in vegas, etc." trip (i didn't do anything THAT crazy..it was just different).

I need to go to the san jose museum of art on the 28th of this month cuz i haven't been there yet, and there's an exhibit on MC Escher, on both his art and hip hop career.

Movies I need to see: The Departed, Pan's Labyrinth, Letters from IwoJima, Stomp the Yard (perhaps..just to check out the stepping, cuz i know the story is gonna suck balls).

I'm still keeping up the resolutions as much as possible and still learning a lot about myself as each day goes by. The drive to accept myself as I am has me craving to be more social and outgoing. It's something thatI don't think I've matured in, especially in dealings with the opposite sex. Time to change that. And there's only one way to: straight into the danger zone like Maverick and Dr. Green.

"Baby, I wish i was your integral so i could be the area underneath your curves."

Do you have any idea how fucking awesome that pickup line is???? Do you????????
You wish I was joking huh? I'm NOT.

But all in all, it was a good year..no, a GREAT year. This year helped me realize what I'm capable of..and that's a whole lot more. There's no time like right now to make the next minute better than the last, and i'm gonna try to the fullest extent that I can.

End.

Okay. Man. What a week thus far. Yesterday I worked 12 hours. Today I woke up at 6AM to get o a call with a coworker from new york. Then I got a last minute notice about a meeting at 7AM. good thing I woke up so damn early! So after a pointless meeting with the guy from New York, I left home, but first had to SCRAPETHE ICE off my windows (wtf). Then I realized that i had NO fuel. But I had to get to the office before the telecon meeing started, so just crossed my fingers and hoped I'd make it. I did. I ran inside, only to find that everyone was late. And they didn't start for ten minutes later. That meant I could have gone to get gas. Damn. In the meantime, I've had two more meetings, a test session with a participant, got three new assignments, and have been trying to get a hold of two people who apprently do not know how to answer an email. Sweet. So I think I will be here till about 6.

I think for these reasons, I think I will enjoy this weekend in Vegas very much so. Even thought I'll only be there from Friday night to Sunday midday, it will be nice to get away, even if for one weekend. It was pretty hard getting my brain back into "work mode" after having a sweet two weeks off. But that's "real life". Maybe I'll win 500k this weekend at vegas, and i'll stress a little less about money. If that does happen, then everyone gets a large order of friends from mcdonalds on me. The good thing about vegas, is i think i'm going again in Feb and again in April...i think. It's hard to say right now because right now it's just a thought. On other people's minds. But that's fine. I don't mind not planning trips. I just have to decide which vegas trip is going to be THE trip. Yes. THE vegas trip will be the one trip where we go all out. Table service, nice restaurants, spa treatments, suite at the venetian or bellagio, the whole nine. yup. Cuz money be damned, I wanna do it once before I get older and uglier.

k breaks over. back to work.