Another week of work. I've also been assigned a new project, but that doesn't mean my old project is finished. Oh no. So now I have 6 mandatory meetings a week. And 3 of them are early morning. Sweet! I really wouldn't mind going to these meetings except for a couple of things: 1) I never say anything. Seriously. Maybe one or two words. This makes most meetings pointless. 2) Meetings are great, but at some point, they become counter productive.

Anyways, this week has nevertheless been pretty chill. Haven't had THAT much to do. Which is giving me time to do some extra research on the new project.

Also started doing some new cardio. interval training. It hurts. And by the time I'm done with 4-6 cycles, I want to die. This means it's working. I will do this until I become thin. My fat can't stay around forever.

The warriors beat the living shit out of the number one team in the NBA, the mavs last night. Don't believe the hype. If the warrios make it to the playoffs, they will fuck up whoever they face in the first round. The entire third quarter was a highlight reel. Mavs couldn't do shit. It was awesome. When Baron Davis healthy, it's done son.

I'm 27. Sometimes I can hardly believe it when I think it. I feel like i'm 23 tho. That worries me. I need to grow up. I'm no longer young. I'm fucking old. I'm almost 30. There is less room for stupid things and immature attitudes. There is more to life than this, and I need to find it.

Single and lonely, or married and bored? Take your pick. I really really really don't want to talk about loneliness. It's such a pain in the ass to talk about, because bottom line, you sound like a wuss when you talk about it. There is no way you can talk about it and not sound like a weak little wuss. Think about it. Is there any statement you can make about feeling lonely and not sound pathetic? No. Observe:
"I wish I had a girlfriend" = pathetic.
"I wish I had some one who cares about me" = omg pathetic
"I'm so lonely" = holy crap, how pathetic
"Maybe i'm just destined to be alone" = someone get this bitch a box of kleenex and some ho-hos

Is it fun to be single? Yes, being single IS fun.. You can do what you want when you want. You don't have answer to anyone. No gifts, no anniversary to remember, no obligatory phone calls, etc. etc. etc. You also leave that personal space empty. You know, the space that is reserved for significant others. After a while, that space becomes neglected, and you forget about it. And that ain't so bad, as long as you're not reminded about it. Because it leaves you room to remember that you are able to exist and be content ON YOUR OWN. Perpetual daters/significant others have no sense of self-identity, and I cry for them, because there is no greater hell than being 20-something, and having no identity of who you are unless you are with someone. There must a bigger reason for your existence than to be someone's bf/gf.

Ah,but being single is also NOT fun. Why? Well, notice that all the people who say "being single is awesome!" are either assexual robots (don't care at all) or attractive girls (can date and have sex with whoever, until they find a guy suitable for the next bf). Yes, the simple fact of being single is that you are also ALONE. And sometimes it's not fun to be alone, and i'm not talking about the nights when you're feeling frisky, and porn folder is beyond old. At the expense of sounding like a wussy softy mcFru-fru, I'm talking about..well..like that feeling you get when you kiss someone that you're in love with. Yeah. and not a tiny little peck. I'm talking like that deep kiss that knocks your shoes off. The kind of kiss that makes you feel all corny and you start thinking and quoting shitty ass poetry that you come up with on the spot, with shit like "oh now I understand how Romeo felt" (oh shut the fuck up). The kind of kiss that makes you giggle. YES YOU, THE MAN, GIGGLE. And shut the fuck if you're a guy reading this and you say "man i never act like that". PLEASE. I, and EVERY guy out there, acts like a TOTAL PANSY when they are with a significant other behind closed doors. Cuz deep down, you want to be a romantic, but you don't wanna be a wuss. But yeah. That kind of kiss. That kind of connection. IT SIMPLY DOESN'T EXIST IN THE LAND OF SINGLEVILLE. Because Singleville has a population of 1, and that's your lonely ass.

Being single has some personal perks tho. For me, it's allowed me to see things more clearly, in a perpetual third-party POV. It also allows me to throw out my rage against the disgustingness that is PDA. And for those of you couples who dont care if I don't care for it, you will care when I carefully uppercut you (I used "care" four times in that last sentence..that means i'm serious). But I'm not gonna avoid the issue here. I'm torn, not in the natalie imbruglia way, but in a piece of paper way. Half of me is happy that i'm finally standing up on my own two feets and realizes that i have much more to learn and have much more bettering of myself to do. The other half is just lonely. There. I said it, okay? Lonely. But it's weird. I can't tell if it really is. It's not painful like before when i was young & stupid (times infinity). I'm just missing how it feels. Or how I think it feels. You have to realize that it's been quite a while since my last relationship, and in that time, i've (hopefully) grown a little bit. It'll be interesting to see how i act when i find myself in another relationship, but that's beside the point. Loneliness is a bitch. A really whiny bitch that won't leave you alone. Yaaaah.

But it's not like i want to do speed dating or as a friend "hey do you have any available friends?" or sign up for match.com or anything like that. No. It has to happen my way, with me growing some balls, strutting up to a girl (yes, literally), and asking her out to dinner. And before I can get the sentence out, she faints, with a smile on her face and the back of her hand on her forehead. Then at midnight, she turns into a pumpkin, and then I get super depressed because I then realize that I've been chasing after a fruit (literally) YUP. it has to happen THAT way (well, nothing past the first sentence)

But in all honestly, I belive in it happening, when i don't try. I know I'm talking about a simple date here, but that's how I picture it. Just happening.

But that's how it goes. You're single, and you're lonely, or you're married and bored.

But HEY bottom line? You should be enjoying your singleness, while you're young and while it lasts. Because once you find someone and you settle down, you're like the Mavs last night against the Warriors....you're done son.

Time to go home...finally!

Monty Python is one of the only foreign (if not THE only) comedy troupes that make me laugh. The randomness in their original skits are hilarious. Check it:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mpn1anVPZsc&mode=related&search=

http://youtube.com/watch?v=L57-vQvo34E&mode=related&search=

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4jDCxtC-yPw

Another week. Thursday. Whee.

Yosemite camping trip is coming up. Should be good stuff. I haven't gone camping in forever and a day, so I'm looking forward to it. I also heard that Yosemite is supposed to be hella nice this time of year. My friend Cathy, who invited me, said that we were gonna rent bikes and bike around the park, as well as do some hiking and check out the waterfalls and stuff. Hell yeah dude.

I already have one vegas trip in the works, but I want to plan two other ones as well. I told you, I can't get enough of vegas. Fo sure.

I'm trying to drink a gallon of water a day now. For health's sake and also in order to lose weight. I read a couple articles talking about how if you don't drink enough water, it don't matter how good you eat or how much you exercise, you ain't gonna lose a damn pound. I dunno if that's what my problem is, but I figure it can't hurt. Forget about the fact that I had to use the restroom like ten times today.

I had dinner with a friend of mine who happens to be an impossible. It was good times. Interesting conversation. It's fun talking to someone on the other side of the attractiveness ocean. It must be hard attracting people where ever you go. It's a weight that I will never be forced to bear. Lucky me.

Sneezing has becoming nothing but a full time annoyance.

It is weird that I think that Helen Mirren looks pretty damn hot for an old lady? Don't answer that, because the answer is an outstanding YES. You know who else is hot? The animated girl in them einsurance commercial. YUP. And do i need to get a date? YUP!!!

I should go down and visit SD. It's been long tho. When you haven't talked to people in almost 3 years, I dunno...I'd probably have to get a hotel room if I went down.

I need to get some damn running shoes. The ones I have are falling apart.

Tax returns are the bomb.

"you've got to start somewhere, you've got to finish somewhere, and you've got to be focused doing it"-J. Wariner
"You got to get out there and fight everyday" - G. Arenas
Life is moving forward. And I'm riding with it the best that I damn can. And I'm gonna do it my own way and on my own. Cuz at the end of the day, all you got is you. When the rest of the world doesn't believe in you, you have to believe in yourself.

I watched this story about this soccer team that lost all their games horribly. Every team they played, they were swept. They never scored a point. Then one game, they lost, but they actually scored. They said they were more happy than the team that actually won. You gotta start small. That really inspired me.

Disgusted.

http://www.newu.uci.edu/showArticle.php?id=5518

I don't know pisses me off more. The lack of respect for the deceased by continuing the organization, the fact that no one is coming forward to claim responsibility, or that they're already prepared for this kind of thing.

A boy was killed. That makes all those involved guilty of manslaughter, if not murder. And for those who wanna say shit like, oh you don't know..well, i'll leave my personal arguments out of it. The point is a boy who didn't even get a chance to live out his life is dead. His mom has fallen ill. No parent should have to bury their child, and I can only imagine the way it must weigh on the shoulders of his family that no one wants to step forward and take responsibility.

I have friends who are similar kinds of organizations, and I'm certainly not trying to say that all orgs are the same. Most have a positive background. But I'm singling this one out in particular because multiple people have been killed and I don't hear any apologies.

Monday. the worst of all days. I hate mondays. But then again, nothing wrong with a little routine. something to keep your mind and body busy. Otherwise you just sit around and fight the urge to run into the wall to help you remember what its like to feel something. anything. But there are Mondays like this..where the people I need to talk to are out sick or in a different time zone, and the work is just stalling. Thus I have nothing to do, but I have something to do..i just can't get to it.

weekend was cool. Went to watch the crew play kickball cuz my foot is still fucked up. That was cool. The first two teams were aight. The second team that they played were drinking and having a good time. I swear tho, some folks are just way too damn competitive. The last team I heard was nuts. Hella wanted to win. WTF. It's fucking KICKBALL. This is a "sport" played by fucking grade schoolers. Just go and have a good time. And what happens if you win? You get a trophy and a tshirt. Wow. And do you think anyone is going to remember who you are two minutes after they leave the tourney? Not a chance. Gettin all riled up and getting super competitive at a fucking kickball tournament is like getting all serious while you're playing Chutes and fucking Ladders.

afterwards went to Temple. Music was good. Lack of space was definitely not. Weird guy hitting on Lindz was funny. Fat girls dancing crazy on purpose to push us out of the way was not cool. Look I got no problem with people wanting to dance. But when you start pushing and shoving when you got more than enough room, then you need to get pushed back. Adding to that, if you fat as shit and take up as much room as five people, then you really need to cut that shit out. Fatty McFat Fat even took off her hairtie and started swinging her nappy ass hair around. It didn't do a damn thing except make the whole room smell like bacon grease. Good thing Barbara wasn't on that sideof the dancing group otherwise some k-rage would have put humpty dumpty on the ground.

Sunday went out to breakfast with Daco and Loretta. Mil's Diner. Got tri tip and eggs. Good stuff. not a lot of fat. Sourdough, which is a lot better for you than white bread. Wasn't thrilled by the hash browns, carbs and bland, but i'll be damned if I throw edible food away. Then went to eat din din at jon's place. Shit. Got hooked up. Seafood and ribs and pork, son. It was good eats. Got some brownies and some cookies and yogurt and all this and that for dessert too. Ate too damn much. Had to stretch. Stretched too far, shirt went up and exposed the belly. Shan got the laugh of her life, and I made the world a little uglier.
- - -
I hate impossibles. I'm not talking about flying or time travel kind of impossible. I'm talking bout the peoples of the opposite sex that you know you can't get with. There just aint no way. No way in hell. Oh you could try, and maybe you might get hooked up with a pity date or a buddy lunch, but that's bout it. Face the facts buddy - the head cheerleader ain't gonna go out with the president of the math club. But then you see that dude. Yup. You know who I'm talking about. That ugly ass dude who makes even you seem like Brad Pitt, and here he is, walking with a girl who looks like she just missed the cut for the cover of the sports illustrated swimsuit issue. How is this possible? Who knows? We think shit like oh he got money, oh he hung like a stallion, oh he's her brother, but NAY. There's no reason for it. It just is, and the worst part about it? It makes you think...dammnnn if HE can do it, I (that "I" is DOUBLE CAPITALIZED for added effect) can do it!!!. And like Yoda said in Star Wars, "Wrong, bitch" (you must have missed that part).

And these impossibles come into two kinds of flavors, just like regular girls are NOT impossibles: Cute and hot. The hot girls you just lust after physically, while the cute girls make your heart ache. BTW, the 2 diffs between a reg and an impossible: 1)the reg girl will at least contemplate the idea of going out with you. The impossible girl, for any number of reasons,(i.e. friend zone, out of your league, she's a racist asian girl and will only date white guys (THEIR LOSS!!! *SOB*), etc) will not even think about dating you. It's NOT because she thinks you're ugly. It's just that you're like unicorns, UFOs, and basic arithmetic to her..you and her together just does NOT MAKE SENSE.
2) Even tho there are two kind of impossibles, hot and cute, in truth all of these impossible girls have a ton of both attributes. It's just that one is a little higher on your eyes than the other. And when I say that one is higher, I mean like the difference between getting kicked in the balls on a Monday and getting kicked in the balls on a Tuesday.

Running into an impossible that you know is the worst. Makes you wonder if you somehow have a chance. Like maybe she's tired of dating quality guys and wants to see what else is out there. Maybe there's something good in the clearance rack, and BAM, that's where you come in! Shit, you may be 50 percent off, but you're 150 percent quality! So go for it. Damn. Pity date at McDonalds. Drive separate. Meet there. Payce.

But hey! No haters up in here. If you happen to be one of the guys who actually gets an impossible (aka half man, half amazing) then props to you! Walk proud with your head up (especially if she's taller than you). But don't let it go to your head or dare to complain, because let me put it this way, even your friends will probably beat your ass for your sass.

AANNDDD that's what you write about when you're waiting for someone in another continent to get your email and answer back.

Here's some links for your time wasting pleasure.

Some of you will think this isn't very funny, but I CANNOT get through it without laughing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmSqg_xqHGU

Look at this guy!!! And it's important to note that he did all these courses in ONE DAY with short breaks in between.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU6-42QL7NE

Day off today. Sweet.

to whoever left that comment on my last blog, I understand the confusion over this whole reiki thing, but it isn't a cure-all. You may have to do it several times before it completely heals. Had I not done it when it first happened though, I'm sure it would have been much worse that night. A few more sessions, and I was good as new (well, 90%). I can't really tell how fast or how exactly it's going to get fixed, but to say it would do it instantly is expecting a little too much I think.

BTW, i'm assuming i know who you are, so I'm not going to take much offense to the snide comment. I'd appreciate it if next time you could leave your name tho, instead of putting anonymous like a wack-ass little bitch =)