I like how they say that obesity in this country isn't the person's fault. It's genetics. Genetics. But then why are we like one of the only countries that has everyone getting all kinds of fat. Like not just fat, but "i sweat when i exist" fat. Hell, I'm fat, and I know why. I'm not gonna blame it on genetics. I'm gonna blame it on too many fucking candy bars and not getting my fat ass out and exercising when I was younger. I mean DUDE. Eating is an action. You HAVE to grab something and put it in your mouth. And the goal is to just fill up your stomach, right? I mean that's what I feel like it is. So that way, you can just eat a bowl of oatmeal and boom, you're not hungry anymore. Getting fat isn't like catching a cold!! You don't just sit around and then you might notice an arm or a leg getting kinda chunky, so you say "aw man..looks like i'm coming down with some fat...sigh". Anyways, we can't complain that this country is fat while we have all-you-can-eat buffets all over the place.

Not that I'm dissing buffets. Buffets are awesome. But only in two cases. 1) Vegas buffets (NOT counting circus circus). All I gotta say is rojo pork at Aladdin's, laser cut crab legs, prime rib, cotton candy. SO good. 2) Sweet Tomatos/Soup Plantation - healthy food, unlimited servings. Is it possible to get fat off of salads, soups, and blue jello?? I'm gonna find out!

Have you noticed how stretching feels that much better when you make a sound when you stretch? Some people do a small yelp while others do a drawn out pseduo yawn. I think a short massive scream when you stretch is the best. It feels good and it turns heads.

I want to go back to vegas. Now. So i'm gonna plan another trip. I doubt many people will want to go on this one i'm planning tho. I'm gonna try something really different this vegas trip and plan it differently. It's strictly chill/gambling. Okay, more like a poker trip. lol. I didn't get to gamble as much as I wanted to last trip, so time to make up for it.

My brother went to NYC for vacation and asked me if I wanted anything. I told him I wanted a bottle of Yuengling beer, which is only available on the east coast. He brought me back a six pack, which I'm really happy about, but now I'm scared to drink them because once they're gone, I won't be able to get anymore for a long time. And i'll cry.

k. gotta get ready for a meeting.

Immaturity..GO.

holy crap this week fucking SUCKS fat ass sweaty donkey nuts covered in vomit!

In addition to the fucking stomach flu that i started off with, I've had SO much work, and a lot of it is from people throwing shit on me last minute. I don't mind doing extra work, but try giving it to me maybe more than hours before it's due. This one guy I work with even said, "man it sucks being the non-senior person because you get all the work delegated to you". Then he gave me more work. wtf is that shit. I swear to god this fucking project is never going to fucking end. It was supposed to be done last thanksgiving, and we're nowhere near finishing it. I'll be very surprised if we're done with it by the end of 2007. Anyways, six fucking meetings today, and there might be seven. I woke up at 545 this morning to do fucking work, and I'll finally be going home at 7 fucking pm. Sweet.

Also, I haven't lost any weight. wtf is that shit. Fuck fuck fuck. Still fucking fat as ever. GODDAMMIT. Oh well just gotta keep running.

Stressed out. Trying to smash out some insecurities. Getting sick of running sideways. I think I care a too much about money and what it brings. But you have to find value somewhere in your life,right? And if you're not seeing any value in yourself, you can only find value in your actions. I think that's why I care so much about what I do and money. I really wish I could just flip a switch and have more respect for myself, but I just can't. And this ain't a pity thing either. I fucking HATE the fact that I have very little confidence. Ironic. I mean what the fuck is wrong with my brain? How is it possible that i don't believe that I count for much? Isn't that fucking stupid? It is! It's like, what the fuck am I afraid of?? Seriously, I'm getting really fucking tired of this feeling like i'm fearful or something. I'm a grown ass man, and last time I checked, nothing can hurt you when you're a grown ass man unless you let it (this doesn't count for bullets and people physically stronger than me who want to beat my ass). I swear it's times like these that I wish I was more logical and less emotional, or just comatose.

I just want to sleep.

Okay, end of that lame ass rant.
- - -
WARRIORS BABY!!! 13 long years and they're finally going to the playoffs!!! Yesterday I was so fucking happy. Seriously! I don't even care if they don't make it through the first round (although I do think they're gonna give Dallas a tough time), cuz they made it when everyone said they wouldn't. And DAMN did they work!!! Since March 9th, they went to WORK...beating teams right and left. It almost makes me think that they put themselves in that situation on purpose, cuz it seems like GS always works best under pressure...when shit gets too easy for them, they tend to fall apart. Which is why being the 8th seed underdog is perfect for their game. So bring on the playoffs! I can't WAIT.

Time to plan another vegas trip. Yes, right now.

life is constantly redefined by itself. I'm grateful and appreciative of this.

Maybe it's not a bad thing to be bothered, to have insecurities, to have certain issues. I've maybe come to the conclusion that maybe I never want to stop having these things..because in a way, it will make me strive to change, to work on becoming better. The problem with having pain in life isn't so much that you have pain.. it's when you're in pain and stagnant. When the floor beneath you heats up and you simply complain about it, you get burned. But if you move forward (and forward is the only acceptable direction in this case, not backwards or side to side), then maybe a little heat is exactly what you need.
- - -
The inability to put yourself in another's shoes is not only insulting, but disgusting as well.

k. My fever is now gone, after spending the majority of the day in bed. I called into work sick. Yesterday I had a 100.5 fever, body aches, chills, really bad stomachache, gas/bloating, etc. Which makes me believe that I have stomach flu. Or maybe food poisoning. Hard to say. Anyways, most of it is gone. I haven't eaten anything since last night, and that was two bites of dinner. I'm fucking starving, but I still can't eat anything I want. I'd better keep it to chicken soup and jello.

Tomorrow gonna have to hit the gym as usual. I didn't eat as bad in vegas, but I definitely drank a lot.

So how was vegas? Let see. If you want a full report, ask me in person. For now, i'm just going to put down the major events.

Clubbing
Tao - Tao was simply awesome. The music was good - the DJ played some FUNK yo! The bars were spread out enough...there was one bar that always had some space around it. And even though at one point it was packed to the walls, the vibe in there was always chill. Everyone was there to just have a good time. There wasn't a aggressive guys that I needed to save the girls in our group from. It was tite. Did the classic popping battle against jon, as per usual. The girls at Tao were cute, and the girls who WORKED at Tao were fuckin' AMAZING. There was a couple girls dancing in the side room who were just...WOW. And this is all without bottle service. As a bonus, we didn't have to wait very long in line. I'd say maybe 30 minutes tops. I left Tao feeling GREAT. Good dancing, good drinks, good company. Werd. Fast bartenders. Bouncers weren't dicks. Cool.

Jet - And now for the total opposite. Jet was a piece of fucking shit. Everything about the club SUCKED. The music fucking sucked - horrible house (a hybrid of crappy hard house/high NRG), horrible hip hop (nothing but booty music/dirty south crap), and the worst mashups I have ever heard. They played some really bad rock music. The club itself isn't set up very well either. Now where near as good as Tao. And the people...dear god..the PEOPLE. Can you say GHETTO? The vibe of this club was aggressive and MOTHER FUCKING GHETTO. The people were ready to start fights. The guy to girl ratio at this POS was 5-1, and so i had to save the girls in our group from many a guy trying to do the backdoor surprise. People kept shoving and pushing. And all of that trash after waiting over 1.5 hours in line. What a bunch of fucking bullshit. I'll never go back to this club. EVER. I don't care if I get free bottle service, no wait in line, everything - fuck that place. It was without a doubt the worst experience i've ever had at a club in Vegas.

Other places - While eating at a cafe at bally's on Sat night, we were in earshot of this lounge area...they had a live band that was playing ALL kinds of old school funk and hip hop. I'm going there next time I go to vegas, no doubt. I also wanna check out Light, Foundation Room (again), Tabu, Body English.

I can also safely say that I'm tired of waiting in line for hours for clubs. I'm tired of having no place to sit and just being pushed around while on the dance floor. That's why from now on, I'm not going clubbing anymore at any club in Vegas unless we get bottle service. Simple as that. Now I'm not rich, but it's just worth the money. Tao I think I was just lucky because it was a Thursday. But regardless, that's it. It's either club with bottle service, or no clubbing at all. period. If i'm going to wait in line forever, the club better be crazy good.

Food
Fix @ Bellagio - I've seldom eaten at nice restaurants, which is ironic since I love food so much, hence the gut. Anyways, here's what I ate:
-8 oz. prime rib
-mushroom medley on the side
-fried mac and cheese on the side
-green salad with pears in it
-dessert, which consisted of banana sugar donuts with chocolate/caramel dipping sauces, apple cobbler, and chocolate cake with a milkshake-like coffee.
-a good glass of wine, as recommended by Sandy
This was close to the best meal I've ever had in my life. The prime rib was nothing short of GOD DAMN. Seriously, every bite melted in my mouth. I even tried to eat the fat, but stopped after I realized what I was doing. If it had been any better, I would have had to change my boxers.

The mushroom medley and the mac and cheese was really good. You have to see the mac and cheese to believe it..it's like the m&c are a fried stick that looks like a fish stick. Even the damn salad was good, with just enough dressing, pears, and endive leaves (only baller ass salad have endive in them). The dessert. Wow. Wow. Wow. The only problem with the meal was that we ate it at 5pm, and so I was still kinda full from lunch. I still tear up when I think about the fact that we left some food uneaten.

Speaking of lunch on Friday, we got hooked up by Sandy's mom, who offered to cook for us. She made a bunch of stuff, including a shitload of egg rolls, and a BIG ass pot of sweet/sour soup. HELLA good. Really nice house too.

Okay, so the IP special is over. No more 4.95 prime rib sandwiches. But i've found a place that will replace it. While the prices are nowhere near as great, the food was awesome, especially the damn fries. The Sidewalk Cafe at Bally's. I'm seriously starting to think that when I go to Vegas, I should follow Mel's example and stay at Bally's. Which leads me to...

Hotel
Harrah's - Harrah's was cool. Not as good as Aladdin's, which is now gone btw. But it was much better than IP, Tropicana's, and Excalibur.

All in all, the trip was aight-good. A good break away from the craziness of work, and that is always a very good thing.

I try my best to respect others and their beliefs. To do otherwise would be to make me as bad as an extremist. In a speech I saw a few days ago, I heard a well known astrophysicist say that it's important to show compassion and understanding of the other side's point of view, because otherwise, they simply will not hear you. Too true. And man, I really try to do that.

But there are a few things that make me mad. Not just mad, but disgusted and mad. It makes me amazed that people are capable of such things, and it makes me feel personally persecuted and assaulted. It is the biggest form of disrespect to me, and I have a very hard time not taking it personally.

One of them is the interment of Japanese Americans during WWII. I know a lot of my friends who are japanese do not feel as strongly about this issue as I do. But my family was put in the camps. Time was taken away from them. I've had people tell my family that it was good for them, for their own safety. That is amazing ignorance. We were citizens of the United States, thrown into camps because of the color of our skins and our ethnicity. There is NO good reason why innocent people were forced to live behind barbed wire.

I recently heard that the US Census Bureau were reponsible for turning over the ID of those who were Japanese American. This was perfectly legal due to the powers of war act, but I still don't believe it's right. I think I personally will boycott doing any kind of census reponse due to their part in the internment of innocent US citizen for no other reason than confused fear and pointless racism.

The second thing makes me even more mad, because some people believe that it is okay to do. It is the stomping of my personal beliefs, mainly my religion. A few years ago, I learned of the existence of some Christian groups who's sole purpose was to convert Buddhists (yes, Buddhists SPECIFICALLY). More and more of these groups seem to be popping up.

http://suntimes.com/news/metro/325856,CST-NWS-lama04.article

(I will say that these groups are of the extreme..and do not represent all christians and catholics)

But then I saw this. God, I hate putting this fucking link on my blog, but I have to for the sake of this particular blog.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0016/0016_01.asp

All I have to say is. Where the FUCK do you come off targeting my religion and my faith? Simply because it's different than yours? WHERE DO YOU COME OFF TELLING ME THAT MY BELIEFS ARE WRONG. This comic is incredibly disrespectful, not to mention WRONG. I certainly enjoyed that they were on their way to see someone "FAR more important". That buddhists are represented as being rich, ignorant, idol worshippers. It's really fucking incredible at how blatant audacious this comic is.

Everyone in this country has the right to believe what they want (1st Amendment), and like Bob Ross (Joy of Painting) said, "If it don't hurt nobody, go head and do it". But seriously, what is the malfunction here? I'm pretty sure all religions can coexist peacefully. But apprently some Christians don't think so.

This isn't like some one saying "There is only one true god: mine". No, it SPECIFICIALLY says that Buddha is an IDOL. Can anyone tell me why Christians feel so threatened by Buddhism?? can you tell me why you can't simply respect other's beliefs??? I myself have been confronted by many Christians/Catholics who haved questioned my beliefs and tried to "save me". Several times I've explained, "No thank you, I have my own beliefs" only to be met with more and more mental pushing.

Earlier, I was super pissed. Now I'm more confused. This isn't a game. Organized religion isn't a GAME. This isn't about whoever has the most people at their church wins. I don't get what people gain by having more and more people come to their church, besides more money. And don't tell me heaven and hell. For you to tell me that your beliefs are correct, or for I to tell you that mine are correct, would require us to come up with kind of evidence. And neither of us will have any. Get it?

To those that actually believe in that comic's bullshit content, maybe before you go off and try and skewer another religion, maybe you should do your fucking homework and try and understand it. Buddha wasn't an IDOL, he was a human being and in fact, a teacher. Let me say that again since you probably have a small brain. A...TEACHER. Maybe you should take the time to understand something before you bad mouth it. Seriously, the thoughts presented in that comic are borderline facist.

And don't try and turn it around on me. I've neve been anything but buddhist, but I went to a catholic high school, I've read the bible front to back, I took four years of classes on catholicism and christianity. I took to it with an open mind, and I think that understanding other religions, including Judaism, Hinduism, Shinto, etc. are interesting. I happen to think that the bible is a good book, and has excellent lessons in it. I think that Jesus Christ was a great man, who did great things. I am not catholic or christian, but I see the good in the main teachings of Jesus Christ, because Jesus Christ, like Buddha, was a great TEACHER. You see the similarity?

I think so many people get so caught up in their faith that they fail to realize that it isn't really faith anymore. No kind of faith would translate into you think that your religion is better. No kind of faith would translate into you criticizing another belief system.

Let me make this absolutely clear: I DO NOT THINK THAT BUDDHISM IS BETTER THAN CATHOLICISM AND CHRISTIANITY, OR ANY OTHER RELIGION. Religion is a PERSONAL choice for everyone; for me, Buddhism has helped me understand myself and appreciate life, and thus is my choice. But at the base of ALL religions the generally same message is presented: RESPECT AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER. I guess that message is lost in the messages of "EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG"

Reiki says "Just for today, do not anger". Buddha says "Let go of anger, let go of pride, when you are bound by nothing, you go beyond sorrow". The Bible says "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook a transgression (Proverbs 19:11)". Elizabeth Kenny says "He who angers you conquers you". And I know all this, and I try...man, do I try. But when I get targeted so personally by the majority group of this country, and can only react in anger for their actions, and sadness, for that is the extent of their character.

I cannot put into words how angry and disappointed I am. I realize that the people who created the comic and the people who are in these groups are only representing a small part of the majority of Catholics/Christians. It should go without saying that I know many people who have enough common sense to respect everyone's beliefs and not impose theirs upon everyone. But I will say, paraphrasing a good friend of mine, that I do not see any groups condemning the behavior that upset me.

And finally, if you read this blog and you're angry at me for what i've written, it's probably because you agree with the material that pissed me off. And if that's the case, I strongly suggest that you keep your objections to yourself. You may think I'm requesting that because my opinions simply differ from yours, but in this case, that is not how it is. You are simply wrong. Because disrespect for another for no good reason is NEVER correct. Sorry.

Strange how each year that goes by, I do not feel more of a void, but more happiness, more appreciation, that I had the opportunity to know you. I think it just shows how great of a person that you were; that even though you're physically gone, you continue to help me learn and appreciate life.

Kenneth Tsang
11/10/80-3/28/04

"This is so fun! This is so fun! This is so fun!"

random things:

-I just watched the halle berry emmy award speech from a few years ago (2002) cuz it was on someone's myspace. Damn. Crazy crying. Like sounds like someone just gone and died or something. And the rest of the speech is peppered with sobs like she's a little kid who's trying to talk right after someone told them that no they can't have ice cream or that toy. I mean, she's a great actress but everyone says how that speech is so crazy emotional and awesome. But I think it's the content of the words that's more important. I mean, shit if all it takes for a speech to be emotional is to cry, I'll just kick myself in the balls or rip out some pubes before I start talking and i'll be all Niagara Falls up in this bitch.

-What if you got fatter AS you ate. I find it interested when people are like damn i'm so full, but it doesn't look like they're full. It just looks that way because you're leaning back and you have your hands on your stomach. Now, what would be cooler is if people got physically more fat while they ate. It would be a good way to curb that overeating. It's like a person can start off thin, but as they eat more and more, the stomach gets larger, more chins start to form, etc. Then you could see who the real pigs are at the table. But then, if this were to happen, then the opposite would have to happen when you took a dump. Like you're sitting on the toilet all fat, and then you drop the deuce and then in like 2 seconds you literally deflate back to your normal size. Damn. That would be AWESOME for humor's sake. Imagine a hella fat guy running into a bathroom, yelling "oh my goodness. oh my goodness". Then you hear this "aaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....." and then he comes out a few minutes later, all thin and shit. Two words for that: Awe and some.