Last Saturday, I went to a memorial service for my dad's cousin, James, who had passed away a few weeks before. James wasn't that old, probably a little older than my dad, and I had only met him once before.

The service was at my temple, and there were only about 20 people there. For the eulogy, James' brother in law asked people in the audience to talk, because it was the best way for all of us to understand what kind of person he was. I found out that James had chosen to not get married so that he could take care of his parents, who had had a hard life in order to support their children. A few of his coworkers talked about how open-minded yet strongly opinionated he was. Mr. Dobashi, who had owned a near by Japanese supermarket stood up and talked about what a great friend James had been to him. He talked about how James would stop by and joke around. He had been friends with James since high school. He paused, and ended it with "James was a good friend... I'll miss him". He sat down and wiped the tears away from his eyes. And even though I had only met him once, my eyes filled up with tears as I sat there, hearing these stories and the sadness on the faces of his family and friends. Rev. Sakamoto reminded us that we cannot concentrate on the loss of James, but rather the impact he had on all of our lives. Death ends a life, not a relationship.

Later on, I was talking to my aunt about my grandfather. To this day, and probably for the rest of my life, it has pained me that I never got the chance in my recent years to speak to him about life. My grandfather had a view on life that goes beyond words. He appreciated and cherished everything in life. He was at peace with everything: with the world around him, with his life, with himself. He spent his entire life trying to learn as much as he could; my aunt told me that he had this undying urge to learn, learn, learn. He was skilled in pottery, basketry, painting, writing, calligraphy, crossstitch, woodcarving, and so much more. He was a Buddhist minister. He read hundreds upon hundreds of books. He was open to everything that life had to offer him, and he truly appreciated everything.

When he passed away, it really hurt me, but since I hadn't seen him in so long, I didn't want to think about it. His funeral was in Hawaii, and it was videotaped. My dad said I should watch it, but up until this point, I wasn't able to watch it. I remember lashing out at my dad and my brother when they told me to watch it. I just wasn't ready. Finally, I think I can.

My aunt also pointed out to me how compassionate my father was with my grandparents, especially near the end of their lives. It was almost as if he knew when they needed something, and he would do it without hesitation. And even though I already knew that about my dad, it's amazing when you hear it from someone else. Maybe I was emotionally softened up, but when I heard all of that my eyes began to tear up again.

I can see the same kind of appreciate of life in my dad that my grandfather had. I never realized all the things my dad is skilled in, and though we dont have heart to heart talks, he shows how much he cares for me and my brother in his actions and the lessons he tries to teach us.

I hope that someday I can be the kind of person James was, moreso the kind of person my grandfather was, and most of all, the kind of person my father is. If I can do that, I'll know that I've done something right in my life.