Last night I had two dreams that I can remember.

1) I was playing super nintendo at my house, and I had noticed that my one of my favorite games had added 20 new characters (random). Apparently there was also a bbq at my house and my brother had invited all of his friends, including some I had never met before. In the crowd, there was this guy who I was acquaintances with in college. He said, "hey steve remember me? It's Jamal something." and I said, "You mean Eric (asian last name)? Come on man...Jamal is a black name!" and everyone laughed. Anyways, the important part of the dream. They had decided to have a sequel to the Friends sitcom, and Jon and I had been picked to be in the show. This meant I was now making a much larger salary and the only thought I had was..omfg, I can QUIT MY FUCKING JOB!!!!

You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up and realized that I would not be starring in a few show this fall.

2) I dreamt about her again. We went on a date. We talked about what we had been up to for the past few years. We ate and drank and joked around. It was seriously like a real date except in dream form. WTF

You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up and realized that I'm still me. Anyways, this means two things: One, I'm fucking looney and I need to GO OUTSIDE and two, the regret has saturated my brain and will not let me forget it. Regret is a bitch. I gotta admit though - it's kinda fun in a bittersweet way. I mean, it's fun to see how my brain can create such a detailed reality.

BTW, in an attempt to stop being so damn cryptic, I should explain who i mean by "her". I realize that this should probably go in the other blog, but since I mentioned it, I gotta explain.

"Her" is this girl who had a thing for me in college. The problem was I had just gotten burned by another girl that I had been "chasing" for about a year - I say "chasing" because "nice guy"chicken shit methods are HARDLY "chasing". and the girl had shot me down after I had "done so much" (give me a fucking break). Anyways, I was jaded, so I thought that if I tried too hard with this girl I would fuck it up. Plus, I had never had a girl go after me before, so I wasn't sure how to react. Long story short, by not trying hard enough, I ended up fucking it up anyways. She told me one day that she no longer liked me and just laid it on me on just exactly how I had fucked up.

I learned a few things that day:
1) Not doing is just as bad, if not as bad, as doing.
2) Don't doubt when a girl likes you.
3) I was a fucking idiot and a fucking loser. No seriously. If I could go back in time and kick my own fucking ass, I'd do it faster than you could say "1.21 jiggawatts".
4) One of the worst things you can hear from a girl: "One day you'll find a great girl. But it's not going to be me".
5) Regret is eternal. Of the two instances of regret that routinely burn my brain, this situation with this girl holds the world record and it won't be beat for a while. And let me grind it in a little deeper: This girl likes playing video games, going clubbing, dancing. She's was cute back in college but has become even cuter since. What is wrong with me????