http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5015557
i like this story.
You may think i like it because he's not talking about my religion, but the god of the majority of religions of this country.
Well, that would be wrong.
No, i do not like this story because he's not talking about a set of beliefs that are not mine, because to be honest, you could substitute the word "god" in his essay with any other deity, god, or goddess.
When i first started reading this essay, I thought it would be just another story about how having a set of religious beliefs blinds you to the perspectives of others.
I was mistaken.
I especially like the line in which he talks about how if there is no higher being or power, then we are left with ourselves. Left with the only option of relying on one another and seeign the reality of the situation. Knowing we are the only ones in charge of our lives leaves us with a stronger responsbility for ourselves and each other.
I do not see this essay as a challenge against any major beliefs, but a reiteration of a problem that plagues our world, especially today with all that is going wrong. The wars, the famine, people not getting enough to eat, children not being educated, millions of people dying of disease. We simply are not looking to take responsibility, but to place blame or wait for a miracle to happen.
It's bout time the adults of this world started acting their age.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
i read JEN's post about embarassing moments
I'm at work, so i'll just write them down real quick, and then expand them when i get home. EDIT: k time to expand~!
Embarassing moments
*happened when i was a kid
-walking into steel post [medium]*
So I was touring the san jose police station with my cub scout den, and we were walking through the hall way. Well, halfway through the hallway they have a set of double doors. Why, i dunno Anyways, there was a metal post inbetween the two doors. I was walking and i was talking over my shoulder, and then i turned just in time to connect the side of my face with pure metal. It was tite. Everyone laughed. I did not.
-ripping shorts at grandma's house[medium high]*
I already mentioned this one before. I slide down the metal banister. My shorts decided they wanted keep on sliding, but I didn't. Rip. Everyone laughed. I did not.
-throwing up in front of class, then being ushered by substitute teacher through the damn library. dumb bitch. [medium]*
So it was like third grade or something like that, I get sick in class. The sub grabs me and takes me to the nurses office, but for some reason decides to TAKE ME THROUGH THE LIBRARY. WTF. I distinctly remember this kids face as i was being lead through the place, holding my hands over my mouth dripping with puke. It was a look of disgust. Stupid sub was all panicking too like she had never seen a kid puke. She was stupid. I was not.
-back cracked. farted. [medium high]
I have to explain this one in person. This one is one of the most embarassing. So my friend and his gf are chilling at my place. She cracks his back. She says you should try it, it feels good. I saw no. She says come on just try it. I'm like okay. I lay down on flooor on my stomach. She sits on my waist. I breathe out. She pushes down. I rip a FATTY ass fart. I kick her off, run to the bathroom and spray air freshner all over the place. She's in shock. My friend is laughing. I'm just shaking my head. I also get to be constantly reminded of it every time I see her (which is like once or twice) when she's drunk.
-falling off jungle gym [low. it takes a man to fall of something when he's a kid]*
I was in like third grade again. I was hanging from the top of the inside of the jungle gym. I fall. I land on my stomach. Wind gets knocked out of me. All i remember is going "uuuuuhhhhhhhh" and not being able to stop. It was kinda weird, kinda cool, and all uncomfortable.
-getting smashed to draw a foul in basketball and ended up crying. sad shit. [medium high]*
So i thought i'd try and draw a foul in basketball. So i jump for a ball and I endup getting crushed. Now here's the weird part. It didnt' hurt enough to cry, but somehow I MADE myself. Whistle blown. People stare. Players stare. Everyone wonders why i'm such a puss. I still wonder how i made myself cry like a little bitch that day.
-girl asked me to slow dance. girl asks me to go chill with her after and drink. I chicken out and dont show up. sad shit!!!* [not so embarassing...more like sad]
Okay this story SUCKS. So when i was a teenager, i would go to these basketbal, volleyball tourneys with YBA. Every single one of these events had a dance to go with it. Some of these events were held at hotels. So I'm at this dance, pulling the whole wallflower thing (u remember right? I was a non dancer in high school which would eventually lead to my obsession with it later on)., and this girl asked me to dance. yes, A GIRL asked ME to DANCE. Slow dance. Wow. Wow!! my first slow dance! Crazy! While were dancing she says to me "what's your name", "where you from", etc. Then she says "do you drink?". Not wanting to look uncool, I say "no not lately" (You also should remember that until I got to college i thought it was WRONG to drink if you were not 21....then i went to college and fixed that STUPID WAY OF THINKING). She says "you shoudl come up to my room laters...we have some stuff and we're gonna drink". I say "uh ..okay". She tells me room number, i say "okay". OF course, i decide to not go up there, and i instead hang out with friends. LAter on she sees me in hallway and says "hey! i thought you were gonna come up!" and i stammer.."uh...nah something came up". That concludes my loser ass story. K, NOW i'm crying. lol
-throw up in parking lot right after i got out of club. In front of girlfriend and other friends. Earned nickname "sophomore" [medium]
PBBG. I get there late. I decide to play catch up. I order three pints. I chug them one after another. I go dance. I drink some more. I go outside and throw up immediately. In front of my gf at the time, and in front of some other people. They then call me Sophomore for a long time. Sucks. But at least i was drinking.
-got caught eating in bathroom [low]
One time i was eating an apple in he shower and someone caught me cuz i left the core in there. damn.
There are also FOUR SUPER HIGH...THREE that i will never tell anyone. One person alive knows two of them. Whenever i think of these I shake my head, and then laugh cuz it's that damn ridiculous.
-These will never be revealed.
I'm at work, so i'll just write them down real quick, and then expand them when i get home. EDIT: k time to expand~!
Embarassing moments
*happened when i was a kid
-walking into steel post [medium]*
So I was touring the san jose police station with my cub scout den, and we were walking through the hall way. Well, halfway through the hallway they have a set of double doors. Why, i dunno Anyways, there was a metal post inbetween the two doors. I was walking and i was talking over my shoulder, and then i turned just in time to connect the side of my face with pure metal. It was tite. Everyone laughed. I did not.
-ripping shorts at grandma's house[medium high]*
I already mentioned this one before. I slide down the metal banister. My shorts decided they wanted keep on sliding, but I didn't. Rip. Everyone laughed. I did not.
-throwing up in front of class, then being ushered by substitute teacher through the damn library. dumb bitch. [medium]*
So it was like third grade or something like that, I get sick in class. The sub grabs me and takes me to the nurses office, but for some reason decides to TAKE ME THROUGH THE LIBRARY. WTF. I distinctly remember this kids face as i was being lead through the place, holding my hands over my mouth dripping with puke. It was a look of disgust. Stupid sub was all panicking too like she had never seen a kid puke. She was stupid. I was not.
-back cracked. farted. [medium high]
I have to explain this one in person. This one is one of the most embarassing. So my friend and his gf are chilling at my place. She cracks his back. She says you should try it, it feels good. I saw no. She says come on just try it. I'm like okay. I lay down on flooor on my stomach. She sits on my waist. I breathe out. She pushes down. I rip a FATTY ass fart. I kick her off, run to the bathroom and spray air freshner all over the place. She's in shock. My friend is laughing. I'm just shaking my head. I also get to be constantly reminded of it every time I see her (which is like once or twice) when she's drunk.
-falling off jungle gym [low. it takes a man to fall of something when he's a kid]*
I was in like third grade again. I was hanging from the top of the inside of the jungle gym. I fall. I land on my stomach. Wind gets knocked out of me. All i remember is going "uuuuuhhhhhhhh" and not being able to stop. It was kinda weird, kinda cool, and all uncomfortable.
-getting smashed to draw a foul in basketball and ended up crying. sad shit. [medium high]*
So i thought i'd try and draw a foul in basketball. So i jump for a ball and I endup getting crushed. Now here's the weird part. It didnt' hurt enough to cry, but somehow I MADE myself. Whistle blown. People stare. Players stare. Everyone wonders why i'm such a puss. I still wonder how i made myself cry like a little bitch that day.
-girl asked me to slow dance. girl asks me to go chill with her after and drink. I chicken out and dont show up. sad shit!!!* [not so embarassing...more like sad]
Okay this story SUCKS. So when i was a teenager, i would go to these basketbal, volleyball tourneys with YBA. Every single one of these events had a dance to go with it. Some of these events were held at hotels. So I'm at this dance, pulling the whole wallflower thing (u remember right? I was a non dancer in high school which would eventually lead to my obsession with it later on)., and this girl asked me to dance. yes, A GIRL asked ME to DANCE. Slow dance. Wow. Wow!! my first slow dance! Crazy! While were dancing she says to me "what's your name", "where you from", etc. Then she says "do you drink?". Not wanting to look uncool, I say "no not lately" (You also should remember that until I got to college i thought it was WRONG to drink if you were not 21....then i went to college and fixed that STUPID WAY OF THINKING). She says "you shoudl come up to my room laters...we have some stuff and we're gonna drink". I say "uh ..okay". She tells me room number, i say "okay". OF course, i decide to not go up there, and i instead hang out with friends. LAter on she sees me in hallway and says "hey! i thought you were gonna come up!" and i stammer.."uh...nah something came up". That concludes my loser ass story. K, NOW i'm crying. lol
-throw up in parking lot right after i got out of club. In front of girlfriend and other friends. Earned nickname "sophomore" [medium]
PBBG. I get there late. I decide to play catch up. I order three pints. I chug them one after another. I go dance. I drink some more. I go outside and throw up immediately. In front of my gf at the time, and in front of some other people. They then call me Sophomore for a long time. Sucks. But at least i was drinking.
-got caught eating in bathroom [low]
One time i was eating an apple in he shower and someone caught me cuz i left the core in there. damn.
There are also FOUR SUPER HIGH...THREE that i will never tell anyone. One person alive knows two of them. Whenever i think of these I shake my head, and then laugh cuz it's that damn ridiculous.
-These will never be revealed.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
drum roll.
uh huh. You know the statement that everyone and their mommas mommas say: OMG I WAS SUCH A GEEK BACK IN JR HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL. Speak all you want on that subject, but i was king at that. Back when i was younger I dressed so geekyI could make your dad's uncle look like the dopeness.
Through the years of my life i've never been on top of the fashion thing. Yes, I like to be color coordinated when i leave the house, and i make it a rule never to leave the house without pants on, but it was only until just recently that I finally started buying clothes that fit me right. I still consider myself near the ground level of the mount everest that is fashion, a large rock which i have fallen off of many times, with horrible results. There were some things that need to be addressed and documented so that I never repeat them. Yes, NEVER repeat them. Now and then I had some loving friends who would remind me, sometimes viciously, that what i was wearing was "wack". While some of their methods LACKED TACT (LOL), at least i got the message. To the rest who didn't, thanks for looking out for my self esteem, and no thanks for letting me look like a geek.
*NOTE: some of these "mistakes" would later on NOT be. How do i know this??Because later on in life, i would see these "mistakes" first being sported by our african american brothers, and then by the majority of society who cared about looking hip and coo in their dressing methods. This can't be explained. What can i say? I'm just a trend setter like that. LOL. I guess "Geek" is in. Holla holla holla holla. LOLZ WTF B--yeah. Anyways, on the good..or rather, bad...stuff.
1) OWNING ONE PAIR OF SHOES. HIGH TOPS OR CROSS TRAINERS. WORN WITH EVERYTHING. BLACK.ALWAYS PURE BLACK.
So i'm not gonna bag on those people who only have one pair of shoes. Maybe your feets are just versatile. Maybe all your clothes are one color. But for the rest of us normal humans, this is a no no. Imagine me, a young teenager, wearing black shoes with everying. This includes tapered denim jeans, denim shorts (which by the way, is 100% NERD GEAR if worn so that it ends above the knees and are not painter's shorts), and any color pants or tshirt or jacket. This was also around the time when i had no concept of color coordination. White shoes with everything? Maybe. Black shoes with everything? NAH.
2) SHOES UNTIED*
Yes, so also, perhaps when I was entering the grunge phase that everyone went through (you remember..the flannel stage where you dress like a bum or a out-of-work lumberjack?) I began to not tie my shoes. My laces would get all beat up, so i would just tuck them in. Also, this particular pair of shoes i owned had one velcro strap, much like the nike air force 1s. This too I would let hang loose and stay velcroed on the side. I was served up some laughs for this one, but later on in life I was walking down the street and saw homeboy doing the exact same thing. He then gave me props by pointed to his air force 1s and nodding his head. Holla. Also, in reality, if you remember, Run-DMC were famous for wearing Adidas with no laces. See, in actuality, i was just trying to keep it real. Who's house? RUNs house!
3) CALCULATOR WATCH
BAM. This thing was awesome. It could store numbers, addresses, had a stop watch, calculator, shit, it even had a schedule! Too bad it didn't have some witty comebacks to give out when people gave you shit about this NERD MAGNET. There's a guy in my program that wears one. He's like 36, he's an engineer at NASA, he wears denim shorts that end above the kness, and one time in class, I noticed that he was wearing brown hiking boots with one green sock and one purple sock (we will ignore the question of why a man has purple socks). Enough said, but lets go on. So i rocked this thing in jr. high to high school. This this SCREAMED "NERD!". my god. The only saving grace it has is it "helped" me in history class by "helping" me remember all of the us presidents and the years of their terms. That and if i had it today i'd totally rock it cuz it's all kind of retro. Eh...maybe not.
4) NERD GLASSES.
Yo, i wish you could see these things. It was large, steel, and in charge. It had TWO bars going between lenses. TWO. The fucking lenses were so long that it went down half my face! I guess my eyedoctor figured that my fucking CHEEKS had to see too! In addition to that, the doc suggested that they have a rose tint to the lenses for some reason. Lets not forget to mention that the fucking lenses were so damn thick that when i looked up at the sun my eye lashes caught on fire. Ugh. These days i get my glasses frame smaller. However, I do wanna get the black rimmed, thick glasses from way back when, like the kind my dad is wearing in my parents wedding picture. The nerd ass glasses i had when i was a teen tho? Bad move.
5) SOCKS PULLED UP.
Oh boy. Socks. Now i'm not one to wear shorts all the time, but when i do, i have to wear ankle socks, or pull my socks down. I didn't used to roll that way. I used to wear long socks and pull those motherfuckers up when i was wearing shorts. Ugh. Looked like i was ready to go on a boy scout hike. This is less of a fashion mistake, because long socks aren't so bad. Some people can pull off this look, like 40 year olds. haha. Jk.
6) PANTS TUCKED INTO SHOES*
So like i said, I would wear tapered jeans. So what happens if you wear tapered jeans with black hightops? What happens is it looks like your damn jeans are tucked into your shoes. It looked like I had put rubber bands around the bottom of the leg part of my jeans and then stuffed them into my shoes. Ugh. Of course, later on in life, i would see that same homeboy walking down the street towards me with what looked like baggy jeans worn in a way so that it looked like it was tucked into his shoes. Holla back.
7) POUNDS OF GEL IN HAIR - PARTED ON THE SIDE
Years after the bowl cut mentality was out, following my brother's lead, i decided to look into combing (styling) my hair. This would involve putting gel in the hair, and combing. However, i made a horrible mistake. PARTING MY HAIR ON THE SIDE (the middle asian part would be done later, in my years of metamorphasis). Anyways, so my routine at the beginning of everyday would be the same thing. GLOBS of gel put into my hair. Part on the left. Comb the smaller side backwards, comb the larger part backwards, then push the larger part fowards. This would create a concrete slab made of hair on my head. I could break bricks on this ridge. Seriously...if you head butt me, you would be seriously hurt...at the best, you would be dead from head trauma...at the worst, you would be dead from head trauma. Seroiusly, we would go through industrial, economy sized bottles of LA Looks Gel Cement Level. My freshman year at UCSD, i suddenly got the urge to cut my hair short (THANK GOODNESS) and i've never looked back since.
8) BACKPACKIN' IT
So back in the day, I would wear a backpack. To school and not to school. In other words, i would wear that damn thing ALL THE TIME. Going here, going there...ALWAYS BACKPACK. What did i have in there? Gum. Binders. Water. My dayrunner that served no purpose except to keep prom pictures, and senior portraits of friends. But yeah, no matter where i went, no matter what i was wearing, it was Jansport in the house 247365. It was sad! I felt like i was naked unless i had my backpack with me. WHY? Ugh. Good thing I dont do that shit anymore. And these days, when i see high schoolers running around wearing backpacks, i cry them a river cuz that's some sad shit.
8) THAT FUCKING RING
Aight..getting to the more recent ones....Oh dammit. It was the year of my senior year. I was walking down library walk with Po. It's the vendor fair. Nice. I see the guy who sells rings and shit. Sweet. Rings are on sale. Po says he wants one. And we buy two, we can each get one! Yeah! So i gets one. One big steel looking silver ring. Soon i start wearing it here, and there. I wear it casually, going to class, going to aphio stuff, going to stuff where i have to dress up. Sometimes on my index, sometimes on my thumb, sometimes on my middle finger, BUT ALWAYS LOOKING DUMB. That damn ring is DUMB as shit looking. It just doesn't look right on me. I dunno why it took me so long to realize that! There is this one picture in particular. I'm wearing a light blue shirt that's ugly cuz it's from some no name brad. A darker blue tie that sucks (i need new ties). AND THAT DAMN RING. That shit looked like the ring from fucking LOTR, except it aint for sure no fucking precious, so i'm about to throw that damn thing in to Mt. Doom. (60+ nerd points for making a fully complete LOTR reference and corny LOTFR joke [the F stands for "fucking"]. Anyways, the only thing that ring was good for was for opening up beer bottles. Other than that, I might as well have toss that shit in the trash a long time ago.
9) DOG TAGS -- PREPPY GI JOE STYLE
So earlier last year, I saw some celebrity..it was samual l. jackson i believe, wearing some Gucci brand dog tags. Silver. Shiny. OOh. I thought it was cool as shit. So i looked into buying some. How could i would look! I thought. Damn, that looks like the dopeness! I thought. Then LUCKILY, I asked around. You'd look stupid! They said. Are you some kind of desinger army? Then no! They said. Looks dumb. They said. But Samual l. jackon can wear it! I said. He's cool, and he's black. You are neither. They said. Oh I said. Case closed. Seriously tho, it's a good thing i didn't get them. I dont have the steez to pull that off, and even if i did, I'd get some bling blang. None of that conflict diamonds tho. "Is they, jacob? Dont lie to me man!"
OTHER THINGS THAT I TRIED AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE THAT AREN'T REALLY THAT BAD BUT I'LL JUST PUT DOWN ANYWAYS
-cologne every day to every occassion
-doing the "half-wearing" something thing
-the "everything has to be ecko" stage
-I actually owned a FUBU hat.
uh huh. You know the statement that everyone and their mommas mommas say: OMG I WAS SUCH A GEEK BACK IN JR HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL. Speak all you want on that subject, but i was king at that. Back when i was younger I dressed so geekyI could make your dad's uncle look like the dopeness.
Through the years of my life i've never been on top of the fashion thing. Yes, I like to be color coordinated when i leave the house, and i make it a rule never to leave the house without pants on, but it was only until just recently that I finally started buying clothes that fit me right. I still consider myself near the ground level of the mount everest that is fashion, a large rock which i have fallen off of many times, with horrible results. There were some things that need to be addressed and documented so that I never repeat them. Yes, NEVER repeat them. Now and then I had some loving friends who would remind me, sometimes viciously, that what i was wearing was "wack". While some of their methods LACKED TACT (LOL), at least i got the message. To the rest who didn't, thanks for looking out for my self esteem, and no thanks for letting me look like a geek.
*NOTE: some of these "mistakes" would later on NOT be. How do i know this??Because later on in life, i would see these "mistakes" first being sported by our african american brothers, and then by the majority of society who cared about looking hip and coo in their dressing methods. This can't be explained. What can i say? I'm just a trend setter like that. LOL. I guess "Geek" is in. Holla holla holla holla. LOLZ WTF B--yeah. Anyways, on the good..or rather, bad...stuff.
1) OWNING ONE PAIR OF SHOES. HIGH TOPS OR CROSS TRAINERS. WORN WITH EVERYTHING. BLACK.ALWAYS PURE BLACK.
So i'm not gonna bag on those people who only have one pair of shoes. Maybe your feets are just versatile. Maybe all your clothes are one color. But for the rest of us normal humans, this is a no no. Imagine me, a young teenager, wearing black shoes with everying. This includes tapered denim jeans, denim shorts (which by the way, is 100% NERD GEAR if worn so that it ends above the knees and are not painter's shorts), and any color pants or tshirt or jacket. This was also around the time when i had no concept of color coordination. White shoes with everything? Maybe. Black shoes with everything? NAH.
2) SHOES UNTIED*
Yes, so also, perhaps when I was entering the grunge phase that everyone went through (you remember..the flannel stage where you dress like a bum or a out-of-work lumberjack?) I began to not tie my shoes. My laces would get all beat up, so i would just tuck them in. Also, this particular pair of shoes i owned had one velcro strap, much like the nike air force 1s. This too I would let hang loose and stay velcroed on the side. I was served up some laughs for this one, but later on in life I was walking down the street and saw homeboy doing the exact same thing. He then gave me props by pointed to his air force 1s and nodding his head. Holla. Also, in reality, if you remember, Run-DMC were famous for wearing Adidas with no laces. See, in actuality, i was just trying to keep it real. Who's house? RUNs house!
3) CALCULATOR WATCH
BAM. This thing was awesome. It could store numbers, addresses, had a stop watch, calculator, shit, it even had a schedule! Too bad it didn't have some witty comebacks to give out when people gave you shit about this NERD MAGNET. There's a guy in my program that wears one. He's like 36, he's an engineer at NASA, he wears denim shorts that end above the kness, and one time in class, I noticed that he was wearing brown hiking boots with one green sock and one purple sock (we will ignore the question of why a man has purple socks). Enough said, but lets go on. So i rocked this thing in jr. high to high school. This this SCREAMED "NERD!". my god. The only saving grace it has is it "helped" me in history class by "helping" me remember all of the us presidents and the years of their terms. That and if i had it today i'd totally rock it cuz it's all kind of retro. Eh...maybe not.
4) NERD GLASSES.
Yo, i wish you could see these things. It was large, steel, and in charge. It had TWO bars going between lenses. TWO. The fucking lenses were so long that it went down half my face! I guess my eyedoctor figured that my fucking CHEEKS had to see too! In addition to that, the doc suggested that they have a rose tint to the lenses for some reason. Lets not forget to mention that the fucking lenses were so damn thick that when i looked up at the sun my eye lashes caught on fire. Ugh. These days i get my glasses frame smaller. However, I do wanna get the black rimmed, thick glasses from way back when, like the kind my dad is wearing in my parents wedding picture. The nerd ass glasses i had when i was a teen tho? Bad move.
5) SOCKS PULLED UP.
Oh boy. Socks. Now i'm not one to wear shorts all the time, but when i do, i have to wear ankle socks, or pull my socks down. I didn't used to roll that way. I used to wear long socks and pull those motherfuckers up when i was wearing shorts. Ugh. Looked like i was ready to go on a boy scout hike. This is less of a fashion mistake, because long socks aren't so bad. Some people can pull off this look, like 40 year olds. haha. Jk.
6) PANTS TUCKED INTO SHOES*
So like i said, I would wear tapered jeans. So what happens if you wear tapered jeans with black hightops? What happens is it looks like your damn jeans are tucked into your shoes. It looked like I had put rubber bands around the bottom of the leg part of my jeans and then stuffed them into my shoes. Ugh. Of course, later on in life, i would see that same homeboy walking down the street towards me with what looked like baggy jeans worn in a way so that it looked like it was tucked into his shoes. Holla back.
7) POUNDS OF GEL IN HAIR - PARTED ON THE SIDE
Years after the bowl cut mentality was out, following my brother's lead, i decided to look into combing (styling) my hair. This would involve putting gel in the hair, and combing. However, i made a horrible mistake. PARTING MY HAIR ON THE SIDE (the middle asian part would be done later, in my years of metamorphasis). Anyways, so my routine at the beginning of everyday would be the same thing. GLOBS of gel put into my hair. Part on the left. Comb the smaller side backwards, comb the larger part backwards, then push the larger part fowards. This would create a concrete slab made of hair on my head. I could break bricks on this ridge. Seriously...if you head butt me, you would be seriously hurt...at the best, you would be dead from head trauma...at the worst, you would be dead from head trauma. Seroiusly, we would go through industrial, economy sized bottles of LA Looks Gel Cement Level. My freshman year at UCSD, i suddenly got the urge to cut my hair short (THANK GOODNESS) and i've never looked back since.
8) BACKPACKIN' IT
So back in the day, I would wear a backpack. To school and not to school. In other words, i would wear that damn thing ALL THE TIME. Going here, going there...ALWAYS BACKPACK. What did i have in there? Gum. Binders. Water. My dayrunner that served no purpose except to keep prom pictures, and senior portraits of friends. But yeah, no matter where i went, no matter what i was wearing, it was Jansport in the house 247365. It was sad! I felt like i was naked unless i had my backpack with me. WHY? Ugh. Good thing I dont do that shit anymore. And these days, when i see high schoolers running around wearing backpacks, i cry them a river cuz that's some sad shit.
8) THAT FUCKING RING
Aight..getting to the more recent ones....Oh dammit. It was the year of my senior year. I was walking down library walk with Po. It's the vendor fair. Nice. I see the guy who sells rings and shit. Sweet. Rings are on sale. Po says he wants one. And we buy two, we can each get one! Yeah! So i gets one. One big steel looking silver ring. Soon i start wearing it here, and there. I wear it casually, going to class, going to aphio stuff, going to stuff where i have to dress up. Sometimes on my index, sometimes on my thumb, sometimes on my middle finger, BUT ALWAYS LOOKING DUMB. That damn ring is DUMB as shit looking. It just doesn't look right on me. I dunno why it took me so long to realize that! There is this one picture in particular. I'm wearing a light blue shirt that's ugly cuz it's from some no name brad. A darker blue tie that sucks (i need new ties). AND THAT DAMN RING. That shit looked like the ring from fucking LOTR, except it aint for sure no fucking precious, so i'm about to throw that damn thing in to Mt. Doom. (60+ nerd points for making a fully complete LOTR reference and corny LOTFR joke [the F stands for "fucking"]. Anyways, the only thing that ring was good for was for opening up beer bottles. Other than that, I might as well have toss that shit in the trash a long time ago.
9) DOG TAGS -- PREPPY GI JOE STYLE
So earlier last year, I saw some celebrity..it was samual l. jackson i believe, wearing some Gucci brand dog tags. Silver. Shiny. OOh. I thought it was cool as shit. So i looked into buying some. How could i would look! I thought. Damn, that looks like the dopeness! I thought. Then LUCKILY, I asked around. You'd look stupid! They said. Are you some kind of desinger army? Then no! They said. Looks dumb. They said. But Samual l. jackon can wear it! I said. He's cool, and he's black. You are neither. They said. Oh I said. Case closed. Seriously tho, it's a good thing i didn't get them. I dont have the steez to pull that off, and even if i did, I'd get some bling blang. None of that conflict diamonds tho. "Is they, jacob? Dont lie to me man!"
OTHER THINGS THAT I TRIED AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE THAT AREN'T REALLY THAT BAD BUT I'LL JUST PUT DOWN ANYWAYS
-cologne every day to every occassion
-doing the "half-wearing" something thing
-the "everything has to be ecko" stage
-I actually owned a FUBU hat.
Fort Minor - "Kenji"
Awesome fucking song...gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you Mike Shinoda.
Awesome fucking song...gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you Mike Shinoda.
May it serve as a constant reminder of our past so that Americans in the future will
never again be denied their constitutional rights and may the remembrance of that
experience serve to advance the evolution of the human spirit.
Monday, November 21, 2005
nothing to look forward to. Nothing to pique my interest. Oh would it be that I have nothing to stimulate my brain. Trying to figure it out. Hm.
Have you seen that movie Cast Away? Tom Hanks. Gets stranded on the deserted island. And eventually finds, or rather, creates, the company of a volleyball. He names the volleyball Wilson after giving it a face, carved out of a smudge of the imprint of his bloody hand.
What does wilson represent? What I thought was that Wilson was just a companion..something to break the silence of being alone...to keep Tom Hanks' character from going crazy from having no one to talk to or live with. But then i read this article on Wilson the volleyball and how it was strange as to what Hanks yelled when Wilson was swept off the raft and into the ocean: "I'm sorry Wilson! I'm sorry!!!". And if you recall, he was shattered..sobbing and crying. I mean shit, the character development of Wilson, along with Hanks' character crying his ass off was enough to make me look up and tell people in the room that I had something in my eye.
anyways. what did wilson represent? The article suggests that wilson wasn't important to hanks because it was someone for him to talk to or it was something that hanks felt was paying attentino to him. Instead, wilson was important to hanks as someone who relies on him, and who at the very bottom of it all, needs hanks. The article continues as follows:
In the end of it all, perhaps that's all what we need: To feel needed, to feel like you are necessary for someone or something to get through their situation/their day/their life. Seems like people will go to some petty means in order to reach this end.
Maybe what I'm looking for right now is nothing more than a volleyball.
Have you seen that movie Cast Away? Tom Hanks. Gets stranded on the deserted island. And eventually finds, or rather, creates, the company of a volleyball. He names the volleyball Wilson after giving it a face, carved out of a smudge of the imprint of his bloody hand.
What does wilson represent? What I thought was that Wilson was just a companion..something to break the silence of being alone...to keep Tom Hanks' character from going crazy from having no one to talk to or live with. But then i read this article on Wilson the volleyball and how it was strange as to what Hanks yelled when Wilson was swept off the raft and into the ocean: "I'm sorry Wilson! I'm sorry!!!". And if you recall, he was shattered..sobbing and crying. I mean shit, the character development of Wilson, along with Hanks' character crying his ass off was enough to make me look up and tell people in the room that I had something in my eye.
anyways. what did wilson represent? The article suggests that wilson wasn't important to hanks because it was someone for him to talk to or it was something that hanks felt was paying attentino to him. Instead, wilson was important to hanks as someone who relies on him, and who at the very bottom of it all, needs hanks. The article continues as follows:
The crucial thing you lose when you fall out of society, Cast Away seems to
say, is not conversation or attention. The crucial thing you lose is the chance
to be needed. Hanks has to create Wilson out of that volleyball not because he
needs someone to talk to but because he has to be of use to someone else. The
abyss that yawns in front of him when he lands on that island--and that Wilson
helps him avoid--is not the abyss of existential despair, exactly. It's
something much simpler but much darker: the abyss of irrelevance.
In the end of it all, perhaps that's all what we need: To feel needed, to feel like you are necessary for someone or something to get through their situation/their day/their life. Seems like people will go to some petty means in order to reach this end.
Maybe what I'm looking for right now is nothing more than a volleyball.
Monday, November 14, 2005
so what is it.
what is it,
you ask.
you scream.
you demand
As you pound your fists into the table.
As you chastize me for what you see as
self pity and sorry
Attempting to force sunshine down my throat
pushing so hard that the good intensions
are smashed down to a dull blade
cutting my lips into a snarl
imagine a pain so pure and so unreal
that would do anything to hold on it
As you bat away the helping hands,
you hold on it.
For this lack of man,
this shell void of any substancial feeling
To be constantly lifted up towards the idea of better days
by the unrelenting grip
of hope
Then have your wings clipped
by the cold shears
of reality
Let me tell you,
As you fall back down to the cold earth
The sight of how close you were to heaven
Is the most beautiful thing
in the world.
We all too often dance
to the same songs
Looking for a cheap dream
to satisfy the hunger or
take up the empty space.
I fall.
I fall hard.
I fall so hard
that long after I've hit the bedrock beneath
I can still hear the painful echos of my voice in agony
raining down onto the earth around me.
And as i pick myself up off the ground,
mud on my face,
blood on my shirt
pain in my heart,
I look back at the hole my sorrow has created
And plant another dream
to lift me back to where i was
....
and maybe beyond.
what is it,
you ask.
you scream.
you demand
As you pound your fists into the table.
As you chastize me for what you see as
self pity and sorry
Attempting to force sunshine down my throat
pushing so hard that the good intensions
are smashed down to a dull blade
cutting my lips into a snarl
imagine a pain so pure and so unreal
that would do anything to hold on it
As you bat away the helping hands,
you hold on it.
For this lack of man,
this shell void of any substancial feeling
To be constantly lifted up towards the idea of better days
by the unrelenting grip
of hope
Then have your wings clipped
by the cold shears
of reality
Let me tell you,
As you fall back down to the cold earth
The sight of how close you were to heaven
Is the most beautiful thing
in the world.
We all too often dance
to the same songs
Looking for a cheap dream
to satisfy the hunger or
take up the empty space.
I fall.
I fall hard.
I fall so hard
that long after I've hit the bedrock beneath
I can still hear the painful echos of my voice in agony
raining down onto the earth around me.
And as i pick myself up off the ground,
mud on my face,
blood on my shirt
pain in my heart,
I look back at the hole my sorrow has created
And plant another dream
to lift me back to where i was
....
and maybe beyond.
Sunday, November 6, 2005
I had written a rant. But then I erased it, or rather, I reconsidered it. The rant can pretty be summed up in the following:
"Dude, why do people complain about the stupidest things? People complain about oh my boyfriend, and oh life is so stressful, and i missed class, and why doesn't he/she like me, etc. Man..some people got bigger problems than you!"
I guess what i really meant to say is...stop bitching, cuz college problems ain't shit. I got bigger problems than you, so I (capitialized "I"..lol) have the RIGHT to complain.
Wrong. All wrong. It seemed really pompous, and ARROGANT (you know how i feel about that), so i had to smack myself upside the head and sleep on it. So I rethunk it.
Furthermore, this morning at church (temple), Rev. Sakamoto was talking about how he had met the Dhali Lama. It was a good message. I coulda gotten my car washed by Jr. YBA and Boy scouts
Let me also add that it was first time going to church in 7 years. It felt great. It was kinda sucky that i dont know anyone at church anymore, and all my friends who used to go to church dont go no more (no hateration...shit, it took all my willpower to wake up before 1pm today =P), but it was very good. Looking at everything that is done and said during service in a new light because of how much that has happened since I stopped going to church makes for a greater experience.
I don't believe that one ever has to go to church or temple or whatevers in order to be a faithful person, but it sure doesn't hurt.
Anyways, back to the storyline. So Rev. Sakamoto talked about how everyone in this world has a common goal..to become happy; to be happy and content. Extreme emotions like love and hate cause us to become so focused on how we feel that we become agitated and lose sight of everything around us. So like, when you hate someone, you dont think of them as a normal person.."they got friends, no bf/gf, they stupid, got no parents, etc". It's important to step back and become aware of everythigna round us. And then he brought up iraqi suicide bombers. At first we may think of them as disgusting filth, but deep down, theyr'e just like us...trying to search out a happier day, even tho it's with very wrong means. It's important to become aware of one another and understand one another.
Which is a great message to hear after I had written the post. My problems, your problems, everyone's problems....i cannot say that one is bigger than the other. I may be dealing with some problems that i say are larger than yours, but if i pull back far enough, they become the same...an obstacle to our destination of a happier life. To say that i have bigger, more important problems than you is to say that i'm better than you, and thus i'm being selfish.
Maybe it's about time we all stopped trying to compare problems, and stopped trying to look at the intensity of said problems. Your problems may be small or large in my eyes, but I'm not the one who has to live with them. Thus, we should all be compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic towards one another.
A few years ago, a friend of mine was helping me get through some really hard times after my relationship had ended. I thought my life was over. I felt horrible. Then he tells me one day that his dad just passed away suddenly. I felt like the biggest asshole! Here i was, complaining about my relationship ending, and he had just lost his dad!!! But when i said that, he said, "No man, I know how bad you're hurting. We're both dealing with some rough shit. I think it's good that we can help each other out just by lending an ear".
Werd.
So now i've been served. My immature ass was dumb to think that shit up top in the first place. If you got a problem, I wanna hear about it. Because even tho I may think that it's a crumb, to you it might be a boulder. We've all been there before, so we should all help each other out.
And that ends my "after school special" post for today. We'll go back to our regular ranting after a short break. lol.
"Dude, why do people complain about the stupidest things? People complain about oh my boyfriend, and oh life is so stressful, and i missed class, and why doesn't he/she like me, etc. Man..some people got bigger problems than you!"
I guess what i really meant to say is...stop bitching, cuz college problems ain't shit. I got bigger problems than you, so I (capitialized "I"..lol) have the RIGHT to complain.
Wrong. All wrong. It seemed really pompous, and ARROGANT (you know how i feel about that), so i had to smack myself upside the head and sleep on it. So I rethunk it.
Furthermore, this morning at church (temple), Rev. Sakamoto was talking about how he had met the Dhali Lama. It was a good message. I coulda gotten my car washed by Jr. YBA and Boy scouts
Let me also add that it was first time going to church in 7 years. It felt great. It was kinda sucky that i dont know anyone at church anymore, and all my friends who used to go to church dont go no more (no hateration...shit, it took all my willpower to wake up before 1pm today =P), but it was very good. Looking at everything that is done and said during service in a new light because of how much that has happened since I stopped going to church makes for a greater experience.
I don't believe that one ever has to go to church or temple or whatevers in order to be a faithful person, but it sure doesn't hurt.
Anyways, back to the storyline. So Rev. Sakamoto talked about how everyone in this world has a common goal..to become happy; to be happy and content. Extreme emotions like love and hate cause us to become so focused on how we feel that we become agitated and lose sight of everything around us. So like, when you hate someone, you dont think of them as a normal person.."they got friends, no bf/gf, they stupid, got no parents, etc". It's important to step back and become aware of everythigna round us. And then he brought up iraqi suicide bombers. At first we may think of them as disgusting filth, but deep down, theyr'e just like us...trying to search out a happier day, even tho it's with very wrong means. It's important to become aware of one another and understand one another.
Which is a great message to hear after I had written the post. My problems, your problems, everyone's problems....i cannot say that one is bigger than the other. I may be dealing with some problems that i say are larger than yours, but if i pull back far enough, they become the same...an obstacle to our destination of a happier life. To say that i have bigger, more important problems than you is to say that i'm better than you, and thus i'm being selfish.
Maybe it's about time we all stopped trying to compare problems, and stopped trying to look at the intensity of said problems. Your problems may be small or large in my eyes, but I'm not the one who has to live with them. Thus, we should all be compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic towards one another.
A few years ago, a friend of mine was helping me get through some really hard times after my relationship had ended. I thought my life was over. I felt horrible. Then he tells me one day that his dad just passed away suddenly. I felt like the biggest asshole! Here i was, complaining about my relationship ending, and he had just lost his dad!!! But when i said that, he said, "No man, I know how bad you're hurting. We're both dealing with some rough shit. I think it's good that we can help each other out just by lending an ear".
Werd.
So now i've been served. My immature ass was dumb to think that shit up top in the first place. If you got a problem, I wanna hear about it. Because even tho I may think that it's a crumb, to you it might be a boulder. We've all been there before, so we should all help each other out.
And that ends my "after school special" post for today. We'll go back to our regular ranting after a short break. lol.
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