So i went in to work today cuz my boss asked me to help him out. I found out that someone from the company that I had applied at, Ideo, had called him to get some references on me. That's a good sign, I think. I dont know if it's for the human factors position or just the internship, but shit, I'll take either. Just so I can get my foot in the door. Why is this company so important? Well, even if i dont like my job there in a few years, that will give me some SUPER good experience considering that Ideo is one of the top industrial design firms in the country. Should I get a job there tho, I will need to find out an easier way to get to Palo Alto. Driving everyday from SJ to PA would drive me fucking bonkers considering that i would have to take 101. That means I would have to leave my house probably an hour and a half to two hours before I have to start work. Sick.

The vegas trip was good. I'll leave it at that. Good times with good friends. I did make some mistakes on this trip however..i CAN NOT BELIEVE they slipped my mind. I was strongly reminded on this trip the consequences of forgetting those things. Next time I will NOT be forgetting to do those things. FOR SURE.

Spring is finally here, and the weather is super hot. Luckily my house stays relatively cool, so it's perfect for comfortable chilling and awesome naps with the blinds closed.

The feeling of indifference is still around, but its lead me to some ponderings.

A part of me used to wonder what would have happened if i had gone to UC Irvine. A big part of me now wonders what it would have been like if i had gone to UC Davis, or UC Berkeley. My whole life would have been up here instead, and maybe I'd still kicking it with people that i knew in college. Yeah, it still bothers me a little I guess.

- - -
Dream about them like i dream about you
a circle of misery that goes on forever.
A reality constructed of lies
falling to pieces like a house of straw
Ironic that we're so connected
by how foolish we both are

I'm bout to embark on a last minute trip to vegas. sweetness. I'm up so late because I'm putting together the trip soundtrack. Yes, i am DRIVING from san jose to las vegas. This sure takes me back, because pre-master's program, I always drove to vegas since it was only 6 hours away

Putting together a road trip soundtrack is important, especially for a road trip to vegas. A lot of times, I remember what the trip was by it's "trip soundtrack". For example, the best trip I ever had, we listened to Kanye West's album in Alan's car the whole way there.

Now that i'm getting excited about going to vegas...time to reminisce bout good vegas memories
1) Daco and I talking about "Callin' out names" by Kurupt...Daco yells out the first line, "SUP FRED". And this old guy turns around cuz we thought we were calling him. Laughter ensued.
2) Ken makes a bed out of chairs at the Bellagio buffet and take a nap. He also burps and makes room for more pasta
3) Running through the rain, thinking we wouldn't get that wet. Well, it started to rain HARD. I mean, the only rain i've been in that was worse than that was in Japan. You should have seen people's faces as we were walking into the casinos. I was drenched down to my boxers. It was fucking awesome.
4) EVERYTHING that happened at the "Best Vegas Trip I Ever Went On".
-the all you can eat sit down where we kept changing plates so that we could all eat something different
-nonstop jokes, nonstop laughter
-daco's house = no hotel costs
-talking about how it burns when we peed, and how it felt like our dicks were on fire, all because we were walking by a guy with a video camera. We then saw that he had kids in his car. oopz. Laughter ensued.
-Chris's roulette system wins us ALL enough money to immediately pay for our rooms, gas, and dinner for the first night.
5) Battling Jon at Lure and Foundation Room at "the second best vegas trip i ever went on". Forming a battle circle then watching a girl come into the circle just to do handstands. wtf.
6) Getting Fat Tuesdays with Helen, Daryl, D, Annie, and Rob. We all got hella drunk and told jokes and laughed. That was a fucking great trip.

And now, stuff that's always generally good in vegas
1) Prime rib sandwiches at IP after 1130pm. 4.95 goodness.
2) Monopoly Once Around Deluxe slot machines. You always win.
3) The casino bar at Treasure Island. Found by accident. Have chilled here many times.
4) The amount of dance floor space at Voodoo Lounge. Amazing.

And now, just to even it out, BAD STUFF that has happened in vegas (I'm writing this as a joke, but also because for every good, there's a bad).
1) MAD FUCKING DRAMA on "The Worst Vegas Trip I Ever Went On". goddamn, this trip fucking SUCKED. DRAMA here, DRAMA there. It fucking sucked SO BAD. How bad did it suck? It sucked so bad that after the second night I thought "I WANT TO GO HOME". Ugh. There was so much about this trip that fucking sucked, seriously. I want to completely forget that I ever went on this trip. I'm getting mad just writing about it.
2) On one vegas trip, I was driving someone else's car, and we were making a right hand turn. Well, the car in front of us (also in our group) breaked after going forward a little, so i had assumed that they had went ahead. So i stepped on the gas. I massively rear-ended them. The trip wasn't a bust, but it definitely made an "impact" (LOLZ) on it. Plus, my insurance didn't cover that (FUCK YOU MERCURY AUTO INSURANCE), so I had to pay for it. I felt fucking horrible about all of it.
3) On another vegas trip, I went up to get more food at a buffet. I guess I must have cut this guy off without realizing it, cuz he says "well fucking excuse me". I didn't say anything and went on with my business. I was pissed the entire rest of the meal. Looking back on it, I should have punched that guy in the face. I would have been thrown out, but it would have been so worth it.

And finally...
The very first time I went to vegas: The first time i went to vegas I was 20 years old. Couldn't go clubbing, couldn't get a drink, couldn't gamble. What did I do? Well, I went with my roommates at the time, because it was one of them's co-worker's birthday. Well, that one roommate was rich as shit, so we stayed at a fucking full sized SUITE at MIRAGE (I have yet to stay in a better room). Since I had never been to vegas before, I didn't realize just how fucking good that room was. Anyways, we set up a full bar, and the birthday boy proceeded to take 23 shots. (amazing). It was a fun trip. Here are some other cool happenings from that trip:
-my other roommate's aunt worked at caesar's palace. So we got hook ups for the lobster champagne dinner. The waiter didn't even card us. So we drank hella champagne. My other roommate, who was also 20, drank so much that he puked afterwards in a trash can just outside. It was awesome
-since I couldn't gamble, I taught these two guys who had come on the trip how to play this card game called Manhattan. They caught on quick At the end of the night I had taken 60 bucks off of them. It was awesome.
-Helen was on the same trip, staying in the same room. But she was with her boyfriend, and I barely knew her, so i didn't talk to her or chill with her at all. I didn't even think that two years later, we'd be together. Crazy huh?

75 percent completed with the data compiling. Tomorrow, or later on today rather, i'll finish up the compiling and then start the reviewing. Then I'll start writing on Thursday and hopefully have everything done by Saturday. Proofread on Sunday, then turn in on Monday. Too bad that just the initial turn in...i'll have lots more work after that. yay. =/

My old boss called me up and offered to help me any way he can too. Hell yeah.

It's so close I can taste it.

Nikkei Matsuri - April 30
My last rave ever - June 3 (my friend is headlining!!!!!)
- - -
when a student org stands for leadership friendship and service, it's sad when you see behavior that goes directly against it. I will not sit here and judge like so many other people are doing. All i have is at best, reliable hearsay. However, there are some things I can see with my own eyes, and I find it disappointing.

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams

However, the memories I have are intact and untouched, and i refuse to let them be tainted by the actions and thoughts of those who have forgotten what the principles are. Perhaps that is the best thing about the past and its pleasant memories: They can never change, for better or for worse.

I have some strong opinions concerning this entire matter, but I will hold my tongue, as I have no desire to get caught up even a smidge in the drama of it all. Therefore, I will keep my opinions to myself, unless I get a chance to talk to another unbias third party.
- - -

nite.

Mission Impossible IV: Darren vs. Lindsay

Before I go back to the thesis work load, I'd like to tell you about something that I was just too damn lucky to witness last Friday. You see, sometimes I have writer's block. I mean, it just happens; there's simply nothing to write about. But then, as if by pure luck, life takes notice of this and says, "here you go!". Such is the case of last Friday.

This is the story of a young asian man named Darren. Well, at least i think that's what his name was. I kind of forgot what his name was due to my shock at what was happening. Oh wait. I'm jumping ahead of myself.

Here we go. Last Friday, I went to Dishdash, a mediterranian (wrong spelling, i know, but the "check spelling" button is like 6 inches above and i dont want to move my mouse. See: my AIM SN) restaurant in downtown Sunnyvale. I was eating with Shan and Lindz. I had just run Lindz through my thesis study, and we decided to eat afterwards. The place was good. We ate, talked, paid. Shan and Lindz went to the bathroom and I went outside to wait. They came out and we started walking back toward our respective whips.

Now, it becomes necessary to set this up a little bit more. I need to describe Lindz to you so that you can maybe understand the next set of actions done by a Mr. Darren. Lindz is very cute. The kind of cute that causes double takes and whiplash in many a male neck. She's the girl that makes you lose your train of thought when she walks by, and when she walks into a club, it's all eyes on her. She's also very outgoing and friendly -- meaning she smiles pretty much 99 percent of the day. We like to joke about how she has her own fan club, with members joining by the second.

I, too, have my own fan club, but there's only one member: ME. And I wanna get out of it.

okay back to the storyline.

So we're walking toward the cars when this asian guy comes RUNNING up to us. No wait, did I say "us"? I mean comes running up to Lindz. Now lemme describe this guy to you. This guy had skin like I had in high school. Acne and acne scars. He had the typical long hair spikey, wanna-be faux hawk but not, hairstyle. He had to' up jeans and a t shirt that had some kind of purple and pink (I could have sworn it was Stitch, but i think i was wrong). He had thick glasses, and his figure was like a little thinner version of me (but still fat). Now, the way he ran up to us, I thought either Lindz had a) forgotten something b) he was a really good friend who hadn't seen her in a while c) he was running away from a fire. But NAY! The truth is, he was mesmorized by her beauty, and so the following conversation ensued:

L (Lindz), D (Darren)

D: Hey!
L: Hi?
D: I just saw you walking out of the restaurant, and I just HAD to come talk to you. Do you have a minute?
L: Yeah, I have a minute
D: I just want to say I think you're really attractive and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out.
L: Actually I was on my way back to work.
D: oh come ON!!!! (Note: when he said "ON!", he tilted his head toward the sky for maximum emphasis) It's a lovely day!!!
L: I'm sorry, but i have to meet with some account holders (or something like that). But it was nice to meet you! What's your name?
D: Darren [the Over Agressive Nyerd] (he takes her hand). What's your name?
L: Lindsay
D: I'd like to call you sometime. Can you give me one of your cards?
L: I'm sorry, i dont have any cards on me
D: WHAT?? You're going to meet with some accounts and you dont have any cards??? (shakes head, obviously clueless to the fact that she's trying to get away!!!)
L: Yeah. I'm sorry.

At this point, i lose track of what he's saying to her because i'm looking at shan, who is giving me a WTF??? look. Let's continue with what I hear next.

L: I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend.
D: I don't care!!!
L: Well...I care!
D: I don't!
L: Okay I really have to go. It was nice meeting you.

WOW!!!! "I have a boyfriend" "i DONT CARE!!!!". That is awesome. This man was some sort of SUPER nerd. A bionic nerd sent from the future with one mission. He wouldn't take "No" for an answer! Okay, before I go any further, I must say that homie had some BALLZ. I mean, he came running up like it was a race and he continued to throw out his best lines and wouldn't let anything stop him from reaching his goal. BUT DUDE. First off, he gave off hella creepy ass vibe. Second of all, if ur gonna go hit on a cute girl, you should probably be NOT looking like you just got out of bed. Third, shan said he was eating with some girl! WTF??? How the hell did that go??

D (talking to girl he was with): So yeah, I was cooking some ramen the other day (sees lindz) anddddddddd OHHHHH SHIT!!!! (immediately starts running)
Girl: This is one fucked up date.

Fourth, when a girl says "I have a boyfriend" that's usually secret code for "I'M NOT AVAILABLE". But Darren had other plans. He took that as a challenge, since apparently he considered himself a true gift to women everywhere. Fifth, how could dude be so blind to all of the hints she was giving him of "please leave me alone". and Lindz was super nice about it! Believe me, I've seen/heard a lot less nice behavior from cute girls to nerdy guys in the clubs.

But i'm more than glad it happened. First, it was fucking HILARIOUS!!!!!!! As soon as we started walking away, i was like HAHAHA WHAT WAS THAT??? Now i'm not gonna talk like I'm good looking (I'm very much not) or I have hella game (If game was board games, my game would be Candyland...worst game ever), but dude made me feel better about myself. So thank you Darren! You made me feel better about myself...that ain't an easy task, but you stepped up and made it happen with flying colors.

So I hearby award you the first and last, "Clueless Math Club President Going After Head Cheerleader" Award. You've earned it!

quick break from thesis work...

Friday went to a warriors game. They beat the suns, which was tite. Even tho they're not going to the playoffs, J.Rich still put on a good show. The game itself wasn't super hyphy (however the fuck you spell that), but it was good to see our team win. Ike Diogu...why isn't that fool in there more often? Mystery.

Saturday went to see the Peking Acrobats perform at the San Jose Center of Performing arts. It was coo. And of course they had the stereotypical twirling of plates. It was cool tho. I enjoyed it, even though there was this guy sitting behind us who kept making this nasty throat sound. Bryant had the worst of it, since he was directly in front of the dude.

It's been refreshing to check out these new things, learn a new dance style, and all that. Fun shit.

Been working on my thesis pretty much hardcore. Running test, compiling data, setting up more appointments, doing last minute research, etc. It's fuckin rough. And this week is gonna be DEATH. I have appointments and stuff every day. I hope to be finished with testing completely by the end of this week. Then I have to write up the final report, do my last in-class report on the 24th, turn in the final report on May 1st, do my final presentation on May 14th, and then, I'm done.

I think in june i'm gonna be going to philly and boston and, perhaps, dare I say it, New York. If I do go to new york, like i said before, it's gonna be strictly for the dance. Check out some clubs and see how the real house dancers break it down.

Of course, mixed in there I expect there to be some serious trips to vegas. And of course, this all equals one thing. Spendage of money. Now I ain't rich, but I figure, i'll be getting a job (hopefully soon) after I graduate. That means i'll be making money. And i'm gonna live at home for one more year, so i can save up to put a down payment on a house. In Los Altos. (yeah, right). So anyways I figure it's okay to spend a little money from the funds that i've saved up thus far to make up for the couple years of putting my nose to the grindstone for this degree. Speaking of which, you dont wanna know how much i've spent on putting this thesis together. Ugh.

Yup, but for now. A nice big helping of stress.

Oh, and before I forget, which of these do you think is the scariest? (Note: all these are at night, in the dark, unless otherwise mentioned)

A) Standing by a window with the lights on and have someone jump in front of the window right where you are.

B) Standing by the window, then you open the blinds, only to find someone staring in at you with an emotionless face.

c) Opening up the toilet, only to find a human head staring up at you, floating in the bowl.

d) Going into a room and standing by the mirror while the lights are off. When you turn on the lights, you're looking at the mirror, only to see a masked person staring back at you instead of your reflection

e) When you step out of bed, you feel a hand brush against your foot, and you jump back into bed. You hear a slight sound, and then nothing.

f) you're writing on the computer at night with only your computer and a small desk lamp on. You turn around and you see the ring girl standing right behind you.

g) same scenario as f, except when you turn around, you see a small girl standing in the corner with entirely pitch black eyes and white skin staring at you and smiling.

h) lets say you have a chair in your room, and it's facing away from you, while ur in bed and the lights are off. You kick the chair to make it turn around, and in the darkness, you can see someone sitting on the chair and staring at you. But then you blink, and they're gone.

g) You're in a Quantum Leap episode, and you've just lept into my body and you found out your stuck as me for the rest of my life. SUCKS DUDE.

And why do I bring all of this up??? because last night, I couldn't go to sleep and for some reason, ALL OF THESE SCENARIOS STARTED PLAYING OUT IN MY MIND. WTF. i COULDN'T SLEEP FOR 90 MINUTES CUZ I KEPT TURNING THE LIGHT ON AND SHIT. WTF AM I, EIGHT YEARS OLD?????

aight back to work furealz. If anyone needs me, i'll be "cHiLLiN' aT MaH PaD" (inside joke of something that did not happen)

Last Saturday, I went to a memorial service for my dad's cousin, James, who had passed away a few weeks before. James wasn't that old, probably a little older than my dad, and I had only met him once before.

The service was at my temple, and there were only about 20 people there. For the eulogy, James' brother in law asked people in the audience to talk, because it was the best way for all of us to understand what kind of person he was. I found out that James had chosen to not get married so that he could take care of his parents, who had had a hard life in order to support their children. A few of his coworkers talked about how open-minded yet strongly opinionated he was. Mr. Dobashi, who had owned a near by Japanese supermarket stood up and talked about what a great friend James had been to him. He talked about how James would stop by and joke around. He had been friends with James since high school. He paused, and ended it with "James was a good friend... I'll miss him". He sat down and wiped the tears away from his eyes. And even though I had only met him once, my eyes filled up with tears as I sat there, hearing these stories and the sadness on the faces of his family and friends. Rev. Sakamoto reminded us that we cannot concentrate on the loss of James, but rather the impact he had on all of our lives. Death ends a life, not a relationship.

Later on, I was talking to my aunt about my grandfather. To this day, and probably for the rest of my life, it has pained me that I never got the chance in my recent years to speak to him about life. My grandfather had a view on life that goes beyond words. He appreciated and cherished everything in life. He was at peace with everything: with the world around him, with his life, with himself. He spent his entire life trying to learn as much as he could; my aunt told me that he had this undying urge to learn, learn, learn. He was skilled in pottery, basketry, painting, writing, calligraphy, crossstitch, woodcarving, and so much more. He was a Buddhist minister. He read hundreds upon hundreds of books. He was open to everything that life had to offer him, and he truly appreciated everything.

When he passed away, it really hurt me, but since I hadn't seen him in so long, I didn't want to think about it. His funeral was in Hawaii, and it was videotaped. My dad said I should watch it, but up until this point, I wasn't able to watch it. I remember lashing out at my dad and my brother when they told me to watch it. I just wasn't ready. Finally, I think I can.

My aunt also pointed out to me how compassionate my father was with my grandparents, especially near the end of their lives. It was almost as if he knew when they needed something, and he would do it without hesitation. And even though I already knew that about my dad, it's amazing when you hear it from someone else. Maybe I was emotionally softened up, but when I heard all of that my eyes began to tear up again.

I can see the same kind of appreciate of life in my dad that my grandfather had. I never realized all the things my dad is skilled in, and though we dont have heart to heart talks, he shows how much he cares for me and my brother in his actions and the lessons he tries to teach us.

I hope that someday I can be the kind of person James was, moreso the kind of person my grandfather was, and most of all, the kind of person my father is. If I can do that, I'll know that I've done something right in my life.

Things to do this weekend

-Get over this DAMN migraine.
-Finish prototypes! (Almost done! SWEET!)
-Finish website so I can apply to jobs (And not get them)
-Work on report due on Monday (zzzz)
-GET PANCAKES (been craving them all weekend for some reason)
-Start looking for testing participants
-Contact TAP plastics to begin work on my more detailed prototype.

It's crazy that I'm finally starting to see the end of this road to get my masters. I'm going to finish for sure by May (barring any major fuckups). I'm definitely excited to graduate soon. I'm gonna walk fo sho..why? cuz I want my HOOD. That's right. HOOD. Tassles are out. Hoods are in.

Damn. I shoulda went. Oh wells. (cryptic blog shit. ignore.)

Dude. pancakes. I can already taste them. Oh man. I think i'll have pancakes tomorrow for dinner. Yeah.

I want to vegas. NOW. And in May. And then again in June. Seriously. I think i've gotten my second party wind. I want to go party it up...hit up a club or two, chill at a lounge or two, go to vegas and go crazy. Yes. Take a vacation. Go to Hawaii. Drive up to Napa. Take the kind of pictures that make people jealous that they weren't there with you. Yup. The only problem is I think i'm the only one in the group that is feeling this way (AKA immature and wanting to party). The rest of my crew up here are mature, legitimately making a competitive salary with excellent stock options so as to improve their portfolio and increase the dividends on their 401ks. Sadly, I am not. Oh wells!

Dude. i think a whole breakfast would be good too. Not just pancakes anymore, but eggs and hashbrowns. Damn. Yup.

I miss being in love. Okay, wow. that's jumping the gun. Okay. I miss dating. I miss that excitement. I miss that feeling where you feel like you have to see this one person because you've been thinking about them since you left them, and you feel like your heart is gonna explode when they walk into the the room/restaurant or how nervous you get when you see them coming towards your car and you get all flustered and yet the whole time you're smiling but not too big because you dont wanna seem like you're that excited cuz you wanna play it cool cuz you wanna look confident and everything. And then you sit there trying to think of the perfect thing to say, like the perfect joke that'll make her laugh like the really honest laugh and then after she's done she'll look at you like you just said the most perfect thing or joke that was exactly what she wanted to hear at that exact moment. And you know that all the stress, all the work, all the mental beat downs and pep talks, all the preparation, all the worries about if she'd like you and maybe she thinks you're dumb....all of that...just seems worth it. And in those 5 seconds where she reaches across the table and touches your hand, you feel like it would stay that way forever, but in a way it does, because those 5 seconds feel like 5 years. And then you close your eyes and in a split second you suddenly understand that feeling that every poet felt when he was writing a sappy love poem, and what all those R&B songs are talking about, and why your friends acted so stupid when that girl that they liked called them back i mean why did they get so excited, and all of a sudden all those cheesy cliches about life and love just dont seem so cheesy anymore especially that one that said something about living in the moment... and you just GET it.

Yeah. I miss that.

And if i'm stupid because of that, then i hope i stay the stupidest person alive. I'm already halfway there anyways =p

I miss that ALMOST as much as i miss PANCAKES right this second.

Have a good weekend peoples. It's 2am and i dont know why i'm awake, especially when i got this headache.