past the point of return
I try and put things back to where they used to be
but i forgot how they were
And i just can't get them to balance in the way they should
It just doesn't feel right
And i fumble around
until it all comes crashing down.
my brain is a work in progress
seems like too much work
for such little progress.
dragging my feet towards this
supposive light at the end of the tunnel
Looking forward, looking backward
It all looks the same.
well,
shit.
I dont care what direction i go in
as long as it's somewhere
Far away from the simple complexity of the middle
with its walls closing in and mentally suffocating me
in short, quick gasps.
Live for the open spaces
before the world closes up around you.
The smaller your cage,
the more grand your dreams are.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Sunday, October 16, 2005
the world around us is a reflection of the people that live on it. You see all the good, but none of the bad. We make ourselves so pretty on the outside when we're so ugly on the inside, and you can see that walking around. This hiding only perpetuates more negative emotions, unless you dont care about anything, which is another problem in itself.
Maybe this is why postsecret is so popular and interesting. The facade is lifted for just a second and you can see the reality of reality.
Fantasy: God damn, does EVERYONE have someone? It's ridiculous. And everyone is doing great, and going on trips. Vegas, Europe, Japan, etc. People have good paying jobs, and are loving every second of them. But yeah, the love..my god..the LOVE. You see couples walking on the streets, laughing, kissing, holding hands, having a fucking awesome time. People give shouts on their xangas to the love of their fucking lives, wondering how the hell they've gotten this far without them. Seriously, the world is full of loving caring relationships with no problems, and if you're single, you suck major ass. If you're life isn't full of non stop fun, you suck major more ass.
Reality: Most people dont have someone. Most people are sitting around when they're gonna find that person that makes them happy. We act like it's coo to be single, but unless you're assexual or have a source of nonstop fun, it's coo to a point. Last time i checked, it's more fun to have someone who you know cares about you. But a lot of people dont have that someone, and that's that.
Most couples have issues. I saw a couple yesterday night at Carrows. She was leaning against him. They smiled at each other. I go back to my meal and the conversation i'm having. I look back a second later. She's now at the opposite side of the table, not looking happy at all. He says something. She looks down. He says something else. She gets up and walks to the bathroom, not happy at all. He sits there smiling and shaking his head. It's easy to smile in public, and save the drama for the apartment later on that night. As for xangas, well, it's easy to say that life is good and how much you love that person, but words are an easy substitution for actions.
Jobs are not a source of fun and happiness. With the job martket the way it is, most people have jobs because they simply need the paycheck. The work actually sucks ass. Managers are dumb as shit with the increased pressure to improve productivity and efficiency. Thus, people are hired for the work they put out, not how much people skills they have.
Yeah people go on trips a lot. Mommy and daddy are usually paying for those trips (or Visa and Mastercard)
We'd all like to believe that reality is true (because it IS!) because then we won't feel so alone, that life is actually fair, but the fantasy facade is what's put in front of us. I personally try to believe that this fantasy isn't reality, but when it's all you see...it becomes extremely difficult.
Love has to happen on its own. Otherwise you fall victim to the worst catch 22 ever.
Which is:
In order to get a girl, I need to have confidence in myself.
But in order to have confidence in myself, I need to get a girl.
This is backed up by the observation that once you get a girl, you are now attractive to other girls. (Note Chris Rocks' argument about how: "When you were single, no one wanted to call you ugly ass. But now you're getting freaky nasty sex calls from all your girl friends saying "hey me and my friends were having a dick sucking contest and we'd thought you'd be a good judge". You used to be never get those calls. Now you get them every Tuesday." LOL)
Thank goodness for alcohol. Numbs these subjective over analysis down to a mumble so i can enoy life for a few minutes. That's why vegas is heaven, where alcohol flows freely.
I wish this water was vodka. Oh wells.
- - -
btw, my dad's dog has the most annoying fucking bark EVER. It's not even a bark. It's a yap. Yap yap yap yap. Wakes me up, and breaks my train of thought. I call it my dad's dog because the dog doesn't give a shit about the rest of us in this family. If the house caught on fire, the dog would drag my dad outside while the rest of us burned to shit. No really. On the plus side, the dog is scared shitless of me. That's a plus because it'll stop barking as soon as i throw my bed at it.
Maybe this is why postsecret is so popular and interesting. The facade is lifted for just a second and you can see the reality of reality.
Fantasy: God damn, does EVERYONE have someone? It's ridiculous. And everyone is doing great, and going on trips. Vegas, Europe, Japan, etc. People have good paying jobs, and are loving every second of them. But yeah, the love..my god..the LOVE. You see couples walking on the streets, laughing, kissing, holding hands, having a fucking awesome time. People give shouts on their xangas to the love of their fucking lives, wondering how the hell they've gotten this far without them. Seriously, the world is full of loving caring relationships with no problems, and if you're single, you suck major ass. If you're life isn't full of non stop fun, you suck major more ass.
Reality: Most people dont have someone. Most people are sitting around when they're gonna find that person that makes them happy. We act like it's coo to be single, but unless you're assexual or have a source of nonstop fun, it's coo to a point. Last time i checked, it's more fun to have someone who you know cares about you. But a lot of people dont have that someone, and that's that.
Most couples have issues. I saw a couple yesterday night at Carrows. She was leaning against him. They smiled at each other. I go back to my meal and the conversation i'm having. I look back a second later. She's now at the opposite side of the table, not looking happy at all. He says something. She looks down. He says something else. She gets up and walks to the bathroom, not happy at all. He sits there smiling and shaking his head. It's easy to smile in public, and save the drama for the apartment later on that night. As for xangas, well, it's easy to say that life is good and how much you love that person, but words are an easy substitution for actions.
Jobs are not a source of fun and happiness. With the job martket the way it is, most people have jobs because they simply need the paycheck. The work actually sucks ass. Managers are dumb as shit with the increased pressure to improve productivity and efficiency. Thus, people are hired for the work they put out, not how much people skills they have.
Yeah people go on trips a lot. Mommy and daddy are usually paying for those trips (or Visa and Mastercard)
We'd all like to believe that reality is true (because it IS!) because then we won't feel so alone, that life is actually fair, but the fantasy facade is what's put in front of us. I personally try to believe that this fantasy isn't reality, but when it's all you see...it becomes extremely difficult.
Love has to happen on its own. Otherwise you fall victim to the worst catch 22 ever.
Which is:
In order to get a girl, I need to have confidence in myself.
But in order to have confidence in myself, I need to get a girl.
This is backed up by the observation that once you get a girl, you are now attractive to other girls. (Note Chris Rocks' argument about how: "When you were single, no one wanted to call you ugly ass. But now you're getting freaky nasty sex calls from all your girl friends saying "hey me and my friends were having a dick sucking contest and we'd thought you'd be a good judge". You used to be never get those calls. Now you get them every Tuesday." LOL)
Thank goodness for alcohol. Numbs these subjective over analysis down to a mumble so i can enoy life for a few minutes. That's why vegas is heaven, where alcohol flows freely.
I wish this water was vodka. Oh wells.
- - -
btw, my dad's dog has the most annoying fucking bark EVER. It's not even a bark. It's a yap. Yap yap yap yap. Wakes me up, and breaks my train of thought. I call it my dad's dog because the dog doesn't give a shit about the rest of us in this family. If the house caught on fire, the dog would drag my dad outside while the rest of us burned to shit. No really. On the plus side, the dog is scared shitless of me. That's a plus because it'll stop barking as soon as i throw my bed at it.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
am i being cynical? or is that the dumbest question ever? lol
so you all remember that movie "When Harry Met Sally"? An argument was presented to Sally via Harry, and it went a little something like this:
Harry: I said I would and I didn't...I went the other way...What?
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not gonna be friends, then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
Before this conversation, Harry comments that Sally is attractive, which Sally is astonished by since Harry is currently going out with her friend. However, Harry says he's not coming on to her, he's just saying that she's attractive (an "empirical" fact, he calls it). Indeed, he is not coming on to her, but she insists that he is. And then it goes on into the above argument that guys and girls cannot be friends because the sex part gets in the way, even if there is no sex or ever will be sex.
Is this true? Well, I don't think it's IMPOSSIBLE for guys to be friends with girls, but there's definitely some truth to Harry's argument. Look at it this way, why is it that a guy will sit down and ponder what it's like to go out with a friend that's a girl, but a girl will NEVER ponder of what it's like to go out with a friend that's a guy? Why do girls have TWO ladders, while guys have ONE? Yup! But in terms of strictly speaking about sex, it's pretty obvious. Here i will refer to my whole "us guys are wolves" analogy, which i'm sure was explained in a past post. Anyways, why is it that when an attractive girl has a xanga/myspace/friendster etc. etc, she will get a lot of comments from guy friends saying stuff like "dude, when are we gonna kick it? I wanna see you" "damn you look hella cute in that picture" "dude, you should come visit me. I miss you" and the ABSOLUTE best is when the guy says something like "dude, we gotta party it up next time you come down" or even better "yo, when we gonna drink together and get hella crunk??". That last comment i've actually seen quite a few times. This is pretty much screaming YO lets drink hopefully we can end up hooking up. LOL.
So yeah,I do think that the sex part does get in the way, in a way.
As for the other part of the guy coming on to a girl, well, i think that's kinda dumb. Just another double standard...i wont get into that tho. I'm just saying that I think any girl likes to receive a compliment. I've told a girl a few times in my life that i thought she had a really nice smile, was really cute, was nice, funny, etc....and it was true. I certainly was not hitting on her, or making a pass at her, because first off, that's not me, and second of all, you need GAME in order to hit on a girl. I do not have game, thus i do not hit. I just think a lot of the time, it's considered a social FAUX PAS, FAUO PA, FOU PAW...however it's spelled..to tell a girl that you think they're cute. Yes, empirically cute, with no crotch-action-hopefulness directing it. Throughout our lifes, most of us think critical of ourselves, silently. This is especially true for girls, thanks to the physical driven hormones of us guys (Hey, it's true..i'm a guy, and i'm a damn horn dog. What guy isn't!!??), and the ever-crushing standards of what is considered to be "attractive" by our society. So fuck it! I think it's nice to tell a girl that she looks attractive..just do it in a nice way. "Yo girl yo ass is like DAMN!!" is not a good way to compliment. "You know, you have a really nice smile." or "Hanging out with you is really nice." is a good way. But then again, you know what they say...the sex always gets in the way =P
so you all remember that movie "When Harry Met Sally"? An argument was presented to Sally via Harry, and it went a little something like this:
Harry: I said I would and I didn't...I went the other way...What?
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not gonna be friends, then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
Before this conversation, Harry comments that Sally is attractive, which Sally is astonished by since Harry is currently going out with her friend. However, Harry says he's not coming on to her, he's just saying that she's attractive (an "empirical" fact, he calls it). Indeed, he is not coming on to her, but she insists that he is. And then it goes on into the above argument that guys and girls cannot be friends because the sex part gets in the way, even if there is no sex or ever will be sex.
Is this true? Well, I don't think it's IMPOSSIBLE for guys to be friends with girls, but there's definitely some truth to Harry's argument. Look at it this way, why is it that a guy will sit down and ponder what it's like to go out with a friend that's a girl, but a girl will NEVER ponder of what it's like to go out with a friend that's a guy? Why do girls have TWO ladders, while guys have ONE? Yup! But in terms of strictly speaking about sex, it's pretty obvious. Here i will refer to my whole "us guys are wolves" analogy, which i'm sure was explained in a past post. Anyways, why is it that when an attractive girl has a xanga/myspace/friendster etc. etc, she will get a lot of comments from guy friends saying stuff like "dude, when are we gonna kick it? I wanna see you" "damn you look hella cute in that picture" "dude, you should come visit me. I miss you" and the ABSOLUTE best is when the guy says something like "dude, we gotta party it up next time you come down" or even better "yo, when we gonna drink together and get hella crunk??". That last comment i've actually seen quite a few times. This is pretty much screaming YO lets drink hopefully we can end up hooking up. LOL.
So yeah,I do think that the sex part does get in the way, in a way.
As for the other part of the guy coming on to a girl, well, i think that's kinda dumb. Just another double standard...i wont get into that tho. I'm just saying that I think any girl likes to receive a compliment. I've told a girl a few times in my life that i thought she had a really nice smile, was really cute, was nice, funny, etc....and it was true. I certainly was not hitting on her, or making a pass at her, because first off, that's not me, and second of all, you need GAME in order to hit on a girl. I do not have game, thus i do not hit. I just think a lot of the time, it's considered a social FAUX PAS, FAUO PA, FOU PAW...however it's spelled..to tell a girl that you think they're cute. Yes, empirically cute, with no crotch-action-hopefulness directing it. Throughout our lifes, most of us think critical of ourselves, silently. This is especially true for girls, thanks to the physical driven hormones of us guys (Hey, it's true..i'm a guy, and i'm a damn horn dog. What guy isn't!!??), and the ever-crushing standards of what is considered to be "attractive" by our society. So fuck it! I think it's nice to tell a girl that she looks attractive..just do it in a nice way. "Yo girl yo ass is like DAMN!!" is not a good way to compliment. "You know, you have a really nice smile." or "Hanging out with you is really nice." is a good way. But then again, you know what they say...the sex always gets in the way =P
Sunday, October 9, 2005
I'm not sure if I want to write about this in my blog, but I figure i might as well, so that I won't forget it. I won't give details, because sometimes you wanna keep the special stuff in your head to yourself so you can always hold on to it to keep you going when the road is bumpy and the motivational tank is running on fumes.
I had a dream last night. It was a dream out of a storybook, the kind of dream that you hope you never forget, and it pains you when you wake up and you immediately start forgetting it. A person once described to me how a dream is like the taste of cotton candy -- sweet for just a moment and then the taste immediately disappears.
This dream was something like..i can't even explain it. Imagine if you could, the feelings of living out an entire relationship in one night, one dream. The falling in love, the pains, the arguments, the fear that you might hurt the other person. The good times of spending time with their family, the spontaneous moments where she pulls you aside for a quick kiss before you go on with your daily lives, leaving with you with a smile.
I remember one imagine clearly. It was a typical day, and I was laying down with my head on my girl's lap, and we were talking. I remember it was a sunny, and mid sentence, she looked down at me, her hair draping down into my face. She smiled at me..i stopped talking, and smiled back. She gave me a quick kiss, and we kept talking. My heart felt so full of happiness in that moment, i couldn't do anything but smile.
The dream wasn't all happy tho, it definitely had it's weird/bad moments, but those good moments were just so clear. When i woke up, i wasn't sad or anything that it was only a dream. It just made me say....."damn....".
I dont think i'll ever forget the above image. It made me happy because it shows me that there's still some good stuff in my subconscious. Some kind of stuff like that helping me keep going, because deep down i know that there's always gonna be something good out there.
"Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one"
-John Mayer
- - -
two people said i look skinnier. I think it's the shirt i was wearing, but it feels good even if i appear that way. I have noticed that it's definitely harder for me to make a "second chin" by bringing my chin up and in. Score!
- - -
Thanks to my true friends. You know who you are. You make this boring life worth living. I dont need to say anymore.
- - -
Lazy sunday tomorrow. Sleeping in and sitting around. Werd.
- - -
After that dance competition, I REALLY wanna go dancing. HELLA bad. I'm talkin bout limited drinking, and maximum dancing. Battle circle action between friends (hint hint to J-pop and Nannon), you know?
I had a dream last night. It was a dream out of a storybook, the kind of dream that you hope you never forget, and it pains you when you wake up and you immediately start forgetting it. A person once described to me how a dream is like the taste of cotton candy -- sweet for just a moment and then the taste immediately disappears.
This dream was something like..i can't even explain it. Imagine if you could, the feelings of living out an entire relationship in one night, one dream. The falling in love, the pains, the arguments, the fear that you might hurt the other person. The good times of spending time with their family, the spontaneous moments where she pulls you aside for a quick kiss before you go on with your daily lives, leaving with you with a smile.
I remember one imagine clearly. It was a typical day, and I was laying down with my head on my girl's lap, and we were talking. I remember it was a sunny, and mid sentence, she looked down at me, her hair draping down into my face. She smiled at me..i stopped talking, and smiled back. She gave me a quick kiss, and we kept talking. My heart felt so full of happiness in that moment, i couldn't do anything but smile.
The dream wasn't all happy tho, it definitely had it's weird/bad moments, but those good moments were just so clear. When i woke up, i wasn't sad or anything that it was only a dream. It just made me say....."damn....".
I dont think i'll ever forget the above image. It made me happy because it shows me that there's still some good stuff in my subconscious. Some kind of stuff like that helping me keep going, because deep down i know that there's always gonna be something good out there.
"Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one"
-John Mayer
- - -
two people said i look skinnier. I think it's the shirt i was wearing, but it feels good even if i appear that way. I have noticed that it's definitely harder for me to make a "second chin" by bringing my chin up and in. Score!
- - -
Thanks to my true friends. You know who you are. You make this boring life worth living. I dont need to say anymore.
- - -
Lazy sunday tomorrow. Sleeping in and sitting around. Werd.
- - -
After that dance competition, I REALLY wanna go dancing. HELLA bad. I'm talkin bout limited drinking, and maximum dancing. Battle circle action between friends (hint hint to J-pop and Nannon), you know?
Thursday, October 6, 2005
Aight first the pictures:
So you remember that trip to monterey I blogged about? Well, at one part there was this shark tank. And there was this little kind of room you could crawl into, and the ceiling of it was a little half dome where you would see all the sharks swim past you. Well, me and jon decided we would check it out, and make angry faces at the sharks. We had to wait for all the stupid little kids to move. But check it out:
So here's the tank and the bubble, just so you can see what it looks like...
RAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
MORE RAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
you know, these pics look a lot like another pictures i've seen..but i can't remember one...
hmmmm...
oh yeah, now i remember!!!
EVEN MORE RAAAAAAAAA!!!!
If you recall, after we left the aquarium, we went to someplace to eat. Outside, we were talking about how back in the jr high days there was a this old stupid comical test of determinings one's sexuality by asking them to check the bottom of their shoes or their fingers. You could tell by how that person performed these actions. In admist of reminiscing, I brought up this old joke, and some in the group did not understand. So i decided to demonstrate for them. Enjoy the following...
please note: In picture #1, i'm doing the "manly" way to check the bottom of ones shoes. Notice that Tony and Brendan are standing right next to me, and helping out for effect. Also notice that there is NO ONE walking behind me
In picture #2, i'm doing the "un-manly" way to check the bottom of one's shoes. Notice that i'm super overexaggerating it, that Brendan and Tony have moved FAR away, and that there are LOTS OF FUCKING PEOPLE WALKING BY ME wondering "what the FUCK is this guy doing LOLZ BBQ????"
"What the fuck is on the bottom of my shoe!??" *GRUNT*
"What the fuck is on the bottom of my shoe!?!" *giggle*
another pic from monterey
jon (j-pop), tony (k-rage), me (lame), Brendan (bluckyday), Jen (Jen), Aaron (Mr. Jen)
look at us. holy shit we're fucking dope.
Pics from Shan's Bday
Birthday girl with her guava cake. Guava cake is the best cake IN THE WORLD!
It's a beutiful thing when Japanese, a drunk korean, and a half vietnamese can all get together in love and harmony
sleeping bitch. Oh yeah, and the dog is sleeping too. HA HA I SO FUNNY!!!
Getting they groove on *ANGRY LAUGH* (inside joke)
good times. good times. Hopefully more good times soon, cuz life is getting pretty unsalted soda cracker again.
blog more laters.
So you remember that trip to monterey I blogged about? Well, at one part there was this shark tank. And there was this little kind of room you could crawl into, and the ceiling of it was a little half dome where you would see all the sharks swim past you. Well, me and jon decided we would check it out, and make angry faces at the sharks. We had to wait for all the stupid little kids to move. But check it out:
So here's the tank and the bubble, just so you can see what it looks like...
RAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
MORE RAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
you know, these pics look a lot like another pictures i've seen..but i can't remember one...
hmmmm...
oh yeah, now i remember!!!
EVEN MORE RAAAAAAAAA!!!!
If you recall, after we left the aquarium, we went to someplace to eat. Outside, we were talking about how back in the jr high days there was a this old stupid comical test of determinings one's sexuality by asking them to check the bottom of their shoes or their fingers. You could tell by how that person performed these actions. In admist of reminiscing, I brought up this old joke, and some in the group did not understand. So i decided to demonstrate for them. Enjoy the following...
please note: In picture #1, i'm doing the "manly" way to check the bottom of ones shoes. Notice that Tony and Brendan are standing right next to me, and helping out for effect. Also notice that there is NO ONE walking behind me
In picture #2, i'm doing the "un-manly" way to check the bottom of one's shoes. Notice that i'm super overexaggerating it, that Brendan and Tony have moved FAR away, and that there are LOTS OF FUCKING PEOPLE WALKING BY ME wondering "what the FUCK is this guy doing LOLZ BBQ????"
"What the fuck is on the bottom of my shoe!??" *GRUNT*
"What the fuck is on the bottom of my shoe!?!" *giggle*
another pic from monterey
jon (j-pop), tony (k-rage), me (lame), Brendan (bluckyday), Jen (Jen), Aaron (Mr. Jen)
look at us. holy shit we're fucking dope.
Pics from Shan's Bday
Birthday girl with her guava cake. Guava cake is the best cake IN THE WORLD!
It's a beutiful thing when Japanese, a drunk korean, and a half vietnamese can all get together in love and harmony
sleeping bitch. Oh yeah, and the dog is sleeping too. HA HA I SO FUNNY!!!
Getting they groove on *ANGRY LAUGH* (inside joke)
good times. good times. Hopefully more good times soon, cuz life is getting pretty unsalted soda cracker again.
blog more laters.
Tuesday, October 4, 2005
aight lets try this AGAIN.
so I was going through Jon's pics, and I only found that I am not photogenic at all. In fact, there are only two pics that i think my face look okay. Well, my face never looks okay, but i mean, my face looks acceptable for human consumption.
These are the two:
Yeah I think I'm probably buzzing
Look at that gap pose. Nice, Steven. Nice.
aight before the damn blogger loses my post again, i'm gonna post the rest of the pics later.
so I was going through Jon's pics, and I only found that I am not photogenic at all. In fact, there are only two pics that i think my face look okay. Well, my face never looks okay, but i mean, my face looks acceptable for human consumption.
These are the two:
Yeah I think I'm probably buzzing
Look at that gap pose. Nice, Steven. Nice.
aight before the damn blogger loses my post again, i'm gonna post the rest of the pics later.
Sunday, October 2, 2005
uhhhh...
"We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it"
So the other day, i woke up and my nose was itchin. So i rubbed my nose and..PAIN. I'm talkin pain that makes you make that "unbelieveable pain face". Know what i'm talkin bout? Here, open your mouth wide. K, now open your eyes wide too, and then look upwards. See that face your making? That's the "oh fuck that HURT" face. Werd.
So why did I hurt? Dude. Two words: SHARP BOOGERS. Yo, you maybe saying like "Ew!", but everybody gets them.. I'm talkin bout those nose goblins that have more sharp edges than a freshly cut hedge. Like serious. Anyways, so my noise starts bleeding cuz i just cut the shit out of it on the inside, and then so i pick out the damn thing out my noise. holy crap, I swear picked a mother fucking NINJA STAR outta my nose. GODDAMN that thing was sharp!!!
It was like this:
Anyways.
"Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexis"
Friday I went to the Vault. Damn. I had a pretty cool time with Mel and Bryant, but i'm seriously DONE with San Jose clubs. The people are just too goddamn ghetto. That place gets a thumbs down to the floor.
So that would leave it at the following:
Zoes - HELLA sucks.
Vault - HELLa sucks
Farenheight (sp) - heard it HELLA sucks
Agenda - was coo
Glo, Angels - never been there
Voodoo Lounge - HELLA sucks
San Jose Bar and Grill - sucks
Toonz - HELLA sucks. I never been there, but i dont need to be. I've seen the crowd, and they've got enough windows in that place to tell. In addition, when you're walkin through downtown with 3 other guys and the bouncer is trying to coax you to come inside...then DAMN that place SUCKS.
San jose is just weak when it comes to clubs. SF may be far, and the parking fucking sucks, but it's worth it to me. The best club i've been to tho has got to be Voodoo Lounge in Vegas. Hella dance space. Ample seating. Fuck yeah.
Should I roll to vegas in Nov? Still deciding.
"Maybe things could change if you change your view"
So what did i do today? I lil bit of this, and a lil bit of that.
My day started with a wake up call from shan. Time for us grad students to get out study on at the SJSU library. Shan came to pick me up in her fly ride, so i got to ride to downtown in g35 styles.
On the way, I saw this fence. It said "no parking", but one of the boards was missing, so i thought it said "No Fat king".....yeah i guess you had to be there, punk.
We got there and i saw this pita place. It looked good, and i was hungry. Shan said it was dope. So we decided to feed our stomachs with pita goodness before we fed our minds with knowledge. It was good. The lady at the counter kept calling me "sir", which was kinda trippy cuz she said it like after every sentence and she was older than me. Anyways, shan said oh damn you better eat that with a fork cuz you gonna spill it on your shirt. And then she spilled on her jacket lol.....yeah i guess you had to be there, punk.
Anyways, afterwards, we went to starbucks and got some pumpkin spice lattes. Dude, if you like pumpkins (pie, bread, etc.) then you gotta get one of those. They're pretty bomb. While we were there, this guy was all complaining that they should have a bathroom cuz of a city code that says that restaurants had to have a bathroom. First off, what you want them to do? Build you a bathroom? Second of all, it's downtown homie. There's a million places you can find a bathroom. But then the manager came out and said that starbucks is not considered a restaurant and therefore is not required to have a bathroom. The manager then dancing around the guy, yelling "IN YO FACE SUCKA!!! IN YO FACE!!!" (He added some pelvic thrusts towards the guy every time he said "face"). The guy left and pissed his pants. The end.
Anyways, we finally get to the library and start studying. Unforunately, this library decides to close at 6 on a SAT!!! wtf!!! This is a college library!!!! Ugh. OH wells. Got two hours of good reading in, which is a good start since i have a lot to read.
Laters on, we go to bryants house. Bryant, brendan, andy, shan and I all go get dinner at this diner place. They charged gratuity for parties of five or more!!! J. It's a good thing that the food was good.
We all chilled at their house afterwards and then I went home. And now here i am.
"i know i tend to get so insecure..doesn't matter anymore. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along"
tomorrow it'll be more studying. I hella wanna get my dance on tho. I wonder if i can find a place for that on a sunday. And people who would want to in addition to that.
Anyways, I got a shitload of work to do. It's business as usual. Ain't no big deal tho. It's a trip to think that if everything goes right, then i'll have my masters in less than a year. Crazy shit yo.
I gotta start going to church again. yup. givin' me an insight on life, cuz that's what it's all about. But not today cuz i'm gonna fall asleep in service for sure.
"And as the MC let the freestyle funk flow, every once and a while they make the crowd scream HOOOO!"
i can't say it would be better if you called
but lets just say it would be a pleasant surprise
you may think i'm looking for a island paradise
but i know better than that.
surrounded by the noise
i lose track of the signal
looking for something
but i'm not sure what
fairy tales and fantasies
build upon the blocks that society throws you
slowly get broken down as you get older
from the yearnings of a relationship
broken down to just having someone to talk to
to help you remember
that you're not as bad as you feel
maybe i've accepted the fact
that i can't accept some facts
about life
You may tell me that may seem
immature
childish
but in a world where nothing ever stays the same
I think staying true to something
even if it's something you should just forget about
is what a real man does,
living life
with no expectations,
but not throwing his dreams away into the pit of yesterday's happenings
Dont judge the book by its cover
or a person by their past.
"You go out to eat he can't pay, y'all can't leave. There's dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleeves. But while you washin' watch him, he gonna make it to a benz outta that datson. He got that ambition baby, look at his eyes. This week he be moppin floors next week it'll be fries"
If you haven't noticed, i've been listening to the winamp and randomly quoting the songs that come on. Dude, i fucking lOVE that kanye song "gold digger". Just cannot get enough of it. The video for it is pretty dope too. Yow.
For girls, being cute is way better than being hot.
For plums, being tart is better than being sweet
For yogurt, only strawberry is good. For jello, anything is good. oh yeah.
Man, some peoples are dealing with some petty shit. Sometimes just chilling on your own is best. Ain't nothing wrong with being single! Shit aint a race! Sometimes just having people that you can just flirt with and that's it is best. Like, just flirt with the person on the phone or something, and then leave it at that. Then when you ready, or feel like you can take on something more serious then you move it to the next level.
Dont ask me bout that tho. With no game, there aint gonna be no flirtation goin on, just massive amounts of studyation, sleepination, and loseration. lolz.
"if you fucking with this girl then you better be paid!"
and with that, I'm sleeping
"We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it"
So the other day, i woke up and my nose was itchin. So i rubbed my nose and..PAIN. I'm talkin pain that makes you make that "unbelieveable pain face". Know what i'm talkin bout? Here, open your mouth wide. K, now open your eyes wide too, and then look upwards. See that face your making? That's the "oh fuck that HURT" face. Werd.
So why did I hurt? Dude. Two words: SHARP BOOGERS. Yo, you maybe saying like "Ew!", but everybody gets them.. I'm talkin bout those nose goblins that have more sharp edges than a freshly cut hedge. Like serious. Anyways, so my noise starts bleeding cuz i just cut the shit out of it on the inside, and then so i pick out the damn thing out my noise. holy crap, I swear picked a mother fucking NINJA STAR outta my nose. GODDAMN that thing was sharp!!!
It was like this:
Anyways.
"Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexis"
Friday I went to the Vault. Damn. I had a pretty cool time with Mel and Bryant, but i'm seriously DONE with San Jose clubs. The people are just too goddamn ghetto. That place gets a thumbs down to the floor.
So that would leave it at the following:
Zoes - HELLA sucks.
Vault - HELLa sucks
Farenheight (sp) - heard it HELLA sucks
Agenda - was coo
Glo, Angels - never been there
Voodoo Lounge - HELLA sucks
San Jose Bar and Grill - sucks
Toonz - HELLA sucks. I never been there, but i dont need to be. I've seen the crowd, and they've got enough windows in that place to tell. In addition, when you're walkin through downtown with 3 other guys and the bouncer is trying to coax you to come inside...then DAMN that place SUCKS.
San jose is just weak when it comes to clubs. SF may be far, and the parking fucking sucks, but it's worth it to me. The best club i've been to tho has got to be Voodoo Lounge in Vegas. Hella dance space. Ample seating. Fuck yeah.
Should I roll to vegas in Nov? Still deciding.
"Maybe things could change if you change your view"
So what did i do today? I lil bit of this, and a lil bit of that.
My day started with a wake up call from shan. Time for us grad students to get out study on at the SJSU library. Shan came to pick me up in her fly ride, so i got to ride to downtown in g35 styles.
On the way, I saw this fence. It said "no parking", but one of the boards was missing, so i thought it said "No Fat king".....yeah i guess you had to be there, punk.
We got there and i saw this pita place. It looked good, and i was hungry. Shan said it was dope. So we decided to feed our stomachs with pita goodness before we fed our minds with knowledge. It was good. The lady at the counter kept calling me "sir", which was kinda trippy cuz she said it like after every sentence and she was older than me. Anyways, shan said oh damn you better eat that with a fork cuz you gonna spill it on your shirt. And then she spilled on her jacket lol.....yeah i guess you had to be there, punk.
Anyways, afterwards, we went to starbucks and got some pumpkin spice lattes. Dude, if you like pumpkins (pie, bread, etc.) then you gotta get one of those. They're pretty bomb. While we were there, this guy was all complaining that they should have a bathroom cuz of a city code that says that restaurants had to have a bathroom. First off, what you want them to do? Build you a bathroom? Second of all, it's downtown homie. There's a million places you can find a bathroom. But then the manager came out and said that starbucks is not considered a restaurant and therefore is not required to have a bathroom. The manager then dancing around the guy, yelling "IN YO FACE SUCKA!!! IN YO FACE!!!" (He added some pelvic thrusts towards the guy every time he said "face"). The guy left and pissed his pants. The end.
Anyways, we finally get to the library and start studying. Unforunately, this library decides to close at 6 on a SAT!!! wtf!!! This is a college library!!!! Ugh. OH wells. Got two hours of good reading in, which is a good start since i have a lot to read.
Laters on, we go to bryants house. Bryant, brendan, andy, shan and I all go get dinner at this diner place. They charged gratuity for parties of five or more!!! J. It's a good thing that the food was good.
We all chilled at their house afterwards and then I went home. And now here i am.
"i know i tend to get so insecure..doesn't matter anymore. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along"
tomorrow it'll be more studying. I hella wanna get my dance on tho. I wonder if i can find a place for that on a sunday. And people who would want to in addition to that.
Anyways, I got a shitload of work to do. It's business as usual. Ain't no big deal tho. It's a trip to think that if everything goes right, then i'll have my masters in less than a year. Crazy shit yo.
I gotta start going to church again. yup. givin' me an insight on life, cuz that's what it's all about. But not today cuz i'm gonna fall asleep in service for sure.
"And as the MC let the freestyle funk flow, every once and a while they make the crowd scream HOOOO!"
i can't say it would be better if you called
but lets just say it would be a pleasant surprise
you may think i'm looking for a island paradise
but i know better than that.
surrounded by the noise
i lose track of the signal
looking for something
but i'm not sure what
fairy tales and fantasies
build upon the blocks that society throws you
slowly get broken down as you get older
from the yearnings of a relationship
broken down to just having someone to talk to
to help you remember
that you're not as bad as you feel
maybe i've accepted the fact
that i can't accept some facts
about life
You may tell me that may seem
immature
childish
but in a world where nothing ever stays the same
I think staying true to something
even if it's something you should just forget about
is what a real man does,
living life
with no expectations,
but not throwing his dreams away into the pit of yesterday's happenings
Dont judge the book by its cover
or a person by their past.
"You go out to eat he can't pay, y'all can't leave. There's dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleeves. But while you washin' watch him, he gonna make it to a benz outta that datson. He got that ambition baby, look at his eyes. This week he be moppin floors next week it'll be fries"
If you haven't noticed, i've been listening to the winamp and randomly quoting the songs that come on. Dude, i fucking lOVE that kanye song "gold digger". Just cannot get enough of it. The video for it is pretty dope too. Yow.
For girls, being cute is way better than being hot.
For plums, being tart is better than being sweet
For yogurt, only strawberry is good. For jello, anything is good. oh yeah.
Man, some peoples are dealing with some petty shit. Sometimes just chilling on your own is best. Ain't nothing wrong with being single! Shit aint a race! Sometimes just having people that you can just flirt with and that's it is best. Like, just flirt with the person on the phone or something, and then leave it at that. Then when you ready, or feel like you can take on something more serious then you move it to the next level.
Dont ask me bout that tho. With no game, there aint gonna be no flirtation goin on, just massive amounts of studyation, sleepination, and loseration. lolz.
"if you fucking with this girl then you better be paid!"
and with that, I'm sleeping
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