coffee is truly one of the awesomest things in the world. I dont drink it all too often, only because i want to keep its effects on me high. Just a few minutes ago I was falling asleep at my desk, and now I'm so full of energy that I have to tap my foot just to get the excess energy out. My productivity just shot up at least like 60 percent. Sweet. I love you coffee, but i love you caffine even more.

This weekend was pretty sick. First on sat i chilled with minh, scott, and melo. We went to McCarthy Ranch and ate chinese food and ate taiwanese nuts. (Taiwanese nuts = Taiwanese balls = Boba). We talked alot about stuff and caught up. Then we watched the end of this stupid kung fu movie. G was gonna meet up with us, but his car broke down so he had to parlay with his parents instead. We also made plans to roll up to Reno this Sunday, but we'll see if that goes down.

Sunday was awesome. I went to Monterey with a bunch of people. The aquarium was awesome!!! First off i got the student price cuz i'm a student once again (score). I haven't been there in about 10 years. OMG. The jellyfish are so fucking awesome. The sharks are cool too. But the best thing for me was the sea otters. They really know how to wow the crowd. I love that place. I'd go back tomorroow and the next day and the next day if i could. I wanna make a hella huge donation to the place so that i can go feed the sea otters.

The only drawback was there was HELLA kids. HELLA kids. I mean HELLA kids. And with HELLA kids, there's HELLA parents. and with HELLA parents there' s hella play by play for their HELLA kids. and in that HELLA play by play there's HELLA BULLSHIT. I was walking by this tank where there were these fish who burrow themselves into the sand up to their necks. Anyways, this one was in the sand, and another one was swimming by it. This mom says to her son, "see that, see how they build the home for themselves. OH! Look at that other one..he's upset because the other fish is trying to get into his house (note: he wasn't) That's how they guard their territory. It's nature's way of blah blah blah". WRONG LADY. ALL WRONG. The kid must have known he was getting swamped with BS too, cuz he ran over to the shark tank, and smashed the glass so that the shark could eat him. Kids are HELLA rude too. They all step on your feet and run in front of you. That's the worst part: the running in front of u. I mean these mother fuckers can head butt you in the nuts cuz they're all erratic and shit. So whenever a kid ran in front of me at an exhibit, I would cover my nuts. Good thing too cuz I woulda caught this one kid's shoulder right in the goods. And then HE would have feed the sea otters. Literally. =D

BTW, if i had stripped and jumped into the beach where all the birds were and acted like a monkey, I would have made $217.95 courtesy of J-Pop. If i'm ever super broke i'll take him up on that offer fo sho.

Midday, we went to go eat at Bubba Gump. I figured I wasn't going to eat there again (soon anyways), so i got the "bucket of boat trash" (shrimp, lobster, mahi mahi, and fries). Yo that was OUTTA HAND. It was so good I almost ate my fingers. It was so good I almost ate the bucket it was in. Hella free crackers of all kinds, and I almost got Jon to reach over and eat Mrs. H's food. Ya heard?

Later on, we headed down to the wharf to eat dinner. Kinda. There was some miscommunication about that part of the trip, but it was okay because the whole ordeal ended up in two things for me: 1) ICE CREAM. Yo I dunno what happened to me but i HELLA love ice cream now. So while everyone else was not eating, I went to get some strawberry ice cream. good stuff. The girl hella hooked it up too. 2) HELLA LAUGHS. Dude, i dunno how one little thing (FS - Thanks for the hope!!! high five!!!) could start up so many laughs, but it did. All sorts of other topics came up too (weiner hands, penis palms, J-pop's Pee pee spot). The quick stop was worth it just for those things. We almost stopped to eat at the wharf at this one restaurant at the very end where this sea captain who was dressed like a pimp was handing out free clam chowda, but the menu was pretty shitty.

So then we headed to Gilroy and stopped at this one place called Black Bear or something. The eats was pretty good, but poor Jon. Stuck in the bathroom for hella long trying to do the doo. He walks out and tony and shan are all clapping. I find out the next day that dude got food poisoning! Poor guy. Brendan also enlightened us with info about how he would take his PSP into the bathroom and play for like 2 hours -- so long that he didn't need to wipe cuz the shit would just dry up (literally). He then tells us how his legs would fall asleep and Tony added how he would get these red spots on his legs from leaning too long. Funny shit.

So all in all, hella jokes. hella fun. I got the chance to chill with Jen and to get to know her bf Aaron better (who is one hella cool cat, I gotta say). This weekend finally gave me the chance to let my personality out. I felt like I used to back in my college days. And it felt great.

And then back to work. Back to the grind. i got to turn in my final on Thursday, and i got full time work this whole week. This weekend i'm heading down to LA to check out this poppin' convention, ifyou will. Poppin, locking, and breakin. One of my favorite poppin' crews is gonna be battling, so I really wanna check that out.
- - -
I got a lot of time on my hands. More than the typical person. Life changed so quickly for me last August that the circumstances I was given was extreme. I realized that yesterday. I had to cope with it, with no help from anyone else. This was my challenge.

Why do I think about stuff so intensely? Why do i spend so much time trying to understand myself and those around me? It's because I want to always have empathy. This class I took on emotions this summer, I had to study human emotions in computers and stuff. and one of the things I read papers on was the human emotion of empathy. To understand the emotional state of others. This is what drives the human connection between two people. It strengthens relationships. And i think that's what I want to do. If i can somehow understand what you're feeling or going through, on any level, then it'll make you feel good because it's nice when someone understands. And of course it'll make me feel good for being able to help u.

That and i think that relationships and how we feel are so fucking INTERESTING. I remember when i was in grade school and jr. high I would observe people "going around". That's what they called it. There was no such thing as dating because we were all like 12 - 14. People would just sit next to each other at lunch time and hold hands. I would also kick it with my brother and his friends, a large group of friends who would often interdate. Observing the trials and tribulations of those relationships and the difficulty that they took upon themselves to keep the circle of friends intact even after these relaitonships melted away was amazing. Then in high school, thanks to my outside social circle, I was able to see a LOT of my friends going in and out of relationships. high school is where you learn the ropes (unless you were like me. Super nerd and the permanent platonic friend) and watching my friends going through all of that ("i'll love you forever"s turning into "I hate you"s, watching one of my friends go through 5 or 6 bfs in a few years, playing matchmaker too many times, etc. etc.). College was crazy too, as I saw all of the relationships that were supposively rock-solid in high school fall apart as soon as the first xmas vacation came around.
Bottom line: people are addicted to this shit. What is it about relationships that it causes us to go crazy?? Are people addicted to being in love, falling in love, or to the love itself? IT'S FUCKING INTERESTING I TELL U!!!!!! And of course there's the whole fact that the more i learn, the more i can help people, but more than that, the more i can appreciate it the next time it decides to find me.

We all carry so much burden on our backs. And I've realized and learned that there are so many defense mechanism that we throw around in order to keep from hurting. So many. It's amazing. The ultimate goal is to be at peace, right? but it seems so difficult. So damn difficult.

I think that's what they call maturity. It's sad that there are those who never really grow up, who never really mature. For exmample, I think that my mind is growing a lot faster than my heart. That's for sure. But hey, at least I'm making progress. Here's proof. A long time ago, I wrote in one of my "journals" that: "you have to be happy by yourself. Lets say your life is a cake. And everythign else (friends, relationship, etc.) is icing. Sometimes your cake will have icing, and that'll make it taste good. But sometimes, you cake won't. No icing. But cake without icing doesn't necessarily taste bad. You need to be able to have your cake without icing and be content. If you can't, then it'll always taste bad."

The first step is being able to be happy in your own skin, and to be okay with being alone. Alone as in just you. No friends, no significant other, no family. Just you yourself. No distraction.

It's like my friend, Brian Enriquez (the guy who's writings and thoughts got me started on really concentrating on my writing) said: "yo man, you can LOVE someone or something. there is nothing wrong with that. you can LOVE them to DEATH. But you should never ever ever NEED them". It's a strong statement, but fighting against dependency on something is difficult. I've had friends who were addicted to all of life's vices (nicotine, alcohol, gambling, the need to look slim, endless relationships, etc.) and i've realized myself that sometimes the line between what you want and what you need is blurred.

I hope that everyone who reads this blog (all 2 of you lol) are living life to the fullest. Life is as bad as you think it is, which is why you gotta think it out sometimes. There is no such thing as "letting it go" or "moving on". How do you move on when a friend or a parent passes away, or when you get fired from your dream job, or when you lose the love of your life? You just accept. Acceptance and letting go are NOT the same in my book. But then again, how often am i right? =P

Payce out A Town down. wtf that means. =P